| How to Stop Emotional Abuse Posted: 15 Dec 2019 12:00 AM PST Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. If you're in a cycle of abuse, it's normal to feel a lot of negative emotions. You can learn to shut down abuse by standing up for yourself in the moment and looking for positive ways to interact with the person abusing you, such as talking about something else. If the situation doesn't change, you can also plan how to safely remove yourself from the relationship. If you are the person doing the abusing, it's great that you want to make a change. That's a big step in the right direction. One option is to seek professional help to learn to change your behavior. [Edit]Coping with Abuse - Recognize the signs of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse might be harder to identify than physical abuse. But if you think something is wrong with the way you're being treated, you're probably right. Remember that no one has the right to make you feel bad or treat you poorly in any way. It's not your fault. Signs to look out for include:[1]
- Constant criticism
- Name calling
- Humiliation
- Exerting financial control
- Issuing ultimatums
- Shaming or blaming
- Stand up for yourself in the moment. It can be really difficult but try to shut the abuse down as it is happening. Let the other person know that it is not okay to speak to you that way. Aim to speak in a clear, confident voice. It might be hard, but try to make eye contact as you tell them to stop speaking to you the way they are.[2]
- You could say, "Please don't talk to me like that. Maybe we can talk later when you are calm."
- You can also try using "I statements" such as, "I feel bad when you say things like that. I don't deserve to be treated like this." Using "I statements" is a good idea because it can prevent the other person from feeling defensive.
- Walk away from the situation if possible. If the person is still saying negative things, you can try walking away from the situation. For example, if you're at home, you could go take a walk around the block. If you're at work, excuse yourself to go to the restroom. Hopefully, by the time you return, the other person will have moved on to a new topic or behavior.[3]
- You can say something like, "I need I few minutes by myself" or even, "There's something I need to take care of. Please excuse me."
- Walking away can also give you time to collect yourself. It's really stressful to be abused, so it can really help to take some calming breaths and let your heart rate slow down.
- Walk away for however long you need to. It can be a few minutes or longer.
- Put yourself in the abuser's shoes. This doesn't mean that you need to excuse the abusive behavior in any way. But trying to understand where the other person is coming from can help you remember that the abuse is about them, not you. You might think to yourself, "I know they are really upset about their mom being sick. That doesn't make the behavior okay, but I know they are taking out their frustrations on me. This is not personal."[4]
- Maybe your partner is dealing with depression or anxiety. That doesn't make it right for them to abuse you, but acknowledging their situation can help you understand and process the situation.
- Look for positive ways to interact with the person. If someone is always putting you down, try to find a neutral way to interact with them. For example, if you have a co-worker who always criticizes your ideas, try changing the subject. Instead of responding to the abuse, say "Hey, how was your vacation last week?"[5]
- This might seem like you're ignoring or validating the abuse. In reality, it's a good way to stop the abuse in the moment and continue on with your day.
- This typically will be most effective in a work or social setting. If it is a family member or partner who is abusing you, you'll want to try other methods, too.
- If emotional abuse at work is persistent, speak to your manager or HR.
- Reduce stress to help yourself cope. Stress can take its toll on you, emotionally and physically. It might seem really hard, but if you can lessen your stress, it might be easier to deal with the emotional abuse. To reduce stress, try:[6]
[Edit]Getting Support and Ending Emotional Abuse - Ask your friends and family for support. It can be really difficult if someone you're close to is the one abusing you. If it is a family member or partner, it can feel awful. This is hard, so lean on family and friends. Choose someone who you trust and tell them what you've been going through. They might be able to give you some advice, especially if they also know the other person.[7]
- You could say to your sister, "I'm having a really tough time with Taylor lately. They seem angry all the time and keep saying it's my fault. This is hard for me to talk about, but I wondered if you could listen and offer me some advice?"
- You can share as much or as little as you want. You can also just ask someone to spend some time doing something fun with you, like going to a movie.
- They can also just lend you a shoulder to lean on. It can make you feel better if you know that someone is in your corner.
