| How to Ask for a Divorce Posted: 16 Apr 2018 01:00 AM PDT Making the choice to get a divorce is a difficult one. First, think about what's going wrong, get advice, and see if you and your spouse can work things out. If you still choose to get a divorce, prepare yourself for a very delicate conversation. State your desires honestly and directly, without playing the blame-game. After that, take the next steps to proceed legally and get the support you need to move forward. EditBroaching the Issue - Get some distance to think. Give yourself some time to process things before making a decision. Sometimes, getting some space—physically, mentally, or emotionally—from the issue can help you see things more clearly. You can also use this time to consider the ramifications of getting a divorce.[1]
- Maybe you need a weekend away at a hotel or with relatives or friends to think things through. Perhaps things aren't as bad as you are making them and getting some time to yourself can help shift your perspective.
- On the other hand, getting some distance from your spouse may also help you clarify that you are not happy in the relationship. You might use this time to better identify what's going wrong.
- You might also spend some time pondering the potential fallout of ending your marriage, such as experiencing financial instability, not living with your children or only living with them part-time, or breaking from your religious beliefs.[2]
- Make a list of your reasons. Take some time to think over why you want a divorce. Help build your argument by listing out your reasons on paper. Some of the most common problems that lead to divorce include:[3]
- Having poor conflict resolution
- Experiencing a lack of intimacy (i.e., emotional and physical)
- Seeking satisfaction outside the marriage—like with work or extramarital relationships
- Seek advice from someone you trust. If you're on the fence about getting a divorce, reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, therapist, or spiritual adviser. Share your reasons and see if this person can help you figure out what it is you really want.[4]
- Simply talking to someone compassionate can help bring to the surface your reasoning for wanting a divorce and help you reach a decision.
- Choose someone who is unbiased, like a friend from your parent support group, rather than talking to your mom or your spouse's sibling.
- Try couples therapy or spiritual counseling. Getting counseling ensures that your marriage has its best shot. Even if it doesn't work out, you can walk away with a sense of peace afterwards—you gave it all you had. Say to your spouse, "Why don't we meet with a counselor to see if we can work through our problems?"[5]
- If you are a spiritual person, consult with an adviser or see a marriage and family therapist.
- If your spouse refuses therapy, go on your own to discuss what's going on in your marriage. A counselor can help you reach a decision about whether you want to end things.
EditHaving the Conversation - Have a preliminary talk with your spouse. Even if you are unhappy with the marriage, try not to blindside your partner, particularly if they think the relationship is in a good place. Speak with them about what's bothering you and give them the chance to resolve things before calling it quits.[6]
- For instance, you might say, "I haven't been happy for a while" or "I feel disconnected from you lately, and I'd like to see if we can work through this."
- Have a heart-to-heart discussion about what needs to happen in the marriage for it to continue. If both of you are on board, you might give it some time to see if you can improve things and avoid divorce.
- Plan a private discussion when you're both calm. Tell your spouse you need to have a serious talk. Ask them when the best time would be to sit down and talk. Choose a time when you are both sober, calm, and alert.[7]
- Get out of earshot of your kids and remove any distractions like cell phones or TV.
- If there are safety concerns, have this conversation in a public place.
- Be tactful but direct. Tell your spouse your decision is certain in concise terms. If you're sure about the decision, you don't want to come off as tentative or open to negotiation.[8]
- Say something like, "I have some really upsetting news to share...I have decided that our marriage is over. I have tried to forgive your indiscretions, but our trust has been irreparably broken."
- Use "I" statements to avoid blame. Be sure to stay away from "you" statements that point the finger. These statements may incite anger in your spouse and make the divorce process more stressful than it has to be.[9]
- For example, don't say, "You cheated!" or "All you do is work." Instead, simply say, "I feel like we have different values now. It's not working for me anymore."
- Hear your spouse out. Certainly, your spouse will have some remarks, so listen actively to what they have to say. Don't interrupt or try to defend yourself. Simply let them talk. [10]
- Try to make your spouse feel understood by summing up what they said after they're finished talking.
