| How to Kiss in a Car Posted: 11 Feb 2019 12:00 AM PST Whether you're hoping for a first kiss after a fun date or are trying to find a private make-out spot away from parents or roommates, a car can be an ideal place for smooching. Flirt with your partner to build anticipation for a first kiss, or find a more secluded spot and rearrange your car seats for a more intense make-out session. Don't forget to make sure your car is clean and inviting before you go in for the kiss. Get rid of any trash or eyesores and put on some fun music to create a comfortable, relaxed atmosphere. EditGoing in for a First Kiss - Flirt with your partner to see if they're on the same page as you. Start by joking around or gently flirting with your partner, in order to build the mood. Hinting at your interest in them gives them a chance to respond in kind if they reciprocate your feelings, and helps you gauge their interest in kissing you.[1]
- Make eye contact with your partner whenever the car comes to a stop, and once you park turn your whole body towards them to show you're listening and interested.[2]
- Ask your partner questions. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, and trying to learn more about your partner's life, hobbies, or thoughts signals that you're interested.[3]
- Try telling your partner something positive about themselves or about the time you just shared together, such as "I really had a good time with you tonight, and I'd be interested in hanging out with you again!" If they respond positively and echo your feelings - for example, if they tell you that they want to meet up again - this may be a good sign that they're on the same page.[4]
- Look for positive body language. If your partner seems relaxed, is leaning towards you, and is making eye contact, this might be a sign that they're interested. Watch for negative signals as well, such as your partner crossing their arms, fidgeting, or checking the clock. If you notice these signs, don't pursue a kiss — it's probably best to wait for a better time or place, or to accept that they're just not interested in you.[5]
- See if your date is facing you with an open and relaxed posture. This can be a good sign that they feel comfortable with you.
- Touch your partner's arm or hand in a light, playful way. Initiating physical touch with your partner helps remove barriers between the two of you, allows you to gauge their interest, and may help both of you feel more comfortable. Keep things non-sexual to make sure your touch is not coming across as creepy and unwelcome.[6]
- Examples of light, non-sexual touch include tapping your partner on the shoulder to get their attention, touching their arm while you're talking to them, or placing your hand right next to theirs. Touching your partner anywhere else might be seen as more sexual, and could make them uncomfortable.
- Make sure both your seatbelts are unbuckled. You don't want to make your move, only to discover one or both of you is restrained! After you park your car, immediately remove your seatbelt. Hopefully, your partner will follow your lead, but if not, wait to make your move until they've unbuckled. [7]
- Ask for a kiss verbally if you're feeling brave. Some people think it's polite to ask verbally, and your partner might appreciate you being direct. Tell your partner that you're interested in them, or that you had a nice time with them, and then ask, "would you be comfortable with a kiss?" or "is it okay if I kiss you?" [8]
- Don't try to kiss someone out of the blue, with no warning — you should try to build towards the moment gradually.
- Ask for a kiss using body language. Signal your intentions by escalating your touch, such as putting your arm around their shoulder or giving them a hug, followed by a kiss on the cheek or forehead. If this is well reciprocated, you can try giving your partner a kiss on the lips.[9]
- If you aren't getting verbal consent from your partner, you need to be extra cautious that you're reading your partner's body language correctly — signs that your partner wants to continue include smiling, leaning towards you, and touching you back in the same way you're touching them.[10]
- If your partner says no or appears uninterested, respect their wishes. Pushing too hard or too fast might make your partner uncomfortable, might make you seem creepy, and may ruin any chance you have with them.
- Lean in for a kiss. Face your partner, pucker your mouth a little and plant a kiss on your partner's lips. Don't open your mouth until after your lips are already touching![11]
- Rest one hand on your lap or to the side and gently touch your partner on their cheek or hair with the other.[12]
- Follow your partner's lead. If they're keeping things light and slow, it's best to do the same. Don't try to push to go too fast — savor the moment, and continually try to read your partner's body language to make sure they're feeling comfortable and relaxed. Also, remember that you can stop anytime you want, even if you're the one who initiated the kiss. Don't feel pressured to go further than what you're comfortable with. [13]
EditInitiating an Intense Make-Out Session - Check that your partner is comfortable with what you have in mind. The easiest way to see if your partner is on the same page is to ask first! You need to check both that your partner is interested in getting more physical with you, and that they're comfortable with doing so in a car in a potentially more hidden area.
