| How to Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Posted: 14 Jun 2018 01:00 AM PDT If you're a single mom, you might view dating like navigating a minefield: you may be afraid to step forward for fear of the unknown. One of those unknowns is telling your date you're a mom. When deciding to tell your date you're a single mother, it's important to approach the issue with confidence and in a straightforward manner. If your date really likes you, your role as a single mom won't scare them away—they'll see your kid as an added bonus! EditBroaching the Subject Casually - Describe your situation in your online dating profile if you have one. One great way to put the information out there is by casually stating it in your dating profile. Check the box for "single mom" or write a short sentence about your rambunctious 3 year old in your About Me section.[1]
- By presenting the information in your online dating profile, you are able to weed out candidates who aren't interested in dating a single mom. This may lead to fewer responses, but the responses you do get will be those that are better matched to you—because they will actually be open to dating a single mom like you.
- For example, you might write in your profile, "Single mom to an amazing toddler," when describing yourself.
- Ask if your date has kids during initial chats. Whether you meet your date in person or online, pose a question about their own status. This offers you the chance to get to know them better and it serves as an opening to share your own situation.[2]
- You might say, "So, do you have kids?...I have 2 from a previous marriage."
- Use your preliminary conversations as a segue. Mention your role as a single mom when you and your date are chatting about your everyday lives. Simply drop it into a light-hearted conversation rather than making it a big issue.[3]
- For instance, if your date says, "It's been awhile since I've hung out with anyone as cool as you," you might say "Yes, I'm glad to get out of the house and be around someone besides my 8 year old".
- After you drop the news, give them time to respond before continuing to discuss your own situation.
- Discuss it sooner rather than later. Holding onto the information that you're a single parent can actually be a lie of omission. Put your cards on the table as early as you can—this helps you avoid wasting your time with someone who's lifestyle and/or values don't align with yours.[4]
- Aim to mention your child within the first few meetings. Otherwise, your date may think you have misled them.
EditContinuing the Conversation - Set up the conversation to go in your favor. If you talk about being a single mom like it's a heavy burden or something to be ashamed of, your date may run away. However, if you speak with confidence and optimism, your date will be more receptive.[5]
- Say, "I wanted you to know something important about me. I'm the proud mom of a 5 year old girl. Because she is such a big part of me, I like to let my dates know about her early on."
- Provide some context about your parenting situation. Give your date a little background about how you came to be in your situation. However, don't go into too much detail too soon or stir up old wounds.[6]
- For example, you might say, "My daughter's father passed away when she was just a baby" or "We have no relationship with his father—the relationship was toxic."
- If the two of you get closer, there will be other opportunities to disclose more about your past. Don't air your dirty laundry too quickly, though.
- Be straightforward about what you're hoping for. If you are hoping for your date to become an eventual co-parent to your child, say so. However, if you just want a no-strings-attached relationship for right now, be clear about that, too.[7]
- Whatever your aim, communicating your expectations early on helps your date understand what role you'd like them to play. In turn, this gives them the opportunity to bow out early if they are not okay with the circumstances.
- Consider telling your date that you don't want your child to meet any potential partners until the relationship is serious.
- Don't take rejection personally. It can be tough being a single mom and putting yourself out there for possible rejection. However, your dates have the freedom to choose who they want to be with—just like you do. Respect their choices and be hopeful that you'll ultimately find the person for you.
- Single-parenting is very common in modern society, so don't feel bad if someone doesn't accept your circumstances. Someone else further down the road will.
- Did rejection tank your confidence? If so, boost your self-esteem by making a list of reasons why you're a great catch. Reread the list whenever you doubt your worth.[8]
EditMoving Forward - Don't just limit your conversation to your child. As a single mom, you no doubt love and cherish your child. But, your date wants to get to know you. Limit parenting talk to 5 minutes or less. Instead, share your unique interests, hobbies, aspirations and quirks.[9]
- You might think that talking about your kids non-stop shows devotion to them, but it may actually distance you from your date.
- There's nothing wrong with having a fully adult conversation with someone you're attracted to. Have fun!
