| How to Help a Friend with a Broken Heart Posted: 20 Jan 2020 12:00 AM PST If your friend is dealing with a breakup, the death of a loved one, or any other hard time, you probably want to do whatever you can to help. While there's nothing you can do or say to make the pain go away, you can be there for your friend and offer plenty of support. Regardless of your friend's situation, being a good friend can go a long way in helping heal a broken heart. [Edit]Being There for Your Friend - Encourage grieving. Your friend needs to deal with their emotions in order to get through this tough time, so encourage them to tackle them head-on. Remind them that they will never feel better if they are in denial about what has happened or ignore how they are feeling about it.[1]
- Let them know it's okay to cry. Tears can help them heal!
- If you feel like your friend is bottling their emotions up inside, explain to them that doing so can make it harder to get past the hurt.
- The stages of grief typically include sadness, shock, remorse, withdrawal, and acceptance. Don't be too alarmed if your friend experiences all of these, or if they go away and then come back.[2]
- Everyone grieves differently, so try not to be judgmental of your friend's process. If, however, they seem to be paralyzed by their grief and do not seem to be getting any better, consider suggesting that they see a grief counselor.[3]
- If your friend has lost someone close to them, it may help them grieve if you help them plan a memorial of some kind.[4]
- Listen. Sharing their feelings will help your friend heal their broken heart, so make sure they know you are there to listen to them whenever they need you. Be a good listener and let your friend talk for as long as they want.[5]
- Be sure to tell your friend that you are willing to listen. They may really want to talk, but be worried about burdening you.
- Reach out to your friend as soon as you hear about what happened and let them know you're thinking about them. You can let them know then that you are willing to listen, but don't take offense if they don't feel like talking yet.
- Avoid giving advice unless your friend asks for it. Your friend may just feel like venting.[6]
- If your friend doesn't want to talk, encourage them to write their thoughts down in a journal.
- It's okay to ask questions about what happened, especially if you are close friends. Doing so will help you understand what they are going through and how you can help.[7]
- Be empathetic. Let your friend know that you care about their feelings and want to help them through this tough time. Instead of passing judgment, simply acknowledge their pain and tell them you are sorry that they have to experience it.
- Always express simple condolences by saying something like, "I'm sorry for your loss."[8]
- If your friend is going through a breakup, don't feel like you need to say anything negative about their ex to make them feel better. Instead of saying something like, "They were a jerk and you're better off without them," just acknowledge the sense of loss your friend is feeling by saying, "It must be really hard to lose someone you cared about so much."[9]
- It also typically does not help to try to show your friend the silver lining of their situation. Instead of saying, "Everything happens for a reason," just say, "I'm sorry about what you're going through. How can I help?"[10]
- Don't tell your friend that whatever happened, happened for a reason. You run the risk of trivializing their pain if you say something like this.[11]
- Check up on your friend. Heartbreak can stick around for a long time, so don't expect your friend to be fine after a day or 2. Check in on them regularly and ask them how they are feeling. Always remind them that you are there to help and support them however they need.[12]
- Don't wait for them to reach out to you. They may really need you, but they may not be feeling up to making contact.[13]
- Call your friend, text them, or leave them a note to let them know you're thinking about them. Depending on how close the 2 of you are, you may want to do this every day or every few days until they seem to be feeling a little better.
- Call at strategic times to show your friend that you are thinking about them. For example, if a loved one has just passed away, you shouldn't call during the funeral, but it would be nice to call that evening or the next day to see how your friend is doing.
- When you check in on your friend, be sure to remind them that you're there for them if they feel like talking.
- Offer to help out with small things. If your friend is so down in the dumps that they have been neglecting everyday tasks, offer to help them out. For example, bring them some groceries or visit them to help out with math homework.[14]
- If your friend declines your help, let them know it's an open invitation.
- If you are close friends, consider surprising them with something unexpected, like having a pizza delivered to their house.
- Consider inviting them over for a meal. This will help them get the nourishment they need and it will get them out of the house, which will probably be good for them.[15]
- Don't push it. While it's great that you want to help your friend, there's only so much you can do. You need to allow your friend to grieve in their own way and give them the time they need to get past their pain. Don't expect them to bounce back right away or try to force them to get over it.[16]
- Remember that during this time your friend may seem a little selfish and may not be the best friend to you. Try to be understanding and look past this. They will be back to their old selves eventually.
- Take small steps when encouraging your friend to be active. If they aren't comfortable going to a party, ask them if they want to come over and watch a movie with you.