- You should definitely have had some sort of basic physical contact, such as light kissing or hand-holding, before initiating a make-out session.[14]
- You can see how your partner feels about getting more physical by saying something like, "I would love to find a more private place to kiss you. Would you like that?"[15]
- Tell your partner where you're planning on taking them before you drive to a more remote area. It may be tempting to keep it a surprise in order to make it feel more romantic, but you may end up killing the mood instead, as some people may be worried for their safety if you unexpectedly drive to an area where no one else can see you.
- Make sure you're parked in a secluded area. If it's dark outside, turn your headlights off to make you and your partner less noticeable. Double-check that both your partner as well as anyone else who may see you will not feel uncomfortable. Some people don't like public displays of affection, and your partner may not want to kiss you where other people could see.[16]
- Kissing in public is not against the law in most places, but if you want to escalate things beyond kissing, you may need to move to a more private spot indoors. If an act is illegal in public, then it's illegal to do in a car that's parked in a public spot.[17]
- Build up the mood by flirting with your partner. Try giving them compliments, like "you look so cute right now!" Keep the mood light and don't try to push things forward too quickly. Initiate light physical touch, such as putting your hand on your partner's knee, if your partner is clearly engaged in the conversation and is reciprocating your touches.[18]
- Try to build towards a moment where you are locking eyes with your partner, as this is usually when a kiss happens. But be careful not to stare intensely at your partner, as this can be seen as creepy![19]
- Initiate light kissing, and build from there. Wait for a moment where your partner is looking into your eyes, and lean over and kiss them on the lips. Start slowly, by keeping the kiss light, touching safe areas like their face or shoulder, and changing positions slowly. Build the kiss gradually by slowly escalating your touches and only proceeding if your partner is enthusiastically responding.[20]
- Keep the kiss interesting by occasionally breaking apart to look into your partner's eyes or ask them if they like what you're doing. Every once in a while, move your hands to a new location, such as their hair, neck, hands, or leg.[21]
- Adjust your car seats if the kiss continues to escalate. You may need to ask your partner to hold on for a second, and make some minor adjustments or ask them if they're interested in moving to the back seat.
- Slide your seats backwards and tilt the seats back if you're in the front seat. If you're in a vehicle with a bench seat, you may be able to just tilt the seats back and then lie down across the seat. If there is a gearshift in between the two front seats, and you don't want to lean over it, it may help for both of you to move over to the passenger seat, where there's no steering wheel or pedals to get in the way.
- Move the front seats forward if you're going to hop in the back of the car. Try to make as much room as possible for you and your partner by sliding the seats up and flattening the backseat down into the trunk, if possible.[22]
- Check in with your partner frequently to make sure they're feeling comfortable. It can be hard to get physically comfortable when making out in a car, and you may have to adjust frequently. Furthermore, you should make sure your partner is feeling good about how far and how fast things are progressing.[23]
- Get verbal consent by telling your partner what you want to do before you do it. For example, as you're kissing, tell your partner something like, "I'm going to slide my hand under your shirt," and wait for them to tell you yes or give you a non-verbal sign, like kissing you more enthusiastically.[24]
- Pay attention to your partner's body language. Anytime you escalate your physical touch, read your partner's reaction. If they lean in closer, or touch you back in the same way, that's a good sign that they like what you are doing. If your partner moves backwards, stops what they're doing, or doesn't give you much of a response back, then pull back, as these are all physical ways of giving someone a "no."[25]
EditSetting the Mood in Your Car - Get rid of any smelly, dirty, or unpleasant-looking mood killers. Make sure the seats where you and your partner will be sitting are clean and clutter-free. Remove food wrappers, trash, worn clothes, or anything else that might smell bad.
