| How to Start a Conversation When You Have Nothing to Talk About Posted: 18 Jan 2020 12:00 AM PST Starting a conversation can be a challenge if you aren't sure where to begin, and awkward silences can be uncomfortable. Even if you don't think you have anything to talk about, there are many ways you can get involved in deep conversation. Look for common topics that you can talk about and be an active listener so the conversation stays engaging. As you get more comfortable talking to others, you'll be able to have a conversation no matter the situation! [Edit]Starting the Conversation - Introduce yourself if you've never met the person before. If you want to talk to a stranger, approach them, make eye contact, and smile. Say hello and tell them your name so they feel comfortable around you. Offer a handshake so the other person feels connected to you and more willing to talk. Ask them for their name so you have a natural lead-in to a longer conversation.[1]
- For example, you may say, "Hi, my name is John. It's nice to meet you."
- You don't need to introduce yourself if you just want to have a casual conversation, but it will help make people more receptive to you.
- Say something positive to invite others to join the conversation. Mentioning something negative at the start of your conversation may make others unwilling to open up and talk with you. Bring up something around you that you really enjoy and smile while you're talking to the other person is more likely to open up and talk with you. After you mention what you enjoy, you ask them how they feel about it to get them involved.[2]
- For example, if you're at a party, you may say, "This music is really cool! Do you like it?" or, "Have you tried the food yet? It's really delicious." Ending with a question encourages the other person to respond and start a conversation.
- Give a compliment to the person to ease into talking with each other. Talk about the person's personality or something they're wearing when you give a compliment. Be genuine with your compliment or else the person may feel like you aren't being truthful and deter them from talking to you. Follow up with a question to keep the conversation going, or else they may not respond.[3]
- You may say something like, "That dress looks really nice. Where did you get it?" or, "You have a good sense of style. How do you find outfits to wear?"
- Use open-ended questions as much as you can so the conversation doesn't end with "yes" or "no."
- Avoid bringing up someone's appearance since it could make them uncomfortable and they may not respond well to it.
- Mention your surroundings to start a conversation if you can't think of anything else. If you're unable to think of a way to transition into a conversation, look around where you and make an observation about something you see. It can be about the weather, a venue, other people, or an event taking place. Stay positive in your conversation so you seem inviting to the other person and you make them more interested in talking to you.[4]
- For example, you may say, "This is my first time at this cafe. Have you tried anything here?" or, "I wish the sun would come out today. When's the last time it wasn't cloudy."
- Have a sense of humor when you're having your conversation. It will make others feel engaged and make your chat more enjoyable.
[Edit]Finding Topics to Talk About - Ask the person what they do for work or school so you can relate to them. Reach out to the person you want to talk to and mention work or school. Ask them what their job involves, how long they've been there, and ask if they've done anything interesting lately. If they're still in school, ask them what they're studying and what they hope to do when they graduate.[5]
- Be sure to answer any questions if they ask about your job or education as well.
- Show genuine interest in their job, even if it doesn't sound the most exciting to you. Use it as an opportunity to learn more about the person and the subject.
- Talk about hobbies that you both enjoy to learn more about the person. People enjoy talking about things they're passionate about, so ask the person what they like to do outside of work or school, and note any areas that sound interesting to you. See what their favorite thing about the hobby is and what they like about it. When they ask you about your hobbies, mention any that are similar to theirs first so you can hold a conversation about it. If you're interested in one of their hobbies, ask them how to get involved so you can try it too.[6]
- For example, you may say something like, "Oh I've never tried woodworking. What's the best thing to do for a beginner."
- Make sure you don't talk over the other person or talk only about your hobbies. Ask questions about what the other person enjoys so you can have a good back-and-forth dialogue.