- If your date asks questions about your kids or clearly indicates that they want to know more, feel free to go beyond the 5-minute mark.
- Share more details about your role as a single mom. You probably left out a lot of the intimate details when you first started dating this person. However, as the relationship grows, you'll want to choose a time to bring your date up to speed on such things. Being open and vulnerable about this will help your date to trust you and deepen the bond that you share.[10]
- For instance, if within a few weeks or months, you two are getting pretty serious, you might tell your date you need to have a serious talk. Use this conversation to disclose the circumstances that led to you being a single mom.
- Have a brief, casual, and age-appropriate talk with your child. Don't lie to your child about your dating life, but don't spill all the beans either. Use their age and maturity level as a guideline for how to have this discussion.[11]
- With a younger child, for example, you might say, "Mommy has been lonely since Daddy left, so I decided to make a new friend."
- You might say to an older child, "A guy from work is taking me to the movies. It's not serious right now, but I will let you know if it becomes serious."
- Be sure the relationship is serious before making introductions. The repercussions of introducing your date to your children too soon can be long-lasting. Wait it out and be sure that this person is going to be a staple in your life before they meet your kids. Give it a few months to be sure.[12]
- You might talk to your date to gauge how serious you are. Something like, "So, are we exclusive," or "Where do you see this going?" can help you determine if you're at the point of being serious.
- When introductions do happen, set it up on your kids' terms, such as having your date come over for dinner. That way, your children are in their comfort zone when they meet this new person.
- If you make introductions too soon, your children may form a bond with a person you're not even serious about, so give it time first.
- Maintain consistency in your parenting no matter what. If your relationship with your date escalates into a serious relationship, set firm boundaries about the role this person will play in your children's lives. Whether they are coming over to the house on a daily basis or if they move in full-time, you should still be the primary disciplinarian in the household, and you should continue to dedicate time especially for family.[13]
- Children can become confused and resentful if an outside person enters the picture and starts making radical changes to how things have always been. Keep the same household rules and expectations in place for your children, and ask your date to adjust to the circumstances.
- If your date is around your children often, they may act as an uncle or aunt. This may involve giving gentle advice or nudging them to follow your rules. Assess the relationship between your kids and your date to determine whether they are open and ready to take on a parenting role.
- How involved your date is in parenting will depend on the seriousness of your relationship. For instance, if you have a toddler and marry your date, this person may be more involved in raising your child. Whereas if you had a 15 year old, they may not have as big of a role in parenting.
- Find a good balance for co-parenting. If your kids' father is in the picture, you'll need to establish a happy medium for the role he plays in comparison to the role your date plays in parenting. A good way to do this is to have an open and honest conversation with your kids' father and work out a co-parenting plan, particularly if you have a cordial relationship.[14]
- It should be emphasized that a new partner is not replacing the other parent. However, the role each person plays will depend on how involved the biological father is in your children's lives.
- For instance, in some cases, the biological father might get the children every other week or on weekends, so he has a large role in their parenting. However, in other cases, children may only see their biological father every now and then, so this person plays less of a role in their lives.
- Expect the bond between your child and your date to remain, even after a breakup. If you and your date break up after introductions are made, you'll need to be mindful about the separation phase. Children form bonds quite easily, so give them the opportunity to slowly adjust to the transition. This may not apply if the breakup involved hostility. In such a case, a clean break may be necessary.[15]
- For instance, if they really liked the person, be okay if they still want to call or go to the park with them for a little while after the breakup.
- Also, avoid bringing someone new into the picture for a while, as doing so can be unsettling for your kids. You can probably tell if enough time has passed by how often your kids mention your ex. If they seem to have moved on, then it's probably okay for you to do the same.
- Keep in mind, you might start dating someone new—just avoid having them meet your kids until they've moved on from your ex.
