| How to Show Empathy Posted: 11 Oct 2020 01:00 AM PDT Being able to practice empathy is one of the most important skills you can learn. To do it, you have to put yourself in someone else's shoes and see the world from where they're sitting. Giving another person your full attention and really listening to what they have to say is the best and easiest place to start. Once you get comfortable with that, work on doing and saying things that make them feel supported and understood. Learning to be empathetic takes time and practice, but the end result can help you connect with others on a deeper level and lead a more fulfilling life. [Edit]Improving Your Listening Skills - Give the person your undivided attention so they feel important. Get rid of any potential distractions, like your phone or computer, so you can focus completely on the other person. This creates a safe, supportive space for the person to share what they have to say because it shows that you respect and care about their thoughts and feelings.[1]
- For example, if you're in the middle of an email and your friend wants to talk, put your laptop aside for a few minutes so you can focus on them.
- If you accidentally get distracted, bring yourself back to the present by saying something like, "I'm sorry, can you repeat what you just said? I didn't catch that last part."
- Let the person speak without interrupting them as a sign of respect. Try to avoid inserting your own thoughts and feelings into the conversation. Remember, this is all about the other person's thoughts and feelings! Give them a chance to say everything they need to say without interrupting them.[2]
- It can be tempting to offer advice, but keep in mind that the best way to help is to listen to them.
- If the person pauses or seems unsure about continuing, it's okay to say something encouraging like, "Please, keep going" or "Go on."
- Look them in the eye and nod to show that you're engaged. Supportive, nonverbal body language lets the other person know that you're listening. Sit or stand up straight, face them, look them directly in the eye, and nod every now and then to make it clear you're engaged in the conversation and following along.[3]
- Sometimes, just nodding silently can seem a bit cold. It's completely fine to say things like "I understand or "Mmm-hmm."[4]
- Don't let your gaze drift around the room, but try to avoid staring the person down, as well. It can take a little time to perfect this skill, but you can do it!
- Unspoken rules about eye contact can vary by culture or in certain situations; you may need to adapt. For example, someone from America or Canada might expect more eye contact than someone from Japan or Asia. People on the autism spectrum may actually feel threatened by persistent eye contact.[5]
- Acknowledge their feelings to show support and understanding. Acknowledging someone's feelings makes them feel heard and validated.[6] Pay attention to the words they're saying, but watch for other clues about their emotional state like their vocal inflection, tone of voice, the amount of enthusiasm they're showing (or lack of it), facial expressions, posture, and so on.[7] Once you understand what they're feeling, acknowledge it out loud by saying things like:
- "It sounds like you're going through a lot right now."
- "I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's a tough situation."
- "I can see how difficult this must be for you."
- Avoid passing judgment so you can see things from their perspective. Try to let go of your own opinions so you can see things the way the other person is seeing and experiencing them. You don't have to agree with everything the person says, but being as objective as possible shows them that you care about their side of the story.[8]
- Taking the time to gain a deeper understanding of another person's perspective is a big part of empathy.[9]
- Making snap judgments about others is a natural part of being human. Our ancestors did it to feel out potentially dangerous people and situations. It can take some practice to override this natural tendency.[10]
- Paraphrase or summarize what they said to show you were listening. Once the person finishes talking or whenever there's natural lull in the conversation, briefly restate what they said to you. You can summarize in a general way, restate their main ideas, or acknowledge the specific feelings the person shared with you. Do whatever feels right for the situation.[11] You might say:
- "It sounds like you're pretty upset about your brother not paying you back the money he owes you. That's a lot to deal with."
- "You sound excited about Erik's news! This is a big step for him."
- It's also fine to paraphrase in question form since this can help the person see how they feel more clearly. For example: "So are you saying that you felt uncomfortable in that situation?"[12]
- Ask for clarification if there's anything you don't understand. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask them during a pause or at the end of the conversation. Follow-up questions show the other person that you truly want to understand their position and their answers allow you to gain more insight into their point of view.[13] You could ask questions like:
- "Can you tell me more about how he acted the last time you saw him?"