- Visit a therapist to get professional help. It's totally normal if you are coping with depression or anxiety as a result of emotional abuse. You're not alone! Fortunately, a professional can offer you a lot of support. It's also really helpful to have a safe space to talk about your emotions.[8]
- Consider couples counseling or family counseling with the other person, if they're willing. You might be able to find new, healthy ways to communicate.
- Call a helpline to get information. There are a lot of support systems available to help you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone you know, you can call a hotline to get some support. The staffers or volunteers will be specially trained to help someone in your position.[9]
- Do a quick online search for a hotline in the country where you live.
- In the US, call 1-800-799-7233[10]
- In Canada, call 1-866-661-3311[11]
- In the UK, call 0808 80 200 28[12]
- There are also helplines that offer text chats and online chats, as well.
- Make a safety plan. If you are worried that the abuse might escalate or that you simply can't cope with being yelled at anymore, make a plan so that you're ready to leave your home quickly. You might feel more secure if you know that you have a plan in place. Consider having:[13]
- Emergency funds in an account that only you have access to
- All of your important papers (ID, passport, etc.) all together in a secure place
- Your phone fully charged at all times
- Somewhere you can go at a moment's notice, like a friend or family member's house
- End the relationship if the abuse is severe. It's possible to love your abuser and to know that you shouldn't be around them. This is a really hard thing to go through. However, if the abuse doesn't stop, you might need to end the relationship. You can explain that you don't think the relationship is healthy and that you no longer want to be part of it.[14]
- If you live with the abuser, make sure that you have a plan in place before you end the relationship. For example, have your new living situation already arranged.
- Allow yourself to grieve the relationship. While you made the right choice, you'll still need time to process a wide range of emotions. Be patient and kind to yourself.
[Edit]Stopping Your Own Abusive Behaviors - Be more compassionate to yourself to change how you treat others. If you find yourself yelling at, shaming, or criticizing someone else, you might want to find ways to stop this behavior. Typically, emotional abuse comes from some sort of resentment that you are feeling. The best way to handle this is to be more compassionate to yourself. This will help you understand how others want you to treat them.[15]
- Stop criticizing yourself. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, replace them with positive ones. Do the same when you find yourself criticizing someone else.
- Stop rationalizing your behavior. Although there might be reasons behind your abusive behavior, that doesn't excuse it. You are responsible for your own actions. Instead of making excuses for yourself, acknowledge that your actions are not acceptable.[16]
- For example, if you find yourself isolating someone from others, take a step back. Say to yourself, "This is not okay. I need to find a more positive way to interact with this person."
- Get sober if you abuse substances. Drug and alcohol abuse are often related to emotional abuse. Both can cause you to be more emotional and volatile. If you drink alcohol, try limiting yourself to 1 drink a day. This will make it easier to stay in control of your emotions. You should stop using drugs and alcohol if they are impacting your behavior. Drugs are unhealthy for a lot of reasons, so quitting is the best plan.[17]
- It can be really hard to quit. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. There are support lines and mental health professionals who can help you.
- Avoid situations where you might be offered alcohol or drugs.
- Look for positive ways to interact with the person you abuse. This can help you see that person in a better light. If you are abusing someone at work, ask them to go to lunch with you outside of the office. Getting to know them might help you to be nicer to them.
- If you are abusing a loved one, make it a point to look for ways to have fun with them. For example, if you and your spouse regularly fight about how to raise your kids, do something on your own to shift the focus back to the positive part of your relationship.
- Seek professional help to learn ways to change. Try going to counseling to help figure out how to behave differently. Talking through your situation can be a great way to learn some coping mechanisms. Maybe you're dealing with a lot of stress or anger. A professional can help you learn to process your emotions in a more healthy way.[18]
- Ask your doctor or friends or family for a recommendation to a therapist.
- If possible, try a joint session with the person that you are acting negatively towards. You can hopefully find new ways to communicate.
- Speak up for yourself, if you can. Remember that no one has the right to treat you in a negative way.
- Practice self-care. You'll be better able to cope if you are kind to yourself.
[Edit]Warnings - End the relationship if it is toxic or you fear the abuse might become physical. Be ready to call the authorities if you don't feel safe.