- Maintain healthy boundaries and avoid saying "yes" to every request. While it's great to help your friend, it's also important to say "no" when you are not up to helping them. Make sure that you are not giving away too much of your time and emotional energy. Some ways you can maintain healthy boundaries include:[17]
- Identifying what your limits are, such as what you are willing to do to help and what you are not willing to do. For example, you might be willing to listen to your friend vent about their ex, but not act as a go-between to send messages to their ex or find out what their ex is up to.
- Asserting your boundaries to your friend, such as by telling them what you will and will not do. For example, you might say, "I'm happy to listen to you any time I can, but I can't accept calls when I am at work. Let's talk after I get off work."
- Being direct with your friend if a boundary is crossed, such as by saying, "I am willing to help in any way I can, but as I said before, I can't help you with that."
- Staying tuned into your feelings and letting your friend know if you need a break, such as by saying, "I want to help you, but I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now. Can we talk tomorrow instead?"
- Practice self-care to replenish your emotional energy. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so it's important to take good care of yourself as you attempt to help your friend heal. Do things that you enjoy and that are nurturing to you to replenish your emotional stores.[18] Set aside at least 30 minutes daily to do something you enjoy and find relaxing, such as:
- Going for a walk
- Taking a long bath
- Engaging in a favorite hobby, such as knitting, painting, or playing video games
[Edit]Helping Your Friend Move On - Tell your friend how strong they are. Your friend might not be feeling very good about themselves right now, so it will help to remind them how incredibly strong and wonderful they are. Tell your friend everything you admire about them and let them know that these qualities are just what they need to get through this tough time.[19]
- Consider making a list of your friend's best qualities. This may be just what they need to cheer them up.
- Offer specific examples of why you think your friend is strong. Remind them of other difficult things they have dealt with in their life and tell them you are proud of how they handled them.
- Help them be independent. If your friend was used to doing everything with someone who is no longer in their life, such as an ex, they may feel like they need that person in their life in order to function. Help your friend realize that they are perfectly capable of living a satisfying life without this person by encouraging them to do things with friends and by themselves.[20]
- This may involve helping your friend find new hobbies that won't remind them of their ex or even helping them make some new friends. If most of the people that they used to spend time with are friends with their ex, try introducing them to some new people who don't even know the ex.
- If your friend has hobbies or activities that they used to enjoy, make sure they stick with them. This will really help them get their mind off of the breakup.[21]
- Be active together. Physical activities can do wonders for the spirit, so try to get your friend moving. Any kind of exercise, whether it's an organized sport or just fooling around, will do them good.[22]
- Consider inviting them to an exercise class with you.
- If you can't convince them to do anything too strenuous, see if they will go for a walk with you.
- Encourage them to seek professional help. If your friend is having an especially hard time coping with their broken heart, encourage them to talk to a therapist. A professional may be able to offer your friend the kind of support and encouragement that their loved ones simply cannot.[23]
- This is especially important if your friend feels suicidal or has been engaging in self-destructive behavior like doing drugs or hurting themselves. Your friend needs help, so make sure they get it!
- A support group may also be an option, depending on what kind of heartbreak your friend is dealing with. This will give them the opportunity to talk to other people who know exactly what they are going through.
[Edit]Preventing Destructive Behavior - Suggest a technology timeout. If your friend is going through a breakup, they may be itching to badmouth their ex or rant about it on social media, but this really won't do them any good. Try to convince them to take some time away from social media and to keep the details of their relationship private. This will also help them avoid seeing anything that their ex and/or friends may have posted about the breakup.[24]
- A technology timeout may be appropriate for other kinds of heartbreak as well, especially if they are being overwhelmed by people expressing their sympathy.
- Discourage obsessive behavior. Some activities will just make your friend's pain worse, so try to identify destructive habits that get your friend upset and discourage them from doing those things. Let them know how you feel about this and encourage them to stop the behavior.[25]
- Make sure your friend is not harassing their ex after a breakup. If they keep calling their ex or asking everyone they know about what their ex is doing, let them know that you are concerned.
- If your friend just lost their job, discourage them from reading (or posting) negative reviews about their former company online.
- Watch out for unhealthy habits. It can be easy to neglect your health when you're going through a tough time, so make sure your friend is not doing this. If you notice that they are not getting enough sleep, not eating properly, or have started drinking or taking drugs, express your concern and encourage them to make healthier choices.[26]
- Sit your friend down for a one-on-one intervention if you notice any of this behavior. They may not even realize what they are doing to themselves.
- If you are really concerned about your friend, talk to other people who can help you help them. This is especially important if your friend is a minor. Their parents need to know about their destructive behavior.
