| How to Stop Dreaming About Someone Posted: 17 May 2019 01:00 AM PDT Sometimes, when you can't get someone off of your mind, they can even manage to find their way into your dreams. Trying to force yourself to stop thinking about the person doesn't do much good, since dreams just kind of happen on their own. It's better to find a way to refocus your thoughts just before you fall asleep, such as reading a book or meditating to empty your mind. If that doesn't work, you may need to find a way to come to terms with your relationship or past experiences with the person in question in order to oust them from your dreams once and for all. EditRefocusing Your Thoughts Before Bed - Keep yourself busy throughout the day. Make it a point to be more productive in the hours between waking up and going to bed. You might hit the gym, run all the little errands you've been putting off, or take some time to tidy up the house when you get home. Scientists believe that dreams are a way of processing daily experiences. The more you do during the course of the day, the more raw material you'll be giving your subconscious to build dreams of another kind.[1]
- Staying active and engaged can help fill your dreams with new events, images, and themes.
- You can't run from your dreams, no matter how much you take on. If you're chronically stressed or having difficulty juggling all of your various responsibilities, it probably means you're doing too much.
- Read a book before turning in for the night. Choose a title that you can fully invest yourself in for at least half an hour. Reading is a good way to take your mind off of the kind of thoughts you have in your waking life that might influence the content of your dreams. It essentially gives you something else to think about, which may keep you from fixating on the person who's been sneaking into your dreams.[2]
- An added benefit of reading is that it can help you get to sleep faster if you struggle with insomnia or restlessness.[3]
- Reading is preferable to watching TV or playing games on your phone, since the blue light emitted by digital screens can stimulate your brain and actually make it harder to fall asleep.
- Meditate for a few minutes to calm your mind. Take a comfortable seat on the floor, close your eyes, and relax your body as much as possible. Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose and out of your mouth, focusing on the repetition of your breath and the sensations of sitting. The longer you sit and breathe, the more unnecessary thoughts you'll feel melt away.[4]
- When you find your thoughts wandering to the person you've been dreaming about, gently steer them back towards the awareness of your body and breath.
- This style of meditation is often termed "mindfulness meditation." Many people find mindfulness meditation a useful practice for curbing overthinking, which can easily result in distressing dreams.
- Use sound to guide your dreams. As you're preparing to drift off, queue up some soft, soothing music or a recording of something you find comforting, such as a flowing stream or thunderstorm. White noise machines are another option that many people use to lull themselves to sleep gently. These sorts of audio cues may be enough to induce a more pleasant type of dream, one that doesn't feature the person you're trying to forget about.[5]
- Adjust the volume of whatever you're listening to so that's loud enough to hear but not so loud that it might make it hard to sleep or wake you up later.
- If you're not sure what to put on, give ASMR a shot. ASMR ("Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response") is a type of sound therapy that uses commonplace noises like tapping, scratching, and whispering to relieve stress and promote deep, peaceful sleep. There are plenty of ASMR recordings available for free on sites like YouTube.[6]
- Avoid putting on anything that might trigger a mental association with the person, like their favorite album or an ambient noise track that reminds you of a trip you once took together.
- Think about another person you have a special connection with. Studies show that one of the best ways to stop thinking about someone is to redirect your mental energy toward someone else who you feel strongly for. Recall fond memories of a partner, friend, or family member, or single out a few of their qualities that you love most. Concentrating on them could dislodge the presence of the other person in your mind as you prepare to dream.[7]
- Turning your thoughts to someone dear to you can help put you at ease anytime unwanted memories start to pop up, not just while you're trying to fall asleep.
- This kind of visualization also serves to strengthen bonds that are already in place, improving your associations of the person and reminding you of their importance in your life.