- Discuss movies, TV shows, or books if you want to talk about pop culture. Many people share similar tastes in media, so talk about recent films or music that you've seen or listened to and gauge the other person's interest. Ask them what content they've been enjoying lately and let them explain why they like it. If you both have seen or heard the same thing, have a discussion about it and talk about your opinions to keep the conversation going.[7]
- For example, you could say, "Have you seen the newest Star Wars movie? What did you think of the ending?" or, "What music do you like to listen to? Do you have a favorite artist I should check out?"
- Even if you disagree with their opinions, stay positive and say something like, "Oh, I never thought of it that way, but I understand your point." That way, the other person will still feel engaged with the subject rather than being shot down.
- If you don't know what the other person is talking about, ask them to clarify or explain what happens so you can get a better understanding of it. It's okay to say "I don't know," if you're unfamiliar with media they're discussing.
- Chat about your past experiences if you want to open up to the other person. If you feel comfortable with the other person, you may ask about their past or what they want to do in the future. Ask them about funny things that happened to them, what their family is like, or goals they have. Open up about your own experiences so you can share them and connect with the other person.[8]
- For example, you may say something like, "Where are you originally from? Did you like it there?" or, "What did you want to be when you grew up?"
- Strangers may find it odd if you ask too much about their personal life right when you meet them. Only ask deeper questions if you both feel comfortable responding to them.
- Never try to "one-up" the person or try to impress them, since it may make them uncomfortable and want to leave the conversation.
- Ask for the person's opinion on current events to engage them. Look up current events in the news or on social media and mention them to the other person. Have at least 1-2 events that happened in the past week ready so you can pull them out in your conversation. See what they think of the news and ask them how they feel on the subject. Be ready to talk about your opinions as well since they may ask you the same thing.[9]
- For example, you may say something like, "Did you hear about the new music app that just came out? I saw it on the news."
[Edit]Staying Engaged in the Conversation - Listen to the other person actively so you can respond to the other person. Put away your phone and focus your attention on the other person while they're talking. Maintain eye contact with them so they know that you're paying attention to them and actively listen to what they're saying. Ask them questions based on what they say so to stay involved in the conversation.[10]
- When they end their thought, briefly restate something they said so they know you were paying attention to them. For example, if they mentioned getting a new vehicle, you can ask, "What kind of car did you end up getting? Does it drive well?"
- Try to avoid thinking of other things while the other person is talking since you may not respond naturally to them when they finish.
- Use the phrase, "That reminds me of," to transition to a new topic. If the other person mentions something that you can relate to while they're talking, use the phrase, "That reminds of…" before talking about your topic. This way, you can easily go between multiple topics in a natural way without any awkward breaks in the conversation. Make sure the topics are related in some way to make it a smooth transition so it's easier for the other person to follow along.[11]
- For example, if they mention the nice weather, you may say something like, "That reminds me of the gorgeous weather in Hawaii when I visited. Have you been there?"
- Say things when they come to your mind to keep the conversation exciting. If you have something come into your head during a random break in the conversation, bring it up and ask the other person about it. Don't interrupt the other person if you think of something while they're talking since it's rude. Make sure the topic isn't something that would make the other person uncomfortable, or else they may not want to continue talking. [12]
- For example, you may say, "I just remembered a funny news story I found online. Do you want to hear it?"
- The person may not be as receptive of a random topic if you haven't already talked to them yet.
- If you start a conversation and the other person doesn't respond or seems uncomfortable, it's okay to leave the conversation if you want.
[Edit]Warnings - Avoid talking about topics where the conversation could get heated, such as politics or religion.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Clean a Velvet Sofa Posted: 17 Jan 2020 04:00 PM PST Cleaning a velvet sofa is easy and will keep the fabric looking fresh and brand new. To clean liquid spills that haven't dried yet, use a clean cloth to blot the area dry. Gently rub dried stains with soap and water before air drying your sofa and brushing the velvet to restore the fabric. To clean your entire couch, vacuum it with a handheld vacuum or hose attachment. Once it's clean, use a fabric protector to keep future stains and spills from damaging the fabric. [Edit]Vacuuming Your Sofa - Vacuum your sofa at least once a month to keep dirt from building up. Regularly vacuuming your sofa is the best way to ensure that surface contaminants don't work their way into the fabric as people sit or lay down on your furniture. Vacuum your sofa with a handheld vacuum or hose attachment at least once a month to ensure that your sofa stays clean and comfortable.[1]
- It won't take more than 5-10 minutes to vacuum your sofa. This is a small price to pay for an elegant piece of furniture!