- You might also restate your choice after they've finished talking to let them know that your mind is made up.
- Steer clear of fault-finding or arguing. If your spouse begins to place blame or start playing the "you did this, you did that" game, end the conversation. You've made up your mind and getting into the technicalities will only make the process harder.[11]
- Say, "I've told you my decision and I've heard you out. I don't want to argue with you or point fingers, so I'm going to leave now."
- Delay talking about logistics. Although you might be desperate to find out what the next few weeks will look like, put off an immediate discussion about the future or any logistical details. This conversation is tense and emotional—it's unlikely you'll come to an agreement on anything right now.[12]
- Putting off such a conversation also protects either of you from agreeing to something that you later regret.
- Take some time to process your emotions before coming back together to discuss what will happen next.
EditHandling Consequences - Have a discussion with your children. After talking with your spouse, you'll need to break the news to your kids. If you and your spouse are in agreement that your marriage is over, talk to the kids together. If not, you can do it alone—just be courteous and give your spouse a head's up first.[13]
- Stick to the basics during this initial conversation, but give your children enough info to help them understand what's next.
- For instance, you might say, "Kids, your mom and I have chosen to live separately. We're still working out the details, but we plan to keep your lives as normal as possible. You will continue to live here and go to the same schools."
- Try to give your kids a few weeks notice before initiating any changes, so that they can adjust to the idea before their lives are upturned.
- Move out if necessary. If you will be leaving the marital home, make plans to find a new place of your own. Managing a household and finances can be a struggle for some people after divorce, so be sure to make wise choices. This may involve living with family or friends for a time, or selecting a home that's significantly lower than your usual standards.[14]
- Turn to your social network as well as a financial advisor for guidance and help with this matter.
- Be sure to consider your children when choosing a new place. For instance, you may choose to live nearer to them if you don't have full custody. You may also prepare spaces for them when they come to visit.
- Seek out social support. Going through a divorce— even one you initiated— can be incredibly upsetting. Surround yourself with helpful, supportive people who have your best interests at heart.[15]
- Spend time with people who make you feel hopeful and positive. If a person is overly critical or judgmental, steer clear for a while.
- Take care of your health and well-being. After a major life decision like asking for divorce, you may be overcome by powerful emotions that prompt you to make unhealthy decisions. Instead of using alcohol, drugs, or any other negative coping strategies, practice self-care.[16]
- Get at least 8 hours of rest each night, eat healthy foods, and schedule physical activity into every day.
- Focus on the future by establishing new routines and goals. Reinvent yourself during and after your divorce by easing into new roles, setting powerful goals, and pursuing new hobbies. Feeling purposeful during this time of transition can benefit your well-being and help you adjust more smoothly.[17]
- For example, you might get a new job, go back to school, move to a new city, or pick up an old passion such as painting or writing.
- A new routine helps you stay preoccupied and connects you with others who have the same interests.
- Don't waver back and forth. After breaking the news, you might feel regret or uncertainty. Try to remain steadfast with your decision. If you thoroughly considered everything in advance, there's no need to backtrack. Plus, changing your mind after having the talk is just confusing for everyone.[18]
EditProceeding Legally - Try a trial separation. If you're on the cusp of making the decision, but want to see if your marriage can be saved, a trial separation may be an option. Such an arrangement mimics an actual divorce—you and your spouse will work out a custody plan and even meet with lawyers, but the ultimate goal is to get back together.[19]
- A trial separation offers you and your spouse time and space to recognize some of the core issues affecting your marriage and work through them separately and together.
- Consult with a lawyer. Prepare for your divorce by speaking with a local divorce attorney. Bring important paperwork, such as a prenuptial agreement or records of your assets to the meeting.[20]
- You may not know exactly what to do or what you want from the divorce, and that's okay. This meeting is simply important to get the ball rolling and find out what options are available to you.