- "What was her reaction when you shared your big news with her?"
- "What do you mean when you say you are a failure?"[14]
[Edit]Connecting on a Deeper Level - Share your own experiences so they feel understood and less alone. Listening is crucial, but empathy is often a two-way street. Sharing your own vulnerabilities or experiences can create an emotional connection between you and the other person, especially if you've been through a similar situation. Disclosing your own experiences isn't always appropriate, so feel it out and choose your opportunities wisely.[15] You might tell them:
- "I remember when my mother told me I would never amount to anything. It was an awful feeling."
- "I felt that way right after I graduated, too. It can be tough to get your bearings when you're first starting out."
- "I experienced a similar situation when I was going through my divorce. The custody battle was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life."
- Offer useful feedback or insight without hijacking the conversation. Providing feedback and sharing any useful thoughts and ideas you have can deepen the conversation and make it feel more collaborative. It can also help the other person see their situation in a new light or show them alternative paths to consider. Just be careful not to make the conversation about you! Only offer feedback that will be useful to them after they've shared what they need to say.[16] Try saying things like:
- "I went through something similar last year with my girlfriend. Once we confronted the situation head on, things got easier for us. Maybe doing something similar could help in your situation?"
- "I haven't experienced anything like that before, but I think I would probably react by doing/saying/feeling _____."
- I hear what you're saying. What do you think about trying ______?"
- Avoid telling them what to do or feel to keep communication open. Never try to direct or control a person's emotions after they share them. Offering possible solutions can be helpful, but telling someone how to deal with or solve a problem after one conversation feels dismissive.[17] For example, avoid things like:
- "You shouldn't worry so much about what other people think." Telling them that they shouldn't worry when they're clearly already worried just creates an unsafe space where they no longer feel comfortable sharing with you.
- "This might feel like a big right deal now, but later on you'll see that it didn't really matter that much." Young people tend to hear this a lot from their elders. Remember: the way they feel right now is all that matters.
- Ask if you can do anything to help to show them that you care. Offering your help shows the person that you're willing to take time out of your day to do something for them without asking for anything in return. Oftentimes, just offering your help is all it really takes for the other person to feel seen, understood, and less alone. If you do offer your help and they take you up on it, it's really important to show up and make good on your offer.[18] For example, try saying:
- "I'm here for you any time you need me. Is there anything I can do right now to help you feel better?"
- "Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?"
- "I'm here to help when or if you need me. All you have to do is reach out and I'm there."
- Offer physical affection to comfort them if it feels appropriate. You can't do this with everyone, but if you know the person well, give them a hug, put an arm around their shoulders, or briefly touch their arm or hand. The act of touching creates a connection between the two of you and many people are comforted by touch.[19]
- Some people don't like being touched. Everyone is different! Do what feels right in the moment.
- If you don't know the person well, you might want to ask if it's okay before you go in for a hug. Say something like, "Is it okay if I hug you right now?"
- A gentle pat on the back is appropriate in most situations if you're unsure what to do.
[Edit]Cultivating an Empathetic Personality - Challenge your prejudices and biases to see the world more objectively. It can be tough to realize that something you've always believed or assumed to be true is actually deeply ingrained prejudice. Take time to analyze your own prejudices before passing judgment or dismissing someone. Search for things that you share in common with them instead of focusing on how you're different from them.[20]
- For example, try to see the individual person standing in front of you rather than a "welfare mom," "terrorist," or "gang member."
- Volunteer with an organization to see what other people's lives are like. Volunteering connects you with people who you probably would have never crossed paths with in your everyday life. Interacting with them and see their struggles helps you look at their world through their eyes. Do some research in your local community to determine which populations may be in need.[21]
- For example, volunteer at a local homeless shelter or the Red Cross.