- Use a soft-bristled brush to knock dust and dirt up. Before vacuuming your sofa, grab a soft-bristled brush or clothing brush. Remove any pillows or blankets from your sofa. Start on one end of the sofa and gently brush in long, even strokes. Cover each section of your sofa 2-3 times to knock up any dust, dirt, or grime that is hiding in your fabric.[2]
- Vacuum your sofa using a hand vacuum or hose. Attach the fabric bristles to your hose or hand vacuum. Turn the vacuum on its lowest setting. Start on one end of your sofa and run the vacuum or hose across each pillow by working in vertical or horizontal strips. Move the vacuum in the same direction with each motion to ensure that your fabric is lifted the same way with each stroke. Vacuum the sides of the frame and the top of the pillows and frame to remove all of the dust, dirt, or crumbs.[3]
- Lift your pillows out and vacuum behind them to remove the crumbs or dust that's hiding behind the cushions.
[Edit]Removing Stains and Spot-Cleaning - Address stains, spills, or dirt as soon as you notice them. To avoid stains from setting into your velvet furniture, clean them as soon as you spot them. The longer that you allow a contaminant or liquid to sit on your furniture, the more likely it is to stain or permanently damage your velvet.[4]
- Blot wet spills dry with a clean cloth until they disappear. If a liquid has been spilled on your velvet, grab a clean, dry cloth. Take your cloth to the affected area and blot the area repeatedly. Tap it gently with the cloth to soak up the excess liquid. When a section of your cloth gets damp, move the cloth around in your hand until you find a dry section. Continue doing this until the spill is completely dried out.[5]
- Avoid rubbing the cloth. Moving your cloth back and forth may work the liquid deeper into the fabric.
- You can use paper towels instead of a dry cloth if you prefer, but if the paper towels aren't highly absorbent, you'll need to use a lot of them.
- Mix a little soap with water to clean dried stains. If your liquid spill leaves a mark behind after it dries or you notice a dried stain on your sofa, clean it with soap and water. Grab a bowl and fill it with of lukewarm water. Then, add a few drops of unscented dish soap to the water and mix the solution with a spoon until soap bubbles form on the surface of the water.[6]
- Spot test your cleaning solution in an inconspicuous area. Take a clean, microfiber cloth and dip it in your soap and water. Then, tap the cloth on an area of your couch that guests can't see. The section underneath the sofa is best, but you can test it behind the sofa if your furniture is resting against the wall. Tap the velvet with your damp cloth 4-5 times and wait 1-2 minutes to see if the soap damages or stains your fabric.[7]
- If the soap and water changes the color of your fabric, your fabric is probably slub or antique velvet. These types of velvet cannot be cleaned with liquid cleaning products. Contact a professional cleaning service to clean these types of velvet.
- Rub the stained fabric with your cloth using smooth, gentle strokes. Take your cloth and dip it in the soap and water. Wring it over the bowl to remove the excess water and soap. Then, rub your stained area using gentle taps and soft strokes. Rub the entire area repeatedly until you've covered the area 3-4 times.[8]
- You don't want to soak your sofa, but you do need to get the entire area a little damp to let the soap remove the stain.
- Allow the cleaned area to air dry for 30-60 minutes. If you can, open the window and turn a few fans on to keep the room well-ventilated. Wait at least 30 minutes to give the soap and water time to air out. Once the area looks dry, touch it lightly with the pad of your finger. If it's still damp, continue to let the area air dry.[9]
- Wait until the fabric is totally dry before brushing or sitting on your sofa.