- Figure out what you want. Every divorce is different, so try not to get caught up in what others around you are suggesting you try to get out of the divorce. What's most important to you? Maybe that's getting full custody of your children, or the dog if you have one. Perhaps that's not having to split your retirement accounts.[21]
- Make a list of what you most want from the divorce and make that your priority. This can reduce tension by helping you avoid fighting with your spouse over things that aren't even important to you.
- You might also count on your lawyer's counsel to help you determine what you want out of the divorce.
- See a mediator to help you come up with an agreement. You may not require a lawyer if you and your spouse are mostly agreeable on the divorce. In such cases, you may be able to meet with a third-party mediator who can assist you in making decisions. [22]
- A mediator can help you decide how to split property, work out a custody arrangement, and decide how to handle pets or other unique issues.
- Mediation can be less tense than battling it out in the courtroom. However, mediation may only be beneficial for those who are relatively savvy about their finances and who can come to agreement with their spouse.
- File the paperwork. Once you and your spouse have reached an agreement on what each of you wants from the split, go ahead and file for divorce. Depending on the state you live in and your circumstances (such as having kids), you may have to live apart for a certain period of time before a divorce is granted.
- Remain calm and civil with your spouse throughout the proceedings. Put aside the emotions you feel to help the divorce happen more amicably and with less stress on yourselves and your kids. When you become angry, try counting to 10 silently and doing deep breathing.[23]
- Reacting with contempt and destroying your spouse's possessions or arguing during court hearings can actually hurt your case.
- If you have kids, behaving maturely and without strong emotion can help everyone transition through this time more easily. Plus, you'll have to get used to interacting with your spouse since the two of you will be co-parenting.
EditRelated wikiHows EditSources and Citations __
Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
|
| How to Promote Your Twitch Stream Posted: 15 Apr 2018 05:00 PM PDT Streaming on Twitch for hours and only having a couple viewers show up can be frustrating. Fortunately, by promoting your stream and adjusting your streaming strategy, you can attract more audience members and grow your following. EditIn a Hurry? To promote your Twitch stream, make social media accounts and post links to your stream so viewers can find you. You can also advertise your stream by posting comments about it in online gaming forums. To attract more viewers, try to stream as much as possible and make sure you're sticking to a consistent schedule. Consider hosting occasional giveaways, which will encourage viewers to subscribe to your stream. For more tips, like how to brand yourself to get more viewers, keep reading! EditPromoting Outside of Twitch - Set up social media accounts for your stream to promote yourself on. Make Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram accounts that are dedicated to your stream. Then, post on them whenever you're going live on Twitch so people know to watch you. You can also use your social media accounts to interact with your audience and fill them in on any important stream-related updates.[1]
- For example, you could post something like "Going live later at 5 PM EST. Streaming Hearthstone @ twitch.tv/(NameOfChannel)."
- Don't forget to include your timezone so viewers know exactly when to tune in.
- Include links to all your social media accounts somewhere on each account so people can find you across multiple platforms.
- Promote your stream in online gaming forums. Look for active gaming forums and post a comment that includes a link to your stream, the name of the game or activity you're streaming, and what time your stream is at. Forums are a great way to find like-minded individuals that might be interested in tuning into your stream.
- For example, you could post "Hey everyone, I stream League of Legends every weeknight at 6 PM PST. Check it out at twitch.tv/(NameOfChannel)."
- Try to find forums that are dedicated to the particular game or activity you're going to be streaming. For example, if you're going to stream yourself playing Overwatch, post about your stream in Overwatch forums.
- Avoid posting in the same forum more than once in a day so people don't think you're a spammer.