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| How to Style a One Piece Swimsuit Posted: 13 Jun 2018 05:00 PM PDT One piece bathing suits are flattering for every body type. They come in a variety of styles, colors, and silhouettes. You can easily style a one piece for a trip to the beach or as part of your day-to-day style in place of a bodysuit. Choose your bathing suit based on the look you are going for, and pair it with shorts, skirts, and dresses or accessories like flip flops, wedges, and necklaces. Make your outfit your own, and you can style any one piece! EditChoosing a One Piece - Select a one piece in a bright color or pattern for a vibrant style. Choose fun, funky colors like bright pink, aqua, or lime green. This adds a splash of color to your outfits and beach looks, and you can easily pair this with bright-colored accessories as well.[1]
- You can go with a solid-colored swimsuit in a bright color, or a colorful patterned one piece. For example, look for a bathing suit in hot pink or a suit with hot pink polka dots.
- Go with a single color, dark-toned suit if you want to slim your shape. Choose a darker color like black, blue, or purple for a flattering and slimming silhouette. These tones hide any uneven areas, so you can confidently take a dip or lay out in the sun.[2]
- White and light-colored swimsuits are much more revealing. They can show off imperfections that dark suits conceal, such as love handles.
- Swimsuits without much pattern or detailing work well as a slimming option.
- Choose a suit with a skirt or boyshort bottom for a conservative option. If you want to cover up just a bit, look for swimsuits that have a more conservative bottom. Many adorable styles come in boyshort or skirt options. That way, you won't have anything to be self-conscious about when you wear your one piece.[3]
- When shopping, you can ask an associate if they carry any of these styles. If you are having trouble finding them, order your bathing suit online.
- Get a one piece with a lace-up or low-cut front for a flirty style. If you want a bathing suit with a sexy touch, look for deep "V" tops or flirty accents, like straps or ties. Small details like this can take a simple one piece to the next level![4]
- In addition, you can look for cut-out style one piece suits, where only the front of the suit is attached.
- Select a suit with a ruffled top or fun pattern if you have a smaller bust. To add some enhancement and emphasis to your chest, pick out one pieces with detailing on the top. This adds a flirty touch to your suit.[5]
- For example, look for patterns like polka dot or floral print, or go for ruffles or colored liners.
- If you want a bit more definition, you can also add bra inserts to your bathing suit top.
- Choose a one piece with underwire if you want a more supportive top. If you want a bit more comfort while wearing your bathing suit, opt for a suit with an underwire top. This provides support and comfort whether you are lounging by the pool or wearing your one piece on a date. Underwire can also provide some lift and definition, and many bathing suits are sized based off of your bust size.[6]
- This is a great option if you have a large bust.
- Avoid suits that have a lot of detailing or patterns around the tummy. Suits with detailing around your stomach can cause unnecessary attention to this area. Instead, choose suits with a simple, streamlined waist and stomach.
- If you want a suit with detailing, look for an all-over print or a trim, for example.
EditCreating Outfits With Your One Piece - Throw on a pair of denim or Bermuda shorts for a cute, casual style. This is a great option if you are leaving the pool for a day on the town or want to style your outfit before you get to the beach. Purchase a pair from a local store, thrift shop, or online.[7]
- Denim shorts add a relaxed feeling, and you can choose from high, mid, or low-waist varieties.
- Bermuda shorts come in solid colors like khaki or beach motifs. These have a bit more polished feel than denim shorts.
- Pair your skirt with a miniskirt for a flirty style. Slip a short skirt over top your one piece, and you can easily transform your look into a cute style great for date night or a night out on the town. For a polished look, choose a skirt that complements
- You can choose a patterned skirt or denim skirt, for example.
- Wear a maxi skirt with your one piece for a flattering, elegant look. Simply step into the skirt and pull it onto your hips, and you can easily create a stylish outfit. This looks great for relaxed, beachy outfits as well as sophisticated, evening looks, depending on your skirt. Match your suit color or pattern to your skirt for a super polished look![8]
- Wear flowy, colorful skirts for casual looks, for example.
- In addition, you can also wear a maxi dress instead of a skirt if you prefer.