- Scrub the area you cleaned with a soft-bristled brush to restore the velvet. Grab a soft-bristled brush or clothing brush. Gently brush the dried area using short, flicking motions. This will restore the plushy look of the fabric. Continue brushing the area until the stain looks like it is entirely gone and the velvet is in its original condition.[10]
- If the stain is still visible after brushing it, repeat this process until the stain is entirely gone. You may not be able to remove the stain if it has fully settled into the fabric, though.
[Edit]Protecting Your Sofa - Check your sofa's tag to see if it has already been treated. Look underneath the sofa and underneath the cushions to find the sofa's tag. Inspect the tag carefully to see if the velvet has been treated before or not. If it has been waterproofed or treated, consult the manufacturer to see if additional fabric protectors will ruin the sofa.[11]
- Get a fabric or upholstery protector designed for velvet. You can purchase a can of fabric protector at a local home goods or big box store. Read the label on a can of fabric protector to see if it is designed to protect fabric. Get a waterproofing fabric protector if you want to completely prevent liquid spills from damaging your sofa in the future. Get a standard fabric protector if you don't want to change the feel of your velvet.[12]
- A non-waterproof fabric protector will make your sofa easier to clean and keep it feeling soft.
- A waterproof fabric protector will prevent liquids from immediately soaking into your fabric, but it isn't a foolproof fix for liquid spills. Waterproofing aerosol sprays may change the feel of your velvet as well.
- Test your protector in an inconspicuous area to make sure it's safe. Once you bring your fabric protector home, read the instructions on the label carefully to see if there are any special steps that you need to take. Then, take the fabric protector and spray it underneath or behind your sofa to test it. Wait 5-10 minutes to see if it damages your fabric or modifies the color.[13]
- If your fabric protector changes the color of your sofa or damages the fabric, you cannot use it to protect your furniture. Contact a professional cleaning service to find out how they can waterproof your sofa.
- Mist your sofa with the fabric protector to preserve the fabric. Velvet doesn't do well when soaked, so instead of spraying your protector directly into the fabric, mist it by spraying more than away from the surface of the sofa. Press the nozzle or pull the trigger repeatedly while moving the container across the surface of your sofa. Mist each section 3-4 times to apply your fabric protector.[14]
- If your sofa is in a corner or against a wall, pull it away from the wall before applying your fabric protector.
- Wait 1-2 hours to give your fabric protector time to dry. To give the protector time to work into the fabric, wait at least 1 hour to give it time to dry. Crack a window open or turn the fan on to keep the room well-ventilated while it dries.
- If your sofa still feels a little damp when you go to check it, let it dry for an additional hour.
- Keep your sofa out of direct sunlight to preserve it. Direct sunlight can cause your velvet's color to fade over time. To keep the sofa looking new and beautiful, move your furniture so that you sofa isn't sitting directly in front of a sunny window.[15]
- This is particularly important if your velvet is a brighter color, like blue, red, or purple.
- Get your velvet furniture professionally cleaned every 2-3 years. This will keep it comfortable and clean.
[Edit]Things You'll Need [Edit]Removing Stains and Spot-Cleaning - Bowl
- Water
- Soap
- Cloth
- Soft-bristled brush
[Edit]Vacuuming Your Sofa - Soft-bristled brush
- Vacuum
[Edit]Protecting Your Sofa [Edit]References |
| How to Come Out As Nonbinary Posted: 17 Jan 2020 08:00 AM PST If you're nonbinary, you might be ready to share that information with some people in your life. The coming out process is different for everyone, so take some time to think about what you want to share. If you're feeling scared or nervous, remember that you can choose who you tell, how you tell them, and when you share your identity with them. The most important thing is your comfort, so above all make sure you do what feels right to you. [Edit]Choosing a Process That Feels Comfortable to You - Try writing down what you want people to know before starting the conversation. It's totally normal to feel nervous before coming out. You can help calm your nerves and feel prepared by making a general outline of what you want to say, which you can then bring with you during the conversation. Then, if you're not sure what to say, refer back to your notes to keep the discussion focused on you and your identity. [1]
- A lot of people aren't familiar with what it means to be nonbinary. Try to think of some questions that they might ask. Jot down some answers so that you are ready to provide information.