- Run a vacuum over the seats if they're dirty. Most car washes and some gas stations have vacuum cleaners you can use on your car.
- If you're worried about smells, hang up an air freshener or spritz some odor-eliminating spray in your car.
- Wipe down the dashboard and door handles by the passenger seat, and remove any trash or clutter that might be sitting in compartments in the side door.
- Adjust the temperature of your car to make sure your partner is comfortable. Try to pay attention to whether they seem like they're too hot or too cold. If you're not sure, just ask! Remember not to run your battery down if you plan to be there for a while.
- If you want to cool down the car, ask your partner whether they prefer the windows or air conditioning, as some people might prefer fresh air, while others might not like too much wind from outside.
- Put on relaxing music to set the mood. Playing fun, lighthearted, or sexy music can help your partner feel more comfortable and can make any silences less awkward. If you happen to know your partner's favorite band or genre, put that on to help them feel even more relaxed.[26]
- Find a scenic or secluded place to park the car. Drive to your favorite nearby spot, or suggest your partner take you to a place with a view. At the very least, find somewhere that's slightly hidden.[27]
- If you live in an area that's not too flat, try to find a hill or other spot with a scenic overlook. You could also try driving to a nearby park and finding a place that's a bit more hidden by trees.
- Don't park under a streetlamp, or in your partner's brightly-lit driveway where parents might see.
- Make sure you're allowed to be parked in your spot. For example, a lot of parks close at sunset and you could get in trouble for trespassing if you park your car there.[28]
- If you want to really make a good impression, take your car through a car wash before picking up your partner.
- Turn your car off before starting to kiss someone. If you lose track of time and have a long make-out session, you may end up running down your car battery!
- Keep some gum in your car for yourself or to offer your partner, in case either of you is worried about bad breath.
- You have less room to move around in a car, which can sometimes make kissing awkward. Consider opening your partner's car door for them or walking your partner to the door of their house if you'd rather share a kiss while directly facing each other.
EditSources and Citations
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| How to Feel Better After a Breakup Posted: 10 Feb 2019 04:00 PM PST Breakups are hard, and after a breakup you might feel like you will never be happy again. These feelings are common and completely normal, but this is simply not true. You will feel better with time. However, if you are looking for ways to feel better now, there are several things you can do to work through your emotions, boost your mood, and move forward in your life. EditProcessing Your Feelings After a Breakup - Give yourself time to grieve and work through your emotions. Don't force yourself to move on if you don't feel ready. It is perfectly fine to take your time and allow yourself to feel bad for a while. It may only take you a couple of weeks to feel better or you may need months or longer to work through your emotions. Don't rush it![1]
- The longer the relationship was, the longer it may take to work through your emotions. For example, you will likely recover from a 2 month relationship much quicker than a 2 year relationship.
- Accept your feelings as a normal part of the process. After a breakup, you will likely go through a gambit of emotions, such as sadness, anger, and anxiety. While it may seem like you will never feel better, these feelings are temporary and they will pass. Remind yourself of this any time you start to feel overwhelmed or hopeless.[2]
- Try saying or writing something like, "I am angry that my relationship ended, and that is totally normal. Everyone who has been through a breakup has experienced something similar. They survived and so will I."
- Acknowledge and react to your feelings. Name the feeling, accept it, and let the feelings take over for a little while. Take a moment to say to yourself, "I feel sad right now," and then allow yourself to feel sad. This is a great way to work through your feelings. Do what feels natural to you in these moments, such as crying, writing about how you feel, or talking about your feelings with someone you trust.[3]
- Try writing in a journal as a way to acknowledge and express your feelings. Spend 15 minutes or longer daily writing about your feelings.
- If you wish you could speak directly to your ex, then write them letter that you don't send. Say everything you want to say to them, and then tear up the letter and throw it away.
- Keep in mind that even if you deny how you feel, you will still feel that way. It is better to acknowledge what you are feeling, and then let the feelings wash over you like a wave. This may be intense for a few minutes, but you will likely feel better afterwards.