EditConfronting the Source of Recurring Dreams - Come to terms with any unresolved feelings you have for the person. If the object of your dreams is someone who's hurt or abandoned you, it's possible that their actions have left a lasting impression on your psyche. In this case, it will be necessary to make peace with their memory before they'll disappear from your dreams. Do your best to accept the experiences you've had with the person as part of your history and forgive them for whatever grief they've caused you.[8]
- Dreams that are sexual or romantic in nature could be a sign that you feel unfulfilled in your current relationship. Addressing these concerns could bring the dreams to a halt.[9]
- It's not uncommon or unhealthy to have dreams about a lost loved one—it's just part of the mourning process. These dreams will usually begin to occur less frequently as you heal.
- Work out your issues with the person directly if you think it may help. If you feel safe doing so, it might be a good idea to try talking to the person in real life about what they did and the effect it's had on you. See if they would be willing to sit down with you and let you get some things off your chest. A face-to-face discussion could offer you the closure you need to move on and put them behind you for good.[10]
- If you don't feel comfortable meeting in person, pick up the phone instead. A phone call can still give you the opportunity to hear and be heard in a more personal fashion.
- Having one last chance to talk things out can be especially helpful when you're going through a bad breakup or getting over an unhealthy relationship.[11]
- If you're unable or unwilling to communicate with the person any further, another option is to write them a letter saying all the things you want to tell them. Even if you never send it, getting your pent-up frustrations off your chest can bring you a feeling of immense relief.
- Analyze your dreams to better understand what's causing them. Rather than being a passive participant in your dreams, try becoming an impartial observer. Remind yourself that you're dreaming, then step back and watch what happens without letting yourself respond emotionally. When you wake up, come up with a theory about what you think the events of your dream might have meant, and be prepared to accept whatever answer you arrive at.[12]
- In order to become more engaged with your dreams, it may be necessary to experiment with lucid dreaming or similar techniques.
- If dissecting your dreams logically doesn't work, exercise some agency. Tell the person that you don't want to see them anymore, or even try taking some kind of metaphorical action, such as walking away or closing a door on them.[13]
- Some dreams are like knots waiting to be untied—once you pull the right thread, the thing that's been keeping you stuck may come apart.
- Consider seeing a psychologist if the dreams persist. If your dreams are getting to the point where they're becoming disruptive, you may feel powerless to put a stop to them on your own. A qualified counselor can help you work through difficult emotional issues and give you constructive exercises to transform the way you think. This in turn may transform the way you dream.[14]
- Look for a therapist who specializes in dream analysis or interpretation of unconscious thought patterns as part of their practice to make sure you're getting the help you need.
- The saying, "Time heals all wounds" may be a cliche, but that doesn't make it any less true. If nothing else is working, just give it time. Sooner or later, the complexion of your dreams will begin to change.
- While it's possible to influence your dreams to an extent in some cases, they're a more or less involuntary mental activity, which means there may not be anything you can do to completely control who or what appears in them.
EditReferences
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| How to Teach Good Behavior Without Harsh Discipline Posted: 16 May 2019 05:00 PM PDT Kids can be hard to handle sometimes. When a child acts out, you may be unsure how to handle it effectively. In most cases, you don't have to resort to punishment. Instead, talking to the child and setting positive expectations can make a big difference. EditCreating a Positive Environment - Tell the children you want to change your behavior (if applicable). If you feel that you used ineffective strategies before, it may be worth talking about it to the kids. This helps them recognize to expect you to behave differently. Apologizing for past misbehavior also sets a good example. Here are some things you could say if you feel you need to improve your discipline techniques:
- "I want to stop yelling at you. I think it's a bad habit of mine, and it's not very nice to you. I'm working on expressing my feelings more calmly. I don't ever want to be scary to you, and if I ever am scary, you can tell me and leave the room."
- "I know I used to spank you before. But I've done some research, and I realize now that hitting does not solve my problems. I do not want to hit you ever again."
- "In the past, when I've been upset with your behavior, I put you in time out. But I feel like that's not helping at all. I want to figure out a better way to teach you to behave well. Maybe we could talk about things more. What do you think? What would help you learn?"