- Check out local organizations for inner city kids, abuse survivors, and people suffering from addiction and see how you can help out.
- Be curious about other people to learn more about their lives. Challenge yourself to have a conversation with at least one new person each week to get a glimpse into their world. Don't interrogate them, just make an attempt to sit and talk with them. Try to go beyond simply chatting about the weather, although the weather can be a good opener![22]
- To start a conversation with a stranger, try asking a question about the book they're reading. Or you could ask someone for help or an explanation about something in your environment. Smile encouragingly and speak kindly.
- If you feel threatened or uncomfortable, end the conversation and get away. Trust your instincts.
- Use your imagination to put yourself in someone else's shoes. You can't experience every single thing that can happen to another person, but you can use your imagination to give you an inkling of how it might feel to be them. For example, if you see a homeless man asking for money, try imagining what it would be like to live on the streets.[23]
- Research shows fiction readers tend to be better at understanding emotions, behaviors, and intentions than other people. Read widely and try to branch out into the works of marginalized people to get a broader glimpse of the world.[24]
[Edit]Warnings - Don't be discouraged if you don't do it right the first few times. Like anything else, showing empathy takes practice.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Crochet a Potholder Posted: 10 Oct 2020 05:00 PM PDT Potholders are a perfect project if you're new to crocheting or just want to use up some of your yarn. As long as you can make a chain and single crochet, you should be able to create a thick square that protects you from hot pots and pans. This double-thick potholder is worked around instead of back and forth so both layers form as you crochet. It's sometimes called a folded or magic potholder because it works up so quickly! [Edit]Making a Foundation Chain - Choose worsted weight cotton yarn. You'll need a 4-ounce (113 g) skein of worsted weight yarn or #4 yarn like afghan or aran yarn. Look for yarn made from all cotton since acrylic yarn can melt if you set a hot pan on it.[1]
- Pick a solid yarn or get multi-colored yarn for a vibrant potholder.
- Make a slip knot. Pull a length of yarn and twist the end into a loop. Slide your thumb and forefinger into the loop and use them to grab the yarn tail. Hold the working yarn with your other hand so you can pull the tail through the loop near its center or near the loop-side of the tail. Gently pull the working yarn to close the loop around the tail as you pull it through to make another loop.[2]
- If you're new to making slip knots, practice a few times. To tell if you've correctly made a slip knot, keep pulling the yarn in opposite directions. The knot should come undone instead of tightening.
- Slide the knot onto a size US G (5 mm) crochet hook. Slip the knot onto the crochet hook and pull the yarn until it's snug around the hook. Don't pull too tightly or you'll have a hard time making your foundation chain.[3]
- Make 35 chain stitches to create a foundation chain. Take the working yarn that's attached to the skein and wrap it once around your crochet hook. Bring the hook through the loop to make 1 chain. Then, repeat this to make a total of 35 chain stitches, which should be around long.[4]
- This makes the foundation or bottom edge for your potholder.
- Although gauge doesn't matter very much for this project, you may want to crochet tighter if your chain is longer than or make looser stitches if your chain is too short.
[Edit]Single-Crocheting the Potholder - Make a single crochet (SC) into the foundation chain. Insert your hook into the chain stitch that's closest to the hook and wrap the yarn around it once. Bring the hook back through the chain so you have 2 loops on the hook. Wrap the yarn around the hook 1 more time and pull your hook through the 2 loops to create 1 single crochet stitch.[5]
- The single crochet stitch is one of the fastest crochet stitches to work, so this potholder comes together quickly.
- Single crochet until you reach the last stitch on the foundation. Keep making a single crochet stitch into each chain. Stop crocheting when there's just 1 chain left on the foundation.[6]
- This means you'll make a total of 34 SC stitches on this side of the foundation chain.