- Wear a patterned suit with a lightweight, white dress for a pop of color. To dress up your one piece look, put on a pattered suit and wear a thin light-colored dress over top. The pattern of your suit shows through the light material, so you can still cover up but show off your suit![9]
- This looks great with polka dot and floral printed suits, for example.
- Try wearing jeans with your one piece if you are going out. Whether you are running errands or going out to the bars, you can easily slip on a pair of jeans to create your outfit. Jeans pair great with nearly every swimsuit, and you can create casual and nighttime looks with your favorite pair.[10]
- In addition, you can pair your one piece with overalls. Simply pull them up, flip the straps over your shoulder, and buckle them in place.
- You can also throw on a cardigan sweater, button-down shirt, or cropped jacket for an additional layer.
- Choose clothing in island motifs or bright colors for a tropical look. If you want to bring the beach with you, select clothing pieces with tropical motifs and patterns. This can be bottoms, tops, or outer layers. Look for colors like salmon, lime, and turquoise, and select patterns like flowers, parrots, pineapples, and palm trees.[11]
- Select a palm tree printed skirt or shorts with a pineapple pattern, for example.
- This looks great with a straw purse, sandals, and oversized sunglasses.
- Wear a halter one piece with wide-legged pants for a retro vibe. One piece suits that have a halter-neck style and ruching on the side have a slightly retro feel. Pair this with a pair of wide-legged pants, and you can easily create a retro-inspired look.[12]
- For an extra vintage look, select high-waisted pants.
- You can also throw on cat-eye sunglasses and some red lipstick to elevate your look.
EditAdding Accessories - Wear sandals if you want to go with a casual, relaxed style. What pairs better with a bathing suit than a pair of sandals? Choose either a flip-flop or strappy pair, and slip them on your feet after you lay out or swim. You can choose neutral-toned sandals for daily shoes, and you can go with embellished or colored sandals for evening looks.[13]
- These pair great with shorts and skirts, for example.
- Throw on a pair of wedges for a flirty, streamlined look. Wedges are shoes that have a sole that also acts as the heel. They are usually tall, and they easily add some glam to your outfit. Wear wedges with casual looks and nighttime looks if you want to lengthen your legs.[14]
- For example, wear a pair of cork wedges around the pool, or wear wedge pumps with your one piece and maxi dress.
- Slip on a pair of sneakers for a sporty, on-the-go style. For a casual footwear option, choose a pair of lightweight sneakers, like Converse or Nike. Pair these with your one piece and shorts for a daytime look, or throw them on with a pair of skinny jeans for a night out. Either way, you'll be comfortable and stylish in sneakers![15]
- These are great if you are exploring the beach town or going on a bike ride.
- Choose from caps, flat-brimmed, or slouchy hats for shade and style. They all shield your eyes from the rays while also adding a stylish accessory to your outfit. Hats are fashionable and functional when paired with a one piece.[16]
- Baseball caps look great with one pieces, shorts, and sneakers for a tomboy style.
- Wear straw hats for a beachy vibe.
- Go with slouchy hats if you want a stylish look but you also want some shade.
- Choose oversize, aviator, or cat-eye sunglasses to complete your look. Pick a pair of sunglasses that suits your style! Oversize glasses look great with girly, flirty outfits. Rock aviator glasses with casual or tomboy outfits. Go with cat-eye shaped sunglasses for retro or vintage styles. Before you head to the beach, throw on your sunglasses to add a stylish accessory![17]
- If you are wearing your one piece for a nighttime look, you can wear your sunglasses on your head for a beachy touch, if you'd like.
- A quality one piece may cost a bit of money at first, but you can wear this with so many different outfits. More expensive bathing suits often have better quality and will last you years, as well.
- Have fun when you style your one piece! Try pairing it with outfits you wouldn't think of right away. You never know what kind of beach-ready outfits you can come up with.
- If you are shopping in stores, check the fit of your bathing suit before you leave. This avoids any returns down the line.