[Edit]References |
| How to Make Eggnog Truffles Posted: 14 Dec 2019 04:00 PM PST Are you looking for a sweet candy gift to share with a friend during the holidays? Would you like to make a candy that looks gourmet while being easy to make? A batch of Eggnog Truffles will impress your friends while being very easy to prepare. Makes: 12 candies [Edit]Ingredients - Add cream cheese, powdered sugar, nutmeg and rum extract to a mixing bowl. Mix together cream cheese mixture using a cooking spoon.
- Add 8 ounces (1/2 pound) white chocolate to a microwave-safe mixing bowl. Open the microwave oven door and place microwave-safe mixing bowl in the microwave oven. Close the microwave oven door. Proceed to cook white chocolate on high (100% power), for 30 seconds.
- Remove bowl from microwave oven and stir until chocolate is smooth. Use a cooking spoon to mix together the white chocolate.
- Add the chocolate mixture to the cream cheese mixture and beat until smooth using a cooking spoon. Cover mixing bowl with food safe plastic wrap. Place bowl in refrigerator and allow the candy mixture to chill for about 2 hours. The mixture will be slightly firm when ready to make the truffles.
- Line baking sheets with waxed paper. To do this, pull out waxed paper from waxed paper box until the waxed paper is the size you need to line the baking sheet. Tear off the waxed paper and lay it on the baking sheet.
- Add the remaining white chocolate] to a microwave-safe mixing bowl. Place the bowl in the microwave oven. Close the microwave oven door and set the microwave oven to the high (100%) setting. Melt remaining chocolate using the high setting (100%), stir chocolate once or twice during cooking. Cook until the chocolate is melted and smooth. Use a cooking spoon to stir the chocolate.
- Remove bowl of melted chocolate from microwave oven. Place the mixing bowl on a clean kitchen counter. Remove the cream cheese and chocolate mixture from the refrigerator, and roll the candy mixture into one-inch balls using your impeccably clean hands.
- Dip the one-inch balls into the melted chocolate. You can use a fork or candy dipper to dip the candy balls into the melted chocolate. Place the one-inch candy ball onto the fork, or the candy dipper, and dip the candy into the melted chocolate. Be sure to cover the candy in a thin layer of melted chocolate. Place the dipped candies onto the wax paper lined baking sheets.
- Allow the candies to set (the candy shell will harden) before placing onto a pretty platter. You can also place the candies into miniature muffin paper liners and add to food-safe gift boxes to share with friends.
[Edit]Things You'll Need - Measuring cups and spoons
- Microwave-safe mixing bowl
- Microwave oven
- Cooking spoons
- Baking sheets
- Waxed paper
- Fork or candy dipper
[Edit]References |
| How to Install Metal Roofing Posted: 14 Dec 2019 08:00 AM PST Metal roofing is becoming very popular because it adds durability, beauty, and helps reduce the energy costs of your home.[1] This type of roofing is available in a wide array of colors, textures, and styles, and can suit anyone's aesthetic preferences. Install your own metal roofing to add efficiency and style to your home while saving money at the same time. [Edit]Readying Your Roof - Measure the area. Before you can begin to update your roof, you will have to get an accurate measurement and order your materials. Always try to measure from the ground first in order to keep yourself safe. If you must climb onto the roof to measure the space, be sure to use caution.[2]
- Find out the slope of your roof. The slope is given as rise-over-run, meaning the distance up over the distance over. This measurement will typically be a measurement over , something like 4/12 or 8/12. Convert this to the equivalent in degrees and as a decimal.
- Use the slope factor to determine the area of the roof. Measure the area (length x width) on the ground, and then multiply this by the slope (in decimal form). This means the slope factor form is: length x width x slope. This will give you the number of square feet that need to be covered.
- For example, if your roof measures x and the slope of the roof is 12/12 (45 degrees, which converts to 1.414 in decimal form), you would multiply 10 x 10 x 1.414, to get the total of 141 square feet of roofing.
- Find the square footage for the entirety of your roof, and add up the total to find out how much metal roofing you need to order.
- Allow for a minimum of 10% waste (extra roofing).