- Make 2 single crochet stitches in the last stitch to make a corner. Once you're at the last chain on the foundation, make a SC stitch. Then, insert your hook into the same chain stitch and make another SC stitch into it. This makes a slight curve that forms the corner of your potholder.[7]
- Single crochet every stitch along the other side of the chain. Now that you've curved the end of your foundation, you can crochet into the back loops of the chain. Make a SC stitch into the back of each stitch until you reach the other end of the row. You'll make 35 SC stitches along the back of the foundation chain. This completes the first full row of SC.[8]
- It's really important that you don't join the rows and turn the work. Instead, remember to SC into the back loops.
- Continue to SC back and forth until your potholder is an square. You don't need to make extra SC stitches in the corners since you've already established them. Just remember to keep making SC stitches into the stitches of the SC row immediately before it, rather than into the chain stitches. Depending on your tension, you'll need to knit around 40 rows of SC with 71 stitches each. When your potholder is at least square, work to the end of the last row you'd like to complete.[9]
- This makes 2 layers of fabric, which form the double-thick potholder.
[Edit]Finishing Your Potholder - Make 7 chain stitches to form a hanging loop. When you reach the corner and your potholder is as big as you like, make 7 chain stitches. This makes a short length of fabric that you'll use to make a loop for hanging up your potholder when you're not using it.[10]
- Attach the loop to the potholder with a slip stitch. Keep the last loop of your chain on your hook and push your hook into the corner of your potholder. To join the loop to the potholder, grab the working yarn with your hook. Pull it through the loop and then pull it through the stitch on your hook.[11]
- If you don't want your potholder to have a hanging loop, just skip these steps and tie off your working yarn.
- Cut a yarn tail and tie off the yarn. Leave a long yarn tail that you can use to sew the top of the potholder closed. Before you sew it closed, however, bring the yarn through your last stitch and make a knot.[12]
- If you forget to leave a long yarn tail, just tie a length of yarn to the end of your yarn tail and use it to sew the potholder shut.
- Thread a tapestry needle and whipstitch the top edges closed. Insert the needle through the stitch that's closest to the hanging loop and push it through the opposite stitch on the other edge of the potholder. Pull the yarn and insert the needle through the next stitch. Continue to whipstitch until you reach the end. Then, tie off the yarn and use your hook to pull the tail into the center of the potholder.[13]
- If you feel more comfortable making the slip stitch, use a tapestry needle to slip stitch between the stitches on the edges of the potholder to join them.
- Creating a potholder is great crocheting practice and they make great gifts!
- It's really important to sew a double-thick potholder instead of a single-layer one since the extra layer protects you from getting burned.
[Edit]Things You'll Need - 4-ounce (113 g) skein of worsted weight yarn
- Size US G (5 mm) crochet hook
- Scissors
- Tapestry or darning needle
[Edit]References |
| How to Keep a Rabbit in an Apartment Posted: 10 Oct 2020 09:00 AM PDT Rabbits are cute, cuddly, and make great pets! Because of their size and quiet habits, rabbits are actually perfect if you live in an apartment. While caring for a rabbit is similar whether you live in a house or apartment, there are a few extra steps you'll need to take to make sure your rabbit stays healthy and doesn't damage anything. As long as you take these precautions, then your rabbit will stay happy for years to come! [Edit]Rabbit-Proofing Your Apartment - Confirm that your apartment allows rabbits. Whether you're moving to a new place or have already moved in, you always need to check your landlord's animal rules before getting a pet. This is especially important with rabbits, because they love to chew and can cause some serious damage for such a small animal. Confirm that rabbits are allowed before getting one.[1]
- Don't assume that an apartment allows rabbits just because it allows dogs and cats. Many landlords put rabbits in a different category, so asking is the best bet.
- If a landlord doesn't explicitly say that they don't allow pets and you aren't sure, then make an appointment to see the place and give a good impression before mentioning your pet. They might be more willing to make an exception if you seem like a good tenant.[2]
- Put plastic carpet protectors in room corners if you have carpeting. Rabbits love to dig, and they have a habit of digging into carpets in corners. If you do have carpets, put down plastic carpet protectors in the corners, the same type you'd use under a computer chair or desk.[3]
- You could also just block off carpeted areas instead.