- Talk to people you trust about what you are going through. Sharing with a close friend, loved one, or someone else who you trust is an excellent way to vent and work through your emotions. You may even look into a support group or therapist if you are struggling to feel better.[4]
- If you don't have a close friend or family member to talk to, reach out to an acquaintance. Ask the coworker or classmate that you have chatted with a few times if they would like to join you for lunch. You can begin a friendship by opening up to someone new.[5]
- Take a break from work or other responsibilities if possible. If you were in a serious, long-term, relationship, the end of that relationship can be a devastating blow. You may not be able to perform your usual work responsibilities as efficiently as you normally would, so taking a break from work may be necessary. If you feel comfortable, talk to your supervisor about what you are going through. Otherwise, look into sick time or vacation time that you may be able to use.[6]
- If you are in high school or college, consider telling your teacher what you are going through. Keep in mind that you will still need to submit the required work, but your teacher may be willing to give you an extension if you have fallen behind.
EditMaking Lifestyle Changes to Improve Your Mental State - Exercise for 30 minutes daily. Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, which are feel-good hormones. By getting regular exercise, you can help yourself to feel better on a daily basis. Start slow if you have not exercised in a while, such as by going for a walk around your neighborhood, swimming, or riding a bike on flat terrain.[7]
- Find a type of exercise that you enjoy to make it easier to stick with it. Try dancing, kickboxing, or spinning for some fun class options.
- You can find lots of free workout videos on Youtube. Check out fitness channels with workouts that are at your physical fitness level, such as beginner if you are new to exercise or advanced if you are an exercise enthusiast.
- Nourish your body with healthy foods and beverages. The old trope of eating a pint of full-fat ice cream after a breakup exists for a reason. People tend to reach for junk food as a quick distraction from negative emotions. However, this will make you feel worse in the long run. Instead of reaching for junk, eat whole foods that will nourish your body, such as fruits, veggies, lean proteins, and whole grains. Drink lots of water, too![8]
- Avoid drinking alcohol, using drugs and smoking. These will only produce a temporary change in your emotional state. You will feel much worse after the substance wears off.
- Get plenty of rest to feel alert during the day. Being well-rested will help to make you feel better overall as you go through your day. Aim for 7 to 9 hours of sleep every night. If you have a habit of staying up late, start turning in 30 to 60 minutes earlier than usual to ensure that you are getting enough sleep.[9]
- Make sure that your bedroom is a relaxing place that you only use for sleep! Invest in some nice sheets and blankets to make your bed feel cozy. Block out outside noise with a fan or white noise machine. Make your bedroom dark and cool to promote deep sleep.
- Use relaxation techniques to help yourself feel calmer and happier. Relaxation techniques can also help to improve your mood and promote a higher quality of life. Devote at least 15 minutes daily to relaxation. Some techniques you might try include:[10]
EditUsing Fun Activities to Boost Your Mood - Work on your favorite hobby or learn something new. Doing something you love or finding a new favorite hobby is a great way to get your mind off of your breakup and start feeling happier. Whether you like to read, cook, sew, dance, or paint miniatures, take some time out for yourself every day to engage in this hobby. If you don't have a hobby, then look into something that you can learn how to do and get into right away. Some great options include:[11]
- Watch or listen to something funny to make yourself laugh. Even if laughing is the furthest thing from your mind, watching something funny or listening to a comedy podcast can help you to laugh a little and feel a little better as a result. Turn on a favorite comedy movie or show, watch some standup, or download a comedy podcast and immerse yourself in it.[12]
- See what comedies are available to watch on Netflix or on another streaming service that you have.
- Check Youtube for short clips and full standup routines.
- Search for comedy podcasts online or ask friends for recommendations.
- Focus on other areas of your life to improve. While you may be tempted to dissect your relationship, try to revive it, or seek out a new relationship, now is a great time to focus on other areas of your life. Consider what you might do to improve your career or grades, physical fitness, spirituality, or other relationships, such as with your friends and family.[13]
- Meet with a supervisor or teacher and ask for feedback on your performance to find out what you can do to excel.