- Ask your network of friends to help you promote your stream. If you have friends that are gamers or avid Twitch users, see if they'll share your stream with people they know. Offer to post a link to their Twitch stream on your social media accounts if they do the same for you. Over time, as your Twitch following grows, you can help each other out by promoting each other to your subscribers.[2]
- Network with other Twitch streamers at a convention. Attending a Twitch convention and meeting other streamers is a great way to get your name out there. You'll also be able to sit in on sessions that are designed to help streamers grow their audience and be more successful. Bring business cards with your streaming information on them so you can hand them out to people you meet at the convention.[3]
- TwitchCon is an annual Twitch convention that attracts streamers and viewers from around the world. You can find out more about TwitchCon at https://www.twitchcon.com/.
- To find smaller Twitch conventions and meet-ups in your area, search online for "Denver Twitch conventions" or "New York City Twitch meet-ups."
EditAttracting an Audience - Stick to a regular streaming schedule so viewers know when to tune in. If you're always streaming at different hours and on random days of the week, people won't know when to watch you, which means your viewership will be low. With a regular schedule, both old and new audience members will know exactly when you'll be on, meaning more people will tune in at once for your streams.[4]
- For example, you could make it a goal to stream every weeknight at 8:00 PM.
- Once you choose a schedule, post it somewhere on your social media accounts so viewers can find it.
- Don't forget to include your timezone — potential viewers live all around the world.
- Stream as much as possible to increase your exposure to viewers. The more you stream, the more chances there are for viewers to find you. The more viewers that find you, the more likely you are to get new subscribers![5]
- If you're currently streaming 4 days out of the week, go up to 5 or 6 days and see if that helps you build your audience.
- Don't feel like you need to stream every day of the week — taking a day or 2 off will prevent you from getting burned out.
- Brand yourself so your stream is more memorable. Your brand can be something simple, like a funny mascot or a catchphrase you always say during your stream. It doesn't need to be complex, just recognizable. Viewers will be more likely to come back if you give them something familiar that they can look forward to when they watch your stream.[6]
- For example, you could always tell jokes about the game you're streaming. Eventually, people will tune into your channel when they're looking to laugh. Humor will be part of your brand.
- Include your brand in your social media accounts. For example, if your pet lizard is your stream's official mascot, put up pictures of it on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
- Host giveaways on your stream to encourage new subscribers. Offer viewers a chance to win some money or a gift card in return for subscribing to your stream or sharing your stream on social media. There are lots of different Twitch bots you can use to help you set up and run giveaways.[7]
- For example, you could give away a new game that just came out to a random subscriber.
- You could also host a cash giveaway where people can earn extra entries in the giveaway by sharing your stream on social media.
- Try hosting themed-streams to attract more viewers. A themed-stream is a special stream that's based on a fun concept or theme. Themed-streams will encourage viewers to tune in, and they can make your stream more memorable.[8]
- For example, you could host a themed-stream where you stream for 24 hours straight without stopping.
- You could try a themed-stream where you stream yourself teaching someone how to play video games that has never played before.
EditInteracting with Your Audience - Respond to viewers over the chat on your stream. Talking to your viewers over chat shows that you appreciate them tuning in. By making a connection with your viewers, you'll be more likely to get new subscribers.[9]
- Take a break from your game once in a while to check for new comments on the chat.
- Make an effort to respond to questions that viewers ask you.
- Thank your viewers for subscribing, donating, and entering giveaways. Thanking your viewers by name will make them feel special and appreciated. It's also a great way to encourage other viewers to subscribe, donate, or join your giveaways too.[10]
- Use a microphone so you can talk directly to your viewers. With a microphone, you can explain what's going on in your stream, answer questions from viewers, and easily communicate your thoughts. A microphone will also help your personality shine through, making people more likely to subscribe.[11]
- Don't feel like you need to talk constantly if you have a microphone. Just speak conversationally to your viewers and share any relevant thoughts you have as they come to you.
- Use host mode to engage your viewers when you're offline. Host mode is a feature on Twitch that lets you stream someone else's stream when you're not online. You can use host mode to network with other streamers and to keep your subscribers entertained while you're away.[12]
- When you're using host mode, stream things you know your audience will like. For example, if your viewers always tune in to watch you play Fortnite, you could host another streamer that's playing Fortnite or a similar game.