- Make sure you put some hay in your rabbit's enclosure so it can dig there. This can distract it from digging at carpets.
- Use baseboard covers to protect your walls. Baseboards are the perfect height for rabbits to chew on, and their little teeth can do some real damage. Luckily, hardware stores sell baseboard covers that can prevent this. Get some of these and install them over the baseboards to protect your walls.[4]
- Using furniture or boxes to block off the baseboards is another option, but it might not be practical to do this through your whole apartment.
- You could also use something like bitter apple spray to make walls and wood furniture taste bad. This might stop your rabbit from chewing on them.[5]
- Block off areas with wires so your rabbit can't chew on them. Rabbits have a habit of chewing on wires, which can not only cut your power, but could hurt your rabbit. Go through your apartment and try to block off spots that have a lot of wires. Common spots are behind your TV, on your desk, near your router, and around any appliances. If you can't block off these areas, try to raise the wires up so your rabbit can't reach them.[6]
- You can get little plastic attachments at most hardware or electronics stores to stick wires to your walls and raise them up. Tape also works.
- Make sure you check your entire apartment to find any wires that you might've missed. Your rabbit can fit into small spaces and might uncover some wires to chew on.
- Wrap wires in coating to protect them. Whether you can't block off all your wires or you just want to be extra careful, protective coating can also stop your rabbit from biting through them. Try getting metal or plastic coatings from an electronics store and wrapping them around your wires for an extra layer of protection.[7]
- These coatings are just a precaution, and your rabbit could still bite through them with some extra work. Make sure you keep an eye on your rabbit and stop them from biting any wires.
- Raise houseplants so your rabbit can't reach them. Most houseplants are toxic to rabbits, but this won't stop your rabbit from trying to eat them. Make sure your raise all your houseplants high enough so your rabbit can't reach them at all.[8]
[Edit]Setting Up Your Rabbit's Space - Pick a roomy, quiet spot for your rabbit's living area. Even if you're going to let your rabbit roam the apartment, it's best for rabbits to have a home base to rest, eat, use the bathroom, and play. Start by choosing a roomy spot large enough to set up a big cage or enclosure. Make sure it's a quiet spot, but not too far away from everyone else so your rabbit doesn't feel lonely.[9]
- If you're in a small apartment, you might have to rearrange some furniture to make room.
- If you have enough space, you could make a whole room your rabbit's living area. This way, you can just focus on rabbit-proofing that room instead of your whole apartment.
- Keep your rabbit in a cool spot away from direct sunlight. Make sure your rabbit's living space is cool and away from any heating vents, since they can overheat easily. Also make sure the area doesn't get any direct sunlight.[10] You might have to use shades to block sunlight and keep your rabbit comfortable.
- Any drafts could make your rabbit uncomfortable, so make sure to close any vents or set up the living area out of their paths.
- Set up a cage or pen for your rabbit. In general, get housing that's at least 4 times longer than your rabbit and twice as wide, but bigger is better because your rabbit will grow.[11] You can use either a large cage designed for rabbits or a gate to create an enclosure.
- You could keep your rabbit penned in their housing most of the time, which makes protecting your apartment easier. That way, you can easily watch them while they're running around and stop them from chewing anything.
- Make sure any housing you use for your rabbit has flat flooring. Wire flooring is bad for their feet and they might dig into carpeting.[12]
- Include food and water in the rabbit's cage. Rabbits like to eat in their living area, so make sure to set these up as well. Put your rabbit's food bowl in the cage or enclosure, and hang their water bottle so they can drink whenever they want.[13]
- This is important whether you have a caged or free-roam rabbit. Leave their food and water in their normal living area.