- View rebound relationships with caution. There are mixed views on whether or not it is a good idea to get into a new relationship right after a breakup. If your friend is jumping into a new relationship right after breaking up with someone else, it may be a good idea to talk to them about their reasons for wanting to find a new partner so quickly.
- If they are trying to fill the void left by their ex by getting into a relationship with someone who they wouldn't ordinarily be interested in, the rebound relationship will probably cause them (and the person they are dating) more harm than good.[27]
- If, on the other hand, they feel ready to get back out there and seem to have a good understanding of what they are looking for in a partner, a new relationship may be just what they need.[28]
- If your friend wants to talk, let them talk. Make sure that you are truly listening. Do not interrupt.
- You might find yourself in a tough situation if your friend is going through a breakup and you are friends with the ex as well. It's important to talk with your friends about their expectations so they won't end up getting angry with you for talking to their ex in the future.
[Edit]Warnings - If you're afraid that your friend might be suicidal or in danger of harming themself or someone else, take it seriously. Call emergency services or contact a crisis hotline. For example, if you live in the U.S., you can text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741, or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Knit Scrubbies Posted: 19 Jan 2020 04:00 PM PST Scrubbies are small abrasive dishcloths that you can use to clean hard surfaces and dishes. You can knit your own scrubbies using a special type of scrubby yarn or a combination of dishcloth yarn and nylon netting. This is an easy, quick, and useful project for knitters of all levels, so make some scrubbies for yourself and your friends! [Edit]Designing Your Scrubbies - Choose a textured scrubby and/or cotton yarn. A textured scrubby yarn is ideal for making scrubbies, but you can also use a cotton yarn. Try checking online or in your local craft supply store for a textured scrubby yarn. If none is available, then opt for a cotton yarn.[1]
- Red Heart has a yarn called Scrubby that is specifically for making scrubbies.
- Sugar n' Cream is a popular type of cotton yarn, but you may use any brand you like.
- Get a pair of knitting needles that will work with your yarn. Check the yarn label to determine what type of knitting needles will work best for the yarn you are using. This will help to ensure that you get the best possible results.
- For example, a pair of US size 7 to 9 (4.5 to 5.5 mm) knitting needles will work well if you are using a medium-weight scrubby yarn.[2]
- Add nylon for extra scrubbing power if desired. If you want extra texture in your scrubbies or if your yarn is not textured, then you can incorporate some nylon into your knitting. Purchase some nylon net and cut it into strands. Then, tie those strands together to make nylon yarn that you can knit into your scrubby.[3]
- Check your local craft supply store for nylon net or buy some online.
[Edit]Knitting a Simple Scrubby - Hold 2 strands together for a thicker scrubby. If you want a thick durable scrubby, then knit with 2 strands of scrubby yarn at once. Another option is to hold 1 piece of scrubby or nylon yarn and 1 piece of cotton yarn as you knit. However, you may also knit with 1 strand of scrubby or nylon yarn to make your scrubby.
- If you are working with a single ball of scrubby yarn, then divide the ball into 2 equal-sized balls before you get started.
- If you are using nylon to add texture to the scrubby, the hold 1 strand of nylon yarn with 1 strand of cotton yarn to knit the scrubby.
- Make a slipknot. Loop the yarn around your index and ring finger twice, and pinch the intersection of 2 loops (where the loops begin and end). Slip the loops off your fingers while pinching this section, and then bring the second loop over the first loop. Tug on the tail-end of the yarn to tighten the loop slightly. Slide the loop onto your right-hand needle and tug on the tail to tighten it further.[4]
- This slipknot counts as your first cast on stitch.
- Cast on 15 stitches. Loop the yarn over the left-hand needle and insert the right-hand needle into the loop. Yarn over the right-hand needle and pull through to create your second cast on stitch. Keep casting on until you have a total of 15 stitches.[5]
- If desired, you may cast on more or fewer stitches than 15 to create a different size scrubby.
- Knit across the first row. To knit, insert the right-hand needle through the first stitch on the left-hand needle going from front to back. Then, loop the yarn over the end of the right-hand needle and pull this new loop through the old loop, and then let the old loop slide off the end of the left-hand needle.[6]
- Repeat this sequence all the way to the end of the row.