- Join a gym or get involved with an inter-mural sports team to develop your physical strength and endurance.
- Look into churches, meditation centers, or other spiritual resources in your community.
- Call up a friend or family member who you haven't seen in a while and invite them to coffee or lunch.
EditSources and Citations
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| How to Deal With a Crush Posted: 10 Feb 2019 08:00 AM PST Having a crush on someone is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. If you've got it bad for someone, first let yourself feel all the feelings. Then, if you don't want them to know you have a crush, try to act normal around them. Otherwise, turn your flirt on and make the first move. Fingers crossed they're crushing on you, too! But if they aren't, pick yourself up and remember that there are plenty of other crushes in your future. EditHandling Your Crush - Copy their body language if you want to show that you're interested. Mirroring is a popular body language technique where you imitate how the other person stands, moves, and talks. It "reflects" that you're in sync with them. For example, if they're leaning in, lean in, too. And if they take a sip of their drink, well, you take a sip of yours. It's so subtle, they won't even realize what you're doing.[1]
- This works in conversation, too, with tone, pitch, and words. For example, if they're using a sarcastic tone, mimic that. And if they're speaking softly, lower your volume as well.
- Mirroring should be natural and understated. Don't copy every single thing they do. Just try to imitate their overall body language. Otherwise, if you move every time they move or obsess over it, they'll notice something is off.
- Act normal around them if you want to keep your crush a secret. No matter how much you might be freaking out on the inside, keep your actions calm and collected on the outside. That means talking at a normal pace and volume, remembering to breathe, and carrying a normal conversation. Just be yourself! For example, if you're typically pretty reserved or quiet, don't suddenly start chatting nervously nonstop. On the other hand, if you usually talk to your crush a lot, try not to get tongue-tied or silent around them.
- Avoid trying so hard to hide your feelings that you end up being mean or hurting your crush. For example, joking and teasing is okay if it's harmless, but don't say something like "Wow you look like you've gained a few!" if you know they're self-conscious about their weight.
- If you're struggling to act normal or if you get really nervous around them, try taking a few deep breaths to calm your nerves before you start talking. Focus on the sensation of the air flowing in and out of your nostrils.
- Give yourself some distance if you aren't able to hide your feelings. If you think you'll make it obvious that you have a crush, like by acting embarrassed or tripping over your words, it's best to spend less time around that person. Otherwise, they'll be able to detect your romantic feelings, which could make things awkward for you. For instance, don't go to the party they're hosting or change your normal hallway route so you don't run into them outside homeroom.[2]
- If you're in the same class or have another unavoidable activity together, you can still give yourself space. For example, sit at a different table or ask someone else to be your lab partner.
- Don't make it obvious that you're distancing yourself. For instance, if you see them walking towards you in the hall, don't dramatically run away. Instead, smile back politely and keep walking.
- Distract yourself by spending time doing things you love. The more time you spend sitting alone at home, the more time you'll obsess over your crush. Instead, find fun ways to fill your time and take your mind off your feelings. For example, make plans with different friends so your weekend is completely booked, or teach yourself a new hobby.[3]
- Not only will focusing on yourself make you stop thinking about them, it will also make you a more cultivated person in general. Win-win!
- If you still find yourself checking your phone while you're with your friends or doing another activity, try putting your phone on "Do Not Disturb" mode so you won't get notified if they text you, or unfollow or mute them on social media.
EditDealing with Your Feelings - Journal about what you're feeling if you aren't ready to talk about it. Maybe you don't want to tell anyone about your crush, but you also don't want to keep everything bottled up inside. Instead, write down your emotions in a journal. For example, note what you like about your crush, how they make you feel, what you wish would happen, etc.[4]
- Remember that your journal is for your eyes only, so don't hold back! Let your thoughts flow freely and write whatever comes to mind.
- You can also type out your thoughts in a Microsoft Word document on your laptop or in the Notes app on your phone if you'd like.