- Put a litter area in the rabbit's pen. Rabbits can be house-trained, which is very important for keeping one in your apartment. Setting up a litter area in your rabbit's pen is very easy. Just put some crumpled up newspaper in a pan for your rabbit to use.[14]
- Make sure you clean the litter area daily.[15]
- Don't use wood chips or kitty litter in your rabbit's litter area. These can be toxic to rabbits.
- Clean your rabbit's living area weekly. Rabbits tend to be clean, but their living areas will inevitably get messy and smelly. Hair, old straw, and food bits can build up fast. Once or twice a week, do a full cage cleaning. Scoop out any old food or hair and wash the floor with soap and water.[16] Put fresh straw, cardboard, and newspaper in the cage and let it dry before letting your rabbit back in.
- You can let your rabbit roam or put them in another cage while you're cleaning.
- Clean the area around the cage too, especially if it's carpeted. Vacuum and sweep any hairs, food, or straw so it doesn't start smelling.
[Edit]Caring for Your Rabbit - Spay or neuter your rabbit. Fixing your rabbit solves a lot of behavioral issues like chewing and aggression, and it also makes house-training easier. In general, you should fix your rabbit between 3 1/2 and 6 months old, so visit a vet for the right procedure.[17]
- If your landlord is on the fence about letting you keep a rabbit, emphasizing that neutering solves many issues could help convince them.[18]
- Trim your rabbit's nails regularly. If your rabbit has long nails, they're more likely to damage your walls, floors, and carpets. Inspect your rabbit's nails regularly and give them a trim if they're long.[19]
- In general, a monthly trim is perfect. As soon as the nail starts curving, it needs to be clipped.
- If you don't know how to cut your rabbit's nails, your vet can show you.
- Give your rabbit plenty of toys to chew on. Rabbits are more likely to chew on furniture and walls if they're bored. Make sure your rabbit has plenty of chew toys to keep them busy. This way, you can cut down on the amount of chewing they do around your apartment.[20]
- You can get rabbit chew toys from a pet store. Rabbits also like chewing on cardboard, so try using some old boxes or toilet paper tubes for an inexpensive option.
- Rabbits also love to play with non-toxic baby toys, so you can get some of these too.[21]
- Let your rabbit exercise for at least 3 hours a day. While they're tiny, rabbits are energetic animals and need to move around a lot to stay in shape. In general, they need at least 3 hours of exercise each day, so let yours out of its enclosure every day to move around. Rabbits exercise by hopping, chewing, playing with toys, and just generally exploring, so your rabbit should be able to take care of itself once you let it roam a little.[22]
- This might be a little tougher in an apartment, but you don't need much room. As long as your rabbit has enough time and space to hop around, then it should be able to get plenty of exercise.
- Keep an eye on your rabbit while it's roaming. Make sure it stays away from any wires, windows, or your front door.
- Spend time with your rabbit so it stays happy. Rabbits need attention just like any other pet. Play with your rabbit and spend time with it every day. This keeps them happy and social.[23]
- Rabbits don't usually like being picked up, so don't do this too much. You could let them sit or lay next to you while you're on your couch to enjoy some connection instead.
- Rabbits are happy in groups, so you might want to consider getting another one so your rabbit has a friend. However, only do this if you're sure you can take care of more than one rabbit.
- Protect your rabbit from other pets. While rabbits can definitely live together with other pets, you have to make sure your rabbit is protected at all times. Dogs or cats are natural hunters, and might go after your rabbit if they aren't introduced properly. Make sure the rabbit's living area is totally safe from other pets and they can't get in there. When you're letting your rabbit roam, keep an eye on all your pets so no accidents happen.[24]
- If possible, make sure your other pets are well-trained and respond to commands before adding a rabbit into the mix. This should prevent any problems.
- Rabbits are sensitive to loud noises, so a barking dog could spook yours. If your dog starts barking, try to get it to quiet down.
[Edit]Warnings - You might think rabbits are low-maintenance pets, but they require just as much work as any other pet. Be sure you're ready for the commitment if you're considering getting one.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References |
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