EditSources and Citations
Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
|
| How to Hang Floating Shelves Posted: 15 Apr 2018 09:00 AM PDT There are several ways to hang your floating shelves using different types of hardware. You can choose to use brackets specifically designed for floating shelves, making them invisible to the eye. You can also build your own hollow shelf and then slide it right on to a wooden cleat. Lastly, there's the option of using figure-eight fasteners to hold your shelf up on the wall. EditUsing Floating Shelf Brackets - Use a stud finder to find the studs in the wall. The best way to do this is to use a stud finder, sliding it along the wall horizontally until the stud finder indicates where the stud is. Once you've located the studs, use a pencil to mark where they are.[1]
- You can also try to find the studs by looking for small dimples in the trim or knocking on the wall and listening for a solid sound instead of a hollow one.
- Use a drill to drill into the stud where you'd like to hang your shelf. To create the first hole for your special bracket, use a drill bit to get started. Once you've created a small hole, switch to a bit and drill a hole for the bracket, making sure not to drill too deep.[2]
- You can measure the bracket's length and then use a piece of tape to mark the drill bit so that you don't drill too far in.
- Secure the bracket in the hole. Place the bracket in the hole, turning it until you feel a slight resistance. Keep turning the bracket until it feels tightly secured.[3]
- If you're twisting the bracket and aren't feeling any resistance, pull it back out. Twist the end that goes into the shelf clockwise so the bracket expands.
- Use a level to place the second bracket. To make sure your shelf is even and steady, use a level and the stud finder to decide where to place the other bracket that will hold up your shelf. Use a pencil to mark where the second bracket will go.[4]
- Make sure the distance between the 2 brackets isn't longer than the length of your shelf.
- Install the second bracket using a drill and secure it tightly. Follow the same process of drilling a hole into a stud using the drill bits. Place the bracket into the second hole, twisting it until it's tightly secured.[5]
- Remember not to drill too deeply when making the hole for the bracket.
- It's a good idea to use the level again once you've placed the second bracket, just to make sure the 2 brackets create a level surface.
- If the brackets aren't level, you'll need to remove 1 from the wall and realign it.
- Measure the distance between the 2 brackets carefully. Use a ruler to measure the distance from 1 bracket to the next so that you'll know where to drill the holes in your shelf. You need this measurement to be exact, so take the time to measure it 2 or 3 extra times. Write down the measurement so that you don't forget it.[6]
- Drill the bracket holes into your shelf. Use your bracket measurements to draw dots on the back of your shelf where the holes will go using a pencil. Make sure the holes are straight and level with each other. Carefully drill the 2 holes into the wood — use a drill press to create the holes, if possible.[7]
- If you don't have a drill press, you can create a jig to hold the wood. Keep your wood from moving by putting pieces of wood on either side of it with a thin slab nailed on top.
- Mark the depth with tape to ensure you're not drilling too far.
- Measure your shelf to make sure it's the right thickness and depth for the brackets you chose. The specifications for the brackets should be labeled on the package they come in.
- Slide the shelf onto the brackets. Clear out any dust from the holes in the shelf and slide it onto the brackets installed in the wall. You should have a nice, clean fit. Use a level to check to make sure the shelf is even.[8]
EditInstalling Cleats - Build your own floating shelves so that they're hollow. There are a couple of ways to do this, but the easiest way is to use plywood and nails to create a hollow shelf. You would ultimately have 5 sides, with the back of the shelf being open.[9]
- You want your shelf to slide onto a cleat, which is why the shelf won't have a back.
- Decide where to install the cleat by locating the studs. Use a stud finder to figure out where your wall studs are, and then mark where you'd like to install the cleat to hold your shelf.[10]
- Try to hit at least 2 wall studs per shelf for the best stability.
- Cut a 2x2 piece of wood long enough to fit inside your floating shelves. This section of wood will be what the open back part of your shelf slides onto to keep it on the wall. Measure the piece of wood to ensure it fits inside the length of the shelf before using a saw to cut it.[11]
- You can also take the piece of wood to a home improvement store to have them cut it for you.