- For example, you might want to write down what being nonbinary means to you. That might mean identifying as gender fluid or gender neutral, for instance. Remember, this is different for everyone.
- You might also write down whether or not you think coming out as nonbinary might impact your life. That's something that others might want to know. They might also ask if this will impact your relationship with them.
- Think about coming out to a friend or younger family member first. Younger people are more likely to be open-minded about sexuality and tend to be more progressive than older generations. If you're nervous about how some people might react, it might be easier to have that first conversation with someone that you feel really comfortable with. Ask a younger person that you trust if they have time to talk about something important to you.
- It can also be helpful to talk to someone who has experience coming out as LGBTQ+. They might have some good advice for you.
- Choose who you want to tell, and remember you don't have to come out to everyone at once. Who you come out to is your choice, so take some time to think about how you want to approach the situation. Do you want everyone to know? Are you more comfortable with the idea of having one-on-one conversations? If you're not sure, think about people in your life who are supportive, understanding, and open-minded, and try starting there. [2]
- Pick a comfortable place and a convenient time. Choose a spot where you will feel comfortable having an important conversation. This might be your living room or a friend's house. Try to choose somewhere where you won't be interrupted, at a time where you think the other person will be able to devote their full attention to your conversation.[3]
- If you're worried about a negative reaction, you might feel more comfortable in a public place. Think about going to a quiet coffee shop to have your talk.
- Ask the other person to pick a time that's good for them. You want to make sure they have time to talk and that they are able to give you their full attention. This might be a quick conversation, or you might end up talking for a while. Either way is fine.
- Make sure you feel safe before coming out. If you are concerned that someone will have a violent reaction to your news, it might not be a good time to come out. It's definitely okay to wait. For instance, if you depend on your parents for money or somewhere to live, think about whether you are risking your safety by coming out. [4]
- Think about waiting until you can support yourself before coming out if you think your parents might react negatively.
- If you choose to come out under these circumstances have a back-up plan in place. For example, ask a friend if you can stay with them for a while if necessary. You could also save up some money if that would make you feel more secure.
- You might also think about writing a letter if you are concerned about a negative reaction. That will give others time to process your news.[5]
[Edit]Having a Constructive Conversation - Make your announcement clear and straightforward. Don't beat around the bush or try to have your audience guess what you're trying to say. Just state what you want to tell them right away.[6]
- You might say, "Hey, Jane, I wanted to let you know that I am nonbinary. That means that I simply don't identify as male or female."
- Maybe you also want to say something like, "I'm trusting you with this information, but it'd be great if you don't talk about it with others. This is my story to share, okay?"
- You can choose to share more about your experience or feelings, or just leave it at that. What you share is completely up to you.
- Be ready to answer questions. Some people might not understand what nonbinary means. That's okay. Just try to be patient with them. If they ask questions, it's probably because they're trying to understand what you're telling them. Try to be patient and answer when you feel comfortable.[7]
- For example, people might ask you how you know, or what nonbinary means. You can tell them what it means to you. It's okay to keep your answer brief or to explain in detail, depending on how comfortable you feel at that moment. Keep in mind that you'll likely have other chances to talk to them about this, too.
- They may also ask what pronouns you'd prefer to be referred by. Be honest, and let them know how you would like them to refer to you.