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| How to Teach a Hamster Tricks Posted: 13 Jun 2018 09:00 AM PDT You can have a lot of fun teaching tricks to a trained hamster. Once you have a good bond with your hamster, you can easily teach it to follow a few commands like how to stand, jump, and do circles. Hamsters also have a natural desire to run, so running an obstacle course is a perfect trick to get your hamster to do. EditTeaching Simple Commands - Pick up your hamster to build a bond with it. The first step to teaching tricks to a hamster is building a bond with it. Spend time with your hamster when you first get it so that it gets used to your smell and voice. Pick your hamster up out of its cage and let it crawl up and down your arms while talking to it softly.[1]
- Pet your hamster gently with 1 or 2 fingers on its back while talking to it.
- If your hamster bites or appears not to like being held, leave it in its cage while you spend more time with it. Give it treats through the cage while talking to it. After a few days of doing this, try reaching in to pet your hamster again. It can take time for your hamster to become used to you.
- Get treats that your hamster enjoys. Most hamsters are highly motivated by food. Sunflower seeds are often a favorite a favorite treat, but they can be fattening so try to use them sparingly. Experiment with different treats to find your hamster's favorite by offering treats while bonding with it.[2]
- If your hamster prefers a treat, it will eat it quickly and look for more. If your hamster doesn't like a certain treat, it will often not finish it.
- Some hamsters prefer grain treats like Cheerios, others like a small chopped vegetable like a piece of raw carrot. Try these treats for a tasty option for your hamster.
- Hold a treat over your hamster's head to teach "stand." "Stand" is one of the easiest commands to begin with for tricks. Hold your treat up over your hamster's head so that it's out of reach and say "stand" as you do this. Your hamster will get up on its hind legs to get closer to the treat.[3]
- While you're teaching your hamster this trick, go slowly to give it time to learn each step. Start by just getting your hamster to rise on its back legs. When it gets used to standing, add your command. Give your hamster lots of praise for doing its trick!
- Give the treat as soon as your hamster stands and give it verbal praise by saying "good!" softly. If your hamster doesn't stand, don't give the treat and wait until it does.[4]
- If your hamster doesn't stand at all and you've been waiting and repeating "stand," it may not be hungry right then. Put the treat away and try again later.
- If you try several times in a day and your hamster still doesn't respond, try a different treat for motivation.
- Work on 1 command at a time, and repeat it 2-3 times per day for 1-2 weeks. Most tricks will take a week or 2 to learn without pause. Keep doing the "stand" trick everyday 2-3 times per day, until your hamster seems to have really mastered it. [5]
- Test how well your hamster knows the trick by holding just your fingers above its head without a treat. Say "stand." If you do this and your hamster stands, it really knows the stand trick. Still give it a treat for standing.
- Hold the treat a bit higher and move it up to teach "jump." Once your hamster has mastered "stand," you can try teaching it to jump. For the jump trick, hold the treat a bit higher until your hamster stands up. Move the treat up and forward with a quick jumping motion while saying "jump."[6]
- If your hamster tries to jump after the treat when you move it, give the treat immediately and say, "good!"
- If your hamster doesn't jump, go back to "stand" by placing the treat closer and saying "stand" then give the treat. Then try "jump" again. If your hamster doesn't jump the second time, put the treat away and try again later.
- Use a hoop and treat to teach "jump through the hoop." Some hamsters actually master jumping through a hoop faster than regular jumping, because there's an object they can see that they have to get over. Take a hoop made from a thin plastic circle, a wide metal or plastic bracelet, or a stretchy spiral bracelet. Hold the hoop in front of the hamster and hold the treat up and on the other side of it.[7]
- Say "jump through the hoop" or simply "jump" while holding the hoop and the treat. If your hamster goes through the hoop, give it the treat immediately and say, "good!"
- Be careful not to hold the hoop too high at first. Hold it low in front of your hamster, then if that seems easy you can move it up a little.
- Be sure to use a hoop that's wide enough for the hamster to easily get through.
- If your hamster won't jump through the hoop at first, go back to the "stand" trick and give it a treat for standing. Then try the hoop trick again. If it doesn't jump, put the treat away and try again later.