- Meet the child's needs when they say something. Unmet needs can lead to misbehavior.[1] Meet the need, and misbehavior may not happen. When a child expresses a need, acknowledge it, either meeting it now (e.g. giving them food) or telling them your plan to meet that need soon (e.g. saying "you can get a snack as soon as we arrive home"). Pay attention when a child says (or hints at) things like:
- "I'm hungry"
- "I'm tired"
- "I'm frustrated"
- "I'm thirsty"
- "I'm scared"
- "I'm bored/lonely"
- "I want to ____"
- Keep your expectations reasonable. Some kids, especially younger ones, have limited self-control and attention spans. Kids are going to be annoying sometimes, and they won't always be little angels. They might not be able to do everything you ask of them, no matter how hard they try.
- If a child doesn't act the way you hoped, ask yourself: Have I been pushing them too hard? Could they need a break? Is it possible that they'll be able to do this after they eat/drink/rest, or would they still probably fail?
- If a kid consistently fails to do something that you ask of them, then it may mean that they can't do it (even if it looks like they aren't trying).
- Toddlers, younger children, and kids with disabilities may often struggle to express themselves clearly.[2] Be patient and do your best to listen and help them talk about it.
- Be clear about your expectations. Kids can't follow the rules if they don't know what they are. Let them know what you expect from them, and give reminders as needed.
- Kids can forget things easily. If you see a child breaking a rule, give them a reminder. They may correct themselves.
- You can write a list of the most important rules, and place it somewhere where kids can read it.
- Be willing to discuss and negotiate calmly. Kids are more eager to behave when they feel like they have a say in what the rules are. Take a more flexible approach. Try asking "Do you think that's fair?" to them. If they think it's unfair, let them tell you what they think the rule should be. Then, talk it out.
- It's okay to make small concessions, like "you can play one more round before we go" or "okay, you can stay up half an hour later."[3] This can empower the kids to have a role in decisions, and feel heard.
- Offer praise when the child does something well. Good praise is specific and positive. State what you noticed, and react positively. This helps children feel proud of their good behavior and makes them more likely to do it again.
- "Thank you for cleaning your room. It looks so nice!"
- "I noticed that you put away the dishes without being asked. That was so thoughtful of you."
- "Thank you for playing so quietly while Mommy was working at her desk. Because you were being so quiet, she was able to focus and get more work done, and that made her happy."
- "You were so helpful to your brother getting ready for school. You are so grown-up and it's really cool to see that."
- Praise the child when they stop doing something negative. Let them know that you see them behaving better and that you appreciate it. This helps consolidate the gain and encourages the kid to continue behaving better.
- "I noticed you taking deep breaths instead of screaming at your brother when he was bothering you. That was very mature of you."
- "You're being so gentle with your baby sister. That's really nice to see."
- "You didn't complain tonight when I asked you to put on pajamas. That was really nice for me. I appreciate you making bedtime easier."
- Make sure to spend quality time with the child. Kids need attention, and sometimes they act out if they aren't getting enough of it. Make sure that the child has ways to spend positive time with you. Here are some things you can do:
- Ask about their day and what's on their mind and listen
- Read to them
- Let them show you projects they're working on
- Draw pictures together
- Play board games or video games together
- Go for walks or hikes
- Play backyard sports
- Keep practicing your good habits, even if they don't work at first. If you've been in a negative dynamic with a child before, and then you start a new approach, it may take some time for the child to adjust. They may continue, or even escalate, their bad behavior in the hopes of getting your attention. It's important to stay strong and avoid resorting to bad habits like shouting or making threats.
- Stay away from bad discipline habits. Avoid being too aggressive, oppositional, or scary towards your children. Escalating conflicts usually makes things worse, not better. Work on reducing and eliminating bad discipline habits.
- Spanking and other forms of corporal punishment do much more harm than good.[4][5] Children who are spanked tend to become more aggressive, resentful, and difficult to manage.[6] They're also at higher risk of mental illness, cognitive impairments, and other problems later on.[7][8][9]
- Yelling can cause kids to shut down, and may teach them to yell back at you.[10] Too much yelling at home can make kids afraid of you, and harm their self esteem.[11][12] Try to only yell as a last resort to get attention. If you lose your temper and start screaming, apologize afterwards.