- Offer resources they can access if they're interested. Before you start the conversation, gather some resources on what it means to be nonbinary. There are lots out there! That way, you don't have to answer questions that you don't want to. You can simply direct the other person towards these resources.[8]
- Point them towards specific websites that have been helpful to you. You could also give them pamphlets or handouts from an LGBTQ+ community center. Another idea is to give them a book about what it means to identify as non-binary.
- Some really helpful resources are The Trevor Project and PFLAG. If you're in school, you could also ask your guidance counselors for suggestions, if you feel comfortable talking to them about your identity.
- Allow people time to process what you've said. It's great if you are immediately met with support and kind words. However, if that doesn't happen right away, don't give up. Some people need time to process important information. Remember, it probably took some time for you to feel comfortable with your identity, too.[9]
- You could say, "You seem a little overwhelmed. Do you want to talk about this again later?"
- Try having a friend with you during the conversation. If you are anxious about coming out to a family member, it might help you feel comfortable to have a friend with you. This can be especially valuable if you're worried about a negative or potentially unsafe reaction.
- If you've already come out to a friend or younger family member, ask if they could be with you while you come out to others.
- You can say, "It would might me feel a little less scared if you could be there when I talk to my dad. Would you mind sitting in on the conversation?"
- Consider putting a time limit on the conversation. Maybe you're worried that someone will ask you a ton of questions. Or maybe you just don't want to have a really lengthy conversation. That's fine! You can make your point, and then end the conversation whenever you're ready.
- Try saying, "I understand you have more questions. But this is really emotional for me and I need to be done for now. Okay?" Alternatively, you could say, "I'll talk for 10 more minutes, but then I really need to be done. Thanks."
- Walk away if the conversation is not healthy. If the person is yelling, saying rude things, or being otherwise aggressive, you don't have to stick around for that. Say, "I'm not comfortable with how this is going. Let me know if you'd like to talk more when you're calm."
- You can also tell the person that you're open to talking again when they calm down. But if you're not comfortable with that, that is okay too!
[Edit]Taking Care of Yourself - Give yourself time to process your emotions. Coming out and choosing to live openly can be liberating, but it's also a really emotional process. Be patient with yourself and know that whatever you are feeling is okay. During the coming out process it is normal to feel:[10]
- Proud
- Uncertain
- Brave
- Scared
- Nervous
- Relieved
- Ensure that you have people who will support you. Before you come out, it's a good idea to make sure that you have someone who you know will support you. This could be a friend or family member that you know you can count on. If you're ever feeling anxious or just down, you can ask them for help.[11]
- Don't be afraid to say something like, "I'm feeling really emotional today. Would you take a walk with me? I think some fresh air and company would make me feel better."
- If you're feeling lonely or scared, there are also support lines, like The Trevor Project, that you can call. Sometimes a supportive listener might be just what you need.
- Seek out the LGBTQ+ community in your city. Look online for LGBTQ+ organizations near you. During the coming out process (and after) it can feel good to be around people who can understand what you're dealing with.[12]
- You can also look for online support groups and social groups.
- Ask an LGBTQ+ friend how they got to know other members of the community.
- If you're in school, you can check with the counselor to see if they have any suggestions.
- Practice self-care. Remember to be kind to yourself. This is a rewarding process, but not always an easy one. You might find that keeping a journal is helpful for you, or even meditating. The important thing is to take time for yourself and do things that make you feel good. This could be:[13]
- Watching a funny show.
- Taking your dog for a walk.
- Spending time with friends.
- Reading a good book.
- Enjoy living openly. While it might take some time to become comfortable with this, there are lots of benefits to living openly. During and after the coming out process, you can look forward to:[14]
- Developing more genuine relationships.
- Becoming a role-model.
- Becoming part of a vibrant community.
- Living with more self-confidence.
- Before you come out to an older family member, try talking to a friend first. You might find that more comfortable.
- Test the waters before you come out. You might say something like, "I say a non-binary character on TV last night. What do you think about that?"
- Take your time. Coming out is a process that doesn't happen overnight.
[Edit]References |
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