- Hold a treat above your hamster and move it in wide circles to teach "do circles." Another trick you can try that's a little more advanced than "stand" is "do circles." Hold the treat above your hamster. It will probably stand at first, but move the treat out and in a circle to see if it follows the treat by running in a circle while saying "do circles."
- If your hamster does a circle, give it the treat immediately and say "good!"
- If your hamster doesn't do a circle, pull the treat back for a few seconds and then do the "stand" trick and give the treat. Then try "do circles" again. If it doesn't do any circles again, put the treat away and try again later.[8]
EditCreating an Obstacle Course - Provide jumps using building blocks or jars. Create some jumping activities by building jumps with Legos or wooden building blocks. You can also use cylinder food jars like pasta sauce or applesauce jars for your hamster to scramble over. Begin placing some jumps down on the floor where you are going to set up the obstacle course.[9]
- Make sure the jumps aren't too high, otherwise your hamster will be tempted to run around them instead of over them. If it struggles to get over your jumps, try lowering the blocks. Or if you're using jars, try narrower jars like olive jars to start with.
- Include tunnels made from toilet paper rolls or other cylinders. Hamsters love to run through tunnels. You can use toilet paper or paper towel rolls, pre-made hamster tunnels, or a bendy tunnel made from a plastic slinky. Start placing the tunnels between the jumps you have made in the area that you're building your obstacle course.[10]
- Most hamsters will narrow their bodies and squeeze through a tunnel that appears to narrow for them. They like to do this. Tunnels that are the width of toilet paper rolls are perfect to start with.
- Make a see-saw with a plank and wooden triangle. Your hamster will enjoy running up and down a see-saw too. Use a thin wooden plank that's about long and wide enough for your hamster's body. Place the plank on a triangular wooden block so that the down end is facing the direction that your hamster will come from in the obstacle course.[11]
- Use a triangular block that's about the same width as your plank or wider for the best results. Using one that's too thin could cause the plank to tip off the edge of the triangle sideways.
- Arrange your obstacles in a certain order and stick with it. Once you've gathered your obstacles, place them in an order that you think your hamster will enjoy running. You're going to want to keep the obstacles in the same order for a while until the hamster gets used to running the course and can do the course on its own.[12]
- Build walls around the course to make the hamster run it in order. Using cardboard or building blocks, build walls about high to place directly around your obstacles. Place them close enough to each obstacle so that your hamster will avoid trying to run around the obstacle instead of completing it.[13]
- Large building blocks should create a pretty sturdy wall. Try using large Legos for the best results. If you're using cardboard, you may have to bend the cardboard to get it to stand up, or glue supports onto the outside using other pieces of leaning cardboard.
- Move a treat in front of the hamster while it completes the course. Once your obstacles and walls are all set in place, bring your hamster to the beginning of the course and set it down. Get your treat out and hold it out in front of the hamster until it completes the first obstacle. Continue holding the treat just in front of your hamster, moving it along the obstacle course as your hamster completes it.[14]
- Each time your hamster reaches a tunnel, hold the treat on the far side of the tunnel so the hamster has to run through the tunnel to get to it.
- If your hamster becomes confused and refuses to complete an obstacle, continue moving the treat in front of it in the direction of completing the obstacle until it's able to complete the obstacle.
- If your hamster gives up before completing all the obstacles, place it at the beginning to see if it will complete the ones it knows. If it does, give it the treat and then return your hamster to its cage and try the whole course again later.
- Leave the treat at the end of the course once your hamster can run it. Once your hamster can run the entire course on its own following the treat, try placing a treat at the very end of the course. Don't hold a treat and use just your fingers to guide the hamster along the course through each obstacle if it needs you to.[15]
- Sometimes a hamster will just remember how to do the course and run it fast without needing any guidance from your fingers because it remembers there's a treat at the end. If it does, let your hamster do this several times before changing the order of the obstacle course around.
- Avoid teaching tricks to a hamster that does not like to be held or who bites you frequently. You will need to build a good bond with your hamster by using other training methods before moving onto tricks.
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