- Name-calling, including telling a child that they are being "bad," can harm a child's self image and make them believe that misbehavior is in their nature.[13][14][15] Instead of calling a child naughty or stupid, talk about their behavior.[16]
EditHandling Misbehavior - Try ignoring the small stuff. If a child is whining, causing minor trouble, or being annoying, it's best not to reward them with attention. Instead, wait calmly for them to be done, and reward them with positive attention when they stop being irritating (from a smile to a "thank you for stopping").
- Sometimes, it's best to just laugh it off if a child is being silly.
- Try redirecting a kid who is getting antsy or engaging in minor misbehavior. If you can tell that a kid is likely going to misbehave soon, or is doing something that isn't great, try redirecting them.[17] Sometimes, they just need to refocus or be given a reminder. Try saying things like:
- "This grocery store is pretty loud, huh? Why don't you and your big sister go outside to the field by the parking lot and hang out there until I'm done?"
- "Please quiet down. Screaming hurts my ears. If you want to talk about what's wrong in your normal voice, I can listen."
- "This is frustrating. Let's take a break and come back to it later."
- "We need to leave soon. Let me know when you're ready to get into the car."
- "Mumbling under your breath won't help me fix your problem. If you want to talk to me about something, you can tell me about it directly."
- Seek to understand first, not punish first. If a child is acting out, it's often a sign that something is wrong. If you can figure out what's wrong, you may be able to collaborate with the child on a better way to solve the problem.
- Whining may mean that a child feels powerless, upset, or lonely.[18]
- Being bossy might mean that a child feels anxious, or that they worry their needs won't be met. Try to find out what's so important to them.
- Rebelling may mean that the child needs an opportunity to show you how capable they are. Try giving them more responsibilities so they can prove themselves.
- Focus on comforting an upset child. If a child is extremely emotional, they probably can't think straight, and discipline may only upset them further. Instead, work on calming them down and showing loving support. Validate their feelings, and offer physical comfort (like a hug or a hand to hold) if they would like.[19][20] Here are some examples of things you can say to calm an upset child:
- "I'm here for you. You can cry as much as you need to."
- "I can see that you're upset."
- "I'd like to help you, once you're ready to talk to me about it."
- "It's okay to cry."
- "I can tell you're really scared about this problem. I want to be here to help you through it."
- "You're allowed to be angry about this. You're in a really tough situation."
- "I can see that hitting the floor right now feels good. Go ahead and let out all your feelings. I'm right here and I can hold you if you would like."
- Ask the child about their side of the story. Let the child tell you about what was going on, and why they did what they did. Listen non-judgmentally, without making threats or assigning punishments yet.
- The child may say that they already know that it is wrong. If so, you don't need to tell them.
- Figure out how to meet an unmet need. If the child acted out because they needed something (like food, quiet time, or attention), see if you can meet that need now. This can calm them down and help them start behaving better.
- Give any needed information. If the child didn't understand why what they did is wrong, they may need to know the reason.[21] Explain why their behavior is bad, and let them know what they can do instead.
- "We color on paper, not walls. Walls are supposed to stay white and clean. Paper is meant for writing and coloring, so it's the perfect place for your art."
- "Calling names makes people feel bad. You may see other people calling names sometimes, but they shouldn't do that, and it's a bad idea to copy them. You can tell people you're upset with them, but it's not right to call names."
- "Looking both ways before you cross the street is really important. If you don't see a car or a bike, and it hits you, you could get really hurt. That's why I got so scared. I need you to look both ways so that you can stay safe."
- Talk to the child about how to handle the problem next time. You can try asking the child what would be a better idea, and see what they come up with.[22] You can also offer suggestions of your own. Work together to agree on a better solution.