- Journal as often as you want to or need to. You can set aside time every day to do it, or simply write when the inspiration strikes. For instance, you might just journal after you have a run-in with your crush.
- Tell your friend about your secret crush if you feel comfortable. If you just have to talk to someone how you're feeling, but you don't want to tell your crush, open up to a friend who you trust. Remind them that they cannot tell anyone else, and that whatever you say has to stay between the 2 of you. Then, let the gushing begin![5]
- For example, start the conversation with something like, "I have something important I want to tell you but you have to promise not to tell anyone, not even our other friends, okay? It's really personal."
- Pick a private place, like in your bedroom or in the car, to have these conversations. You don't want anyone to overhear who isn't supposed to.
- Don't tell your friends about your crush if you don't trust them or if they have a reputation for being unable to keep things to themselves. Choose wisely who you tell.
- If you're worried about your friends accidentally spilling your secret, talk about your crush to your parents or older siblings instead. They can give you advice on how they've dealt with their own crushes, too.
- Enjoy the fun of having a crush by letting yourself fantasize sometimes. Crushing on someone isn't all bad. In fact, it can be super exciting! Allow yourself to feel those butterflies in your stomach and dream about the perfect date with your special someone. You can also embrace your new romantic side by listening to love songs, watching romantic movies, or reading sappy poetry, for example.[6]
- To prevent your crush fantasies from consuming your time and life, schedule time to think about your crush, as silly as it sounds. For example, set a timer for 20 minutes every night before bed. After those 20 minutes are up, turn your attention to something else.
- Come up with a list of their flaws to put things in perspective. When you have a crush, you tend to start thinking of them as this perfect person, which makes your obsession even worse and it makes it hurt even more if they reject you. Brainstorm what isn't so great about them, like whether they aren't into horseback riding like you are or whether they dated your best friend last year. Write the list on a piece of paper or keep it on your phone, then look at it whenever you feel that you're getting carried away.
- The "flaws" can be whatever makes them less than your ideal person, no matter how picky or insignificant those characteristics seem. For example, maybe your crush is exactly your height, but you prefer someone taller than you.
EditMaking a Move - Ask plenty of open-ended questions to let them talk about themselves. Being able to keep the conversation going is important when you're flirting. And people love to talk about themselves. Let your crush do most of the talking by asking questions about what they did last weekend, who their favorite band is, or how they like to spend their free time. Focus on questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" so the conversation continues flowing.[7]
- Ask a question like, "If you could be an animal, what would you be?" instead of "Would you want to be a cat?" Or ask, "What do you think about the book we're reading in English?" instead of "Do you like the book?"
- Don't force questions into the conversation. Too many questions will feel more like an interview than flirting. Ask them whenever it feels natural and choose questions that follow the topic of conversation.
- If they say they love pizza, for example, ask something related like, "What are your favorite toppings?" instead of jumping to a random question like "What's your favorite song?"
- Drop subtle hints in conversation if you're too shy to ask them out. You're definitely not the one who's going to make the first move, and that's okay. Get them to do the asking by strategically including signs in your next conversation. If the 2 of you are talking about favorite movies and they mention one they're looking forward to seeing in theaters, say, "I can't wait to see that one, either!" or even, "I really want to see that but none of my friends will go with me." That leaves the perfect opening for them to ask if you want to go with them.
- Don't be discouraged if they don't pick up on your hints. That's the thing about being subtle: It doesn't always work.
- It works both ways, too. If you notice that they're dropping hints about hanging out, realize it might be a sign they want you to ask them out.
- Have a specific date, time, and place in mind before you ask them out. Don't say, "We should hang out sometime." It's vague and likely means it will never happen. Know exactly what you want to do and when so they can either say yes or no. For example, say, "Do you want to go to midnight bowling with me on Saturday night?" instead of "Maybe we can go bowling soon."[8]
- If they aren't free at the time that you suggested, offer another time. But if it seems like they're blowing you off, take the hint. For instance, if you ask to go bowling on Friday and they say they're busy, say "How about the following weekend?" If they're still busy say something like, "Okay, well just let me know the next time you're free!"