- Use screws to secure the cleat to the wall. Attach the cleat to the wall using screws. Use 2-3 screws, depending on the length of your shelf.[12]
- Try to install the screws into the studs, or use heavy anchor fasteners.
- Check to make sure the shelf is even before tightening the screws. Use a level to see that both screws create an even surface. Tighten the screws to ensure the cleat is safely attached.[13]
- Add an additional 2x2 section of wood for wide shelves, if desired. If the shelf you're installing is very wide, you might want your cleat to stick out a bit more. Attach another 2x2 piece of wood of the exact same length on top of the first one using screws. This will give your cleat more depth.[14]
- Push the shelf onto the cleat. Center your shelf on the cleat and push it back against the wall into place. Your cleat should fit in your hollow shelf snugly.[15]
- If your shelf isn't super snug or feels a bit loose, try adding an additional 2x2 piece of wood for better security.
- Secure the shelf to the cleat with nails or screws. As an additional precaution, you can hammer in some nails to make sure your shelf doesn't move from the cleat. Pick a place that won't be seen easily, like the very top of your shelf if it's placed up high, or the bottom of the shelf if it's placed low.[16]
EditPlacing Figure-Eights - Locate the studs in the wall. You'll need to find out where the studs are in the wall so that you can drill into them. Using a stud finder is the easiest way of figuring out where the studs are, but there are also other ways of finding a stud.[17]
- If you can't find the studs or don't think they'll be usable for your shelf, use hollow-wall anchors which can be found at a home improvement store.
- Measure how far apart the studs in the wall are. This will help you decide how far apart to install your figure-eight fasteners from one another. Use a ruler or measuring tape to get the exact distance, making sure to write the measurement down so that you don't forget it.[18]
- Measure and mark where to install the figure-eights in the shelf. Decide where you'd like to drill the figure-eights into the back of the shelf. You should use at least 2 figure-eights for the best stability, and make sure to spread them evenly using a ruler. Use a pen or pencil to mark where the holes will go.[19]
- Trace the figure-eight fastener as it will be when it's attached to the shelf using a pencil or pen if you're planning on chiseling into the shelf so that the fastener sits flat.
- Use a drill and chisel to create a recess in the shelf, if desired. Drill a shallow hole into the shelf where the figure-eight will go. Use a chisel to carefully carve out the space where the figure-eight will sit. This should allow the fastener to lay flush against the shelf.[20]
- Don't drill too deeply — the hole is simply to help you begin chiseling.
- Attach the figure-eight fastener to the shelf with a screw. Place the figure-eight fastener into the recess, if you created one. Screw the bottom of the figure-eight fastener into the shelf using a screw. Make sure it's nice and tight.[21]
- Draw a thin, light line on the wall to show you where to hang the shelf. Decide where you'd like to hang the shelf and use a level to draw a horizontal, even line where the shelf will go. This will make it easier when you go to drill in the top halves of the fasteners.[22]
- Use a pencil when drawing the line so that you can erase it easily afterwards if necessary.
- Line your shelf up with the line you drew. Pick up the shelf with the fasteners attached and line it up on the wall. If you want the line to stay invisible, place the top of the shelf on the line. Use the drawn line to help you ensure the shelf stays even.[23]
- You can have someone hold the shelf for you while you use a level to double-check the evenness, if desired.
- Insert the screws into the figure-eight fasteners. Place the screws into the fasteners. Use a drill or a screwdriver to attach the top of the figure-eights into the wall. Either screw them into the studs or into hollow-wall anchors.[24]
- Be aware that the top of the fastener will be visible once you hang the shelf.
- Use extra caution when using heavy machinery and make sure to wear proper safety protection.
- Ask a friend for help when using intense tools, or if you're unsure whether completing a task by yourself would be safe.
EditSources and Citations
Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
|
Nenhum comentário:
Postar um comentário