- "When you need to take a break, please tell me, instead of throwing a tantrum. I promise I will do my best to listen."
- "We pet dogs gently. Watch how I'm petting Peanut now. See how gentle this is?"
- "Yes, I agree. Next time you don't know how to fix a problem, you can come to me and we can talk about it."
- "Hitting your brother is not okay, even if you're really mad at him. The next time he gets into your personal space, you can tell him to stop. If that doesn't work, get an adult, like me, for help."
- Implement natural consequences, if needed. Have the child fix the problem that they created. This can be a positive experience, and you can help them fix things if it's difficult for them. Making amends is an important skill to learn.
- If the child upset someone, they can apologize and make amends if needed by doing something nice for them. Ask them what they think would be some ways they could make amends.
- If they broke something, have them fix it or (help) pay for a replacement.
- If the child made a mess, they can clean it up (with help if needed).
- Express your feelings about their behavior if they aren't sorry. Many kids do feel regret over behaving badly, especially if you talk to them. But if a child has no remorse, then you may need to be a little more stern with them. Here are some examples:
- "I'm not happy with you hitting other people."
- "We do not yell at other people, no matter how upset we feel. How you treated her was not okay."
- "Lying is not right. How do you think he felt when you said he made the mess?"
- "I'm very disappointed with your behavior right now."
- Consider a discipline as a last resort. If a child knows why their actions were wrong, and knows how to behave better, but still insists on misbehaving, then discipline may be your best answer.
- Taking away a toy or electronics for a reasonable time period
- Grounding, or stricter curfew for a time
- Loss of privileges
EditBeing a Role Model - Stay calm, especially when the child gets emotional. Do your best to be a peaceful influence.[23] When a child sees you are calm, this can help reassure them and encourage them to be calmer too.
- Waiting in serene silence can be very powerful, especially if a child is acting out. Calmly watch them, and wait for them to calm themselves.
- If you can't keep your cool, you may need to step out of the room. You can say "I'm having a hard time controlling my temper right now, so I'm going to stand in the corner for a minute and take some deep breaths."
- Act the way you want your children to act. Kids don't just learn good behavior through talking: they learn it by watching you.
- If you break a rule, be honest about it, and implement the appropriate consequences for yourself.
- Talk about your own difficult feelings, and how you intend to handle them. Kids may not understand how to deal with emotions, so hearing you talk it out can help. Let them hear how you feel and what you want to do about it.
- "I'm really frustrated right now. I can't believe I just dropped grapes all over the floor. I think I need to take some deep breaths, and then clean up."
- "I'm feeling sad today. My mom is sick, but I can't go see her because she lives far away. Maybe I would feel better if I called her, and then played with the cat."
- "I'm feeling pretty tired. I think I need some quiet time to relax. I think I'll talk to Daddy about our schedule, to see if I can make time for a nice warm bath. That often helps me feel better."
- Give yourself time to figure out how to handle things. It can be easy to get frazzled or upset in the stress of the moment. It's okay to pause and breathe.[24] Here are some things you could say to the child:
- "I need a moment to calm myself down."
- "I'm going to pause and think about how to handle this."
- "I don't know what to say. Please give me a minute while I think about this."
- Apologize if you make a mistake. Adopting a new discipline style can be difficult,[25] and it's possible that you'll sometimes lose your temper or handle things badly. Don't be too hard on yourself. Instead, apologize to the child, and make amends if needed (just like you would like the child to do when they mess up).
- Adults can take time outs too! Try giving yourself a time out if you need to regain your composure.[26]
- Always remember to be a good role model, especially around young children.
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| How to Remove Blackheads on Your Back Posted: 16 May 2019 09:00 AM PDT Blackheads are never fun, but having blackheads on your back is frustrating. Focus on removing the blackheads you currently have by using products designed to clean your pores. These will remove the blackheads and dead skin cells. To prevent your pores from becoming clogged again, wash your back every day to remove oil, sweat, and skin cells. EditUsing Skin Care Treatments - Wash your back with salicylic acid and glycolic acid cleansers. Purchase an over the counter (OTC) acne cleanser that contains salicylic acid or glycolic acid. Squirt some of the cleanser into a soft bath sponge and then rub it over your back. Try to wash your back for at least a minute so the cleanser can penetrate your skin. Then rinse it off.[1]
- It's easiest to wash your back while you're in the shower.