- Keep it casual by inviting them to a group outing or party. If you aren't ready for a one-on-one date or if you're not totally sure they're into you, ask them to hang out with you and your friends or go to the football game on Friday night with a bunch of people from English class. It takes some of the pressure off and gives them a chance to see you in your natural element, surrounded by your friends.[9]
- For example, if your friend is throwing a party, ask, "Hey, Sarah is having a pool party Saturday. Do you want to come?"
- The one downside of group outings is that you might not get much face time with your crush. Make it a point to pull them aside for a few minutes during the event, whether it's to go get drinks for everyone or to chat a little bit away from the group.
- Keep in mind that inviting someone to a party or hangout with a bunch of other people is very subtle. They may not get the hint that you're interested in them so increase your flirting during the event to make it clear.
- Ask them out with a grand gesture if you're feeling brave. With great risk comes great reward, even in the world of dating and crushes. If you're 99% sure they're into you or if you simply are ready to fully go for it, brainstorm an outside-of-the-box way to ask them on a date. Some examples include sending them flowers, writing "Will you go out with me?" in chalk on their driveway, or serenading them with a romantic song. It will definitely make you stand out and prove how much you like them.
- Get inspiration by looking up promposals online or searching the #promposal hashtag on Instagram. These tend to be very over-the-top. Adapt them to fit your style and preference.
- Be prepared that they might say no. If you're asking them out publicly, that could be humiliating for you.
EditCoping with Rejection - Remind yourself of what's important by using the 5-year rule. Ask yourself, "Will this matter in 5 years?" The answer should be no, if you're asking yourself whether a little crush will make that much of a difference in your life overall. While it might hurt now, remember that in the scheme of things, it's a very small blip. Even if you're convinced you just lost the love of your life, you have to accept that it's not meant to be. Ask instead, "What will matter in 5 years?" and focus on those things instead, like your education or career.[10]
- If you think the answer is that yes, your rejected crush will matter in 5 years, ask yourself why you feel that way. Is it because you think there's no one else out there for you? Challenge those thoughts by digging deeper and listing the reasons why your thinking is irrational.
- Write down positive affirmations and put them where you can see them. It's tough not to feel like your crush wasn't into you because you weren't good enough. Remind yourself of how awesome you really are by writing down uplifting sayings like "I believe in myself" or "I am enough" on sticky notes. Hang them in places you'll see every day like on your bathroom mirror or your closet door.[11]
- Change the background of your phone to be a positive quote image, too. Whenever you check the time or get a text message, you'll see it.
- Find positive affirmations with a quick Google search or browse inspirational boards on Pinterest. Make your own Pinterest board filled with quotes that you can refer to when you're feeling down.
- Surround yourself with the people who love you for you. It's healthy to take time for yourself and cry, but don't withdraw. Rely on the support of your friends and family to get you through your hurt. Spending time with people who value and appreciate you will not only make you feel better about yourself, it will distract you from the sting of your rejection.
- Say yes when your friends ask you to join them for a night out, even if it's the last thing you want to do, or call your mom just to talk when you're feeling lonely.
- If you're really struggling, ask your friends and family to write down some of their favorite things about you in a list and look at it whenever you need a confidence boost.
- Be careful you don't use socializing and activities to completely avoid your pain. Find a balance of social time and alone time.
- Get professional help if you can't move on after 4 to 6 weeks. While it's totally normal to be sad or hurt after you get rejected by someone, it is not normal if you feel depressed or if your emotions are preventing you from everyday life. Make an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist to work on healthy coping techniques and ways to challenge negative thoughts so you can move on.[12]
- A psychiatrist is able to prescribe medicine if you have a chemical imbalance like depression that can be treated medically.
- Find a therapist who's covered by your health plan by contacting your insurance provider. They'll give you a list of doctors who you can see and only be required to pay a small copay.
- If you're feeling suicidal, get help immediately. Call the emergency room or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.[13]
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