- Get your materials. You will most likely have to order the roofing metal in the amount and color specific to your house. You will also need a large garbage can, a jigsaw or power metal shear, a staple gun, a drill and assorted drill bits, 1¼ inch roofing nails, metal roofing screws, and self drilling, self-sealing wood screws.[3]
- Prepare a work site. In order to make your installation as easy as possible, it is important to have a well-organized work area. You will need a large bin for trash (old roofing and debris), a place for tools, and your scaffolding or ladder set up.[4]
- Make sure that if you are using electric tools that none of the chords are in the way.
- Store the material in a readily accessible area, protected from the weather. The panels are weather-proof but staining can occur if left open to moisture
- Remove the old roofing. Although you can install corrugated metal roofing over shingles, for the best foundation it is recommended that all the old roofing be removed. Work at a slow and steady pace, not trying to rip-up or carry-off too much old roofing at once.[5]
- Start from the highest, furthest point and take up all the old shingles, flashing, vents, and boots. You should be replacing all these with the new metal roofing.
- If you come across any large nails that are sticking out, either remove them and put them in your debris container or hammer them in deep so that they aren't a danger to anyone working.
- If you need to reposition your gutters, do so at this point.
- Always remove the old roofing on a day (or set of days) when the weather is expected to be dry and sunny, as you don't want any rain or moisture to seep into your building.
- Repair any damage. With the old materials removed, the bare bones of the roof frame or plywood sheathing will be exposed. If there is any damage to the sheathing (the wood under the shingles), insulation, or ventilation, fix it now.[6]
- Add your insulation layer. This helps to block out moisture from getting trapped between the metal roof and the sheathing. Use roofing felt to cover the entirety of the roof and secure it with a staple gun or nails.[7]
[Edit]Installing Your Roofing - Install the edging. The edging, or eave flashing, is metal strips that are used to cover the perimeter of the roof. Use your 1¼ inch nails to secure the flashing to the roof. It should overlap the edge of the gutter (if you have them).[8]
- Add the metal panels. Always begin working at the longest peak to eave point of the roof. Take your first sheet of metal and place it on the roof so that it overhangs the edge at least ¾ of an inch. This panel must be aligned perpendicular (square) to the edge.
- Use your neoprene washer head screws to secure the metal to the sheathing. Space the screws about apart down the entire piece of metal.
- Make sure that the screws are all aligned evenly, as you will be able to see them from the ground if they are exposed-fastener metal plates.[9]
- For exposed fasteners, avoid over tightening the fastener. Each fastener has a durable rubber grommet that seals the roof from the weather. Tighten the fastener just enough to seal the site. If you over tighten and the grommet is displaced, remove and replace.
- Continue installing the metal panels, making sure that the edges overlap at lease one inch, or as required, with the adjacent panel. Do this until the entire roof is covered. If you feel the need for sealants, lay a bead of 100% silicone or adhesive silicone before laying the sheet down and make sure the bead is towards the edge of the bottom sheet. This will allow the silicone to squeeze out towards the edges, making it a more tight seal.
- Add the flashing. This is the metal trim similar to the eave flashing, except that it is placed over joints in the roof where different sections meet. This should be used in valleys (points where two sections less than 140 degrees meet) and as end caps over the tops of two sides that meet. Be sure to cut this metal at the correct angle before installing it.
- The flashing can be bent into a 'V' shape to fit over the top of a section (ridge) of a roof, if necessary.
- Depending on how wide the flashing you're using is, you will either have to use one or two rows of screws.
- Finish your roof. Make sure that you've completely covered the entire roof with the metal, that all edges are smooth and finished, and that there are no loose pieces. Clean up all remaining metal, nails, and screws and enjoy your new roof![10].
- If your roof has sky lights or a chimney, consider hiring a professional to help you with that section.
- Your new metal roof may be installed over shingles if the deck is good and a vapor barrier is used such as felt paper or tar paper.
[Edit]Warnings - If you did not install gable trim it may void any wind resistance warranty.
- The edges of metal roofing materials can be very sharp, so always wear thick safety gloves while doing any work.
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