- Wash your back with the cleanser twice a day unless it dries out your skin. If your skin is too dry, wash just once a day.
- Scrub your back with a gentle exfoliant once or twice a week. Buy an OTC exfoliant and squirt some of it into a soft bath sponge. Massage the exfoliant into your back for at least a minute and then rinse it off. The gentle exfoliant will help to remove the blackheads on your back.[2]
- To make it easier to scrub your entire back, try using a scrubber brush that has a long handle.
- Many products designed to exfoliate blackheads also contain salicylic acid.
- Spread OTC retinoid cream or gel after washing your back. Apply the cream once a day. Check retinoid cream or gel products to ensure they contain 0.1% adapalene. This will help unclog your pores so it's easier to get rid of blackheads while preventing them from forming.[3]
- If you have hard to reach blackheads, ask someone to help you spread the cream or gel for you.
- Rub the cream onto your back after you get out of the shower or before you go to bed.
- Avoid using products that contain benzoyl peroxide. You've probably seen a lot of acne medications that contain benzoyl peroxide which reduce inflammation and treat bacteria that causes acne. Since blackheads aren't caused by bacteria and they don't cause inflammation, benzoyl peroxide won't remove your blackheads.[4]
- If you have acne on your back that's causing pimples, cysts, or pustules, the benzoyl peroxide would help by removing the bacteria that's causing them.
- Ask your dermatologist about microdermabrasion. If you have a lot of blackheads that aren't responding to skin care products, talk with the dermatologist about microdermabrasion. The technician will drag a small machine over your back that sprays very tiny crystals over your skin. The machine also sucks up the crystals and dead cells from the surface of your skin.[5]
- Your skin will be smoother and feel softer after the microdermabrasion.
EditPreventing Blackheads on Your Back - Choose non-comedogenic skincare products. To prevent blackheads from returning, wash your skin and moisturize it with products that won't clog your pores. These non-comedogenic products won't contain dyes, chemical additives, or natural ingredients, such as coconut oil, that tend to clog pores.[6]
- Products might also say they're non-acnegenic or non-pore clogging.
- Wash and moisturize your hair before you wash your back. If you usually wash your back before shampooing and conditioning your hair, switch your routine. Tilt your head to the side as you rinse shampoo and moisturizer from your hair. This will help the residual hair product drain down your side instead of down your back. Then you can wash your back so it's completely clean.[7]
- Your blackhead treatments will be more effective if your skin is clean and free from oily shampoo residue.
- Buy a clay or charcoal mask product. Look for masks that will deep clean your pores so they don't get clogged with dead skin cells. Choose a mask that's made with clay, charcoal, or sulfur since these will help to loosen any blackheads that are on your back.[8]
- You can also purchase all-natural ingredients to make the masks yourself.
- Apply a mask product to your back once a week. Take a shower and wash your back thoroughly. Then turn off the water and rub the mask over your back. Let the mask sit on your skin for 10 minutes so the ingredients can work their way into your pores. Rinse the mask off and pat your skin dry.[9]
- To lock in moisture, rub a moisturizer designed for your skin type onto your back after you dry off. For example, if you have sensitive skin, choose a gentle moisturizer that doesn't contain fragrance.
- Keep your skin clean and dry throughout the day. If you workout or get sweaty, take a shower as soon as you can and change into a dry shirt. It's important to keep oil and sweat from sticking your back because these will clog your pores and develop blackheads.[10]
- Wear cotton clothing that fits loosely when you workout so the sweat isn't trapped against your back.
- Stick with your new skincare routine for at least 6 to 12 weeks before you look for results.
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