- Turn your work and continue knitting. Switch the right-hand needle with all of the stitches on it to your left hand, and place the empty needle in your right hand. Then, continue knitting across this new row. By turning your work after each row, you will be working in the garter stitch. This stitch has a little stretch and texture to it.[7]
- Continue to knit until the scrubby is the desired size. After you finish casting on, knit across the first row and then continue knitting all of the rows until the scrubby is the desired size. A good scrubby size is about , which is roughly 22 rows.[8]
- You can measure your scrubby when it looks like it is close to the desired size, but you can also just guess. Scrubbies do not need to be perfect since you will just be using them to scrub counters and dishes.
- Bind off the last row. To finish your scrubby, you will need to bind off the stitches. Start by knitting the first 2 stitches in the row. Then, use the left-hand needle to lift the first stitch on the right-hand needle over the second stitch. Then, knit 1 and use the left-hand needle to lift the first 1 up and over the second 1 again.[9]
- Keep doing this to the end of the row to bind off all the stitches.
- After binding off the last stitch, tie a knot through it and cut the excess yarn.
[Edit]Things You'll Need - Scrubby yarn
- Cotton yarn (optional)
- Nylon netting (optional)
- Knitting needles in US size 7, 8, or 9 (4.5, 5.0, or 5.5 mm)
- Scissors
[Edit]References |
| How to Help a Cat with Anxiety Posted: 19 Jan 2020 08:00 AM PST Just like humans, cats sometimes struggle with anxiety. If you notice your feline friend acting nervous, irritable, aggressive, or clingy, this may indicate that it's anxious. You may be able to help by offering an enriching, low-stress environment. If your cat's anxiety is new or severe, make an appointment with your vet to discuss possible causes and treatment options. It may not always be obvious if your cat is anxious, so get familiar with common signs of anxiety in cats if you're not sure how your companion might be feeling. [Edit]Creating a Calming Environment - Offer places for your cat to perch and hide. Avoid trying to give the cat attention as it may interpret this as a sign of aggression. Back off and allow the cat to do what it needs to do to feel safe, even if that means hiding away for a while. Provide your cat with furniture to help it feel more secure, such as a cat tree with perching platforms and built-in "apartments." Upside down cardboard boxes with a couple of holes cut into the sides also make good hiding spots. If your cat doesn't feel like it has a safe space to retreat to when things get stressful, it may feel anxious and overwhelmed.[1]
- Your cat may also appreciate having a designated area in the home where it can get away from other pets or children. For example, if you have a utility room, you could put a litter box and cat bed there and put a baby gate in the doorway to keep your dog out.
- Cats also enjoy having high places where they can safely survey the world around them from above.[2] You may want to clear a pathway for your cat that's up off the ground, such as along a shelf or along the back of a couch.
- Give your cat safe areas to eat, sleep, and use the litter box. Your cat needs to feel secure while it is doing basic functions like eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom. Place your cat's food dishes, litter box, and bedding in low-traffic areas where it won't be harassed by other pets or kids.[3]
- For example, if your dog tries to pester your cat at mealtimes, try putting your cat's food and water in an area the dog can't reach, such as on a countertop or cat tree.
- Provide toys for your cat to keep it busy. Cats are natural predators that need to engage in stalking and hunting behaviors to feel fulfilled and happy. To keep your cat from getting anxious and bored, provide a variety of toys and other forms of entertainment. Try to offer enrichment items that make your home more like the cat's natural environment. Some good options include:[4]
- Puzzle feeders to make mealtimes more fun and enriching.
- Moving toys, like windup mice or robotic bugs, that your cat can chase.
- Fishing rod toys, feather wands, or laser pointers for interactive play.
- Fun things for your cat to watch, like fish tanks, bird feeders located outside your windows, or footage of fish, birds, or bugs on your TV.
- Cat-safe plants, like potted cat grass or catnip.
- Make sure your cat has scratching posts. Cats need to scratch to maintain their claws, but they also do it to mark their territory and relieve excitement or nervous energy.[5] To keep your cat from feeling anxious or engaging in destructive scratching, provide at least one scratching post or horizontal scratching surface.
- You can buy a scratching post or board scratcher from a pet supply store, or make your own scratching post.
- Pay attention to whether your cat prefers to scratch while standing upright or down on all fours. Choose an upright scratching post or a horizontal scratching board based on your cat's preferences.
- Cats like to scratch right after they wake up, so place a scratcher near your cat's sleeping area. You can also place a scratcher near furniture or other objects you don't want your cat to scratch.
- Ignore your cat unless it's asking for attention. This may seem counterintuitive, but one good way to calm an anxious cat is to act as if it isn't there at all. Instead of trying to soothe your cat or sneak around quietly when it's acting timid or scared, go about your business as usual. This will help your cat feel more at ease and less like it is the center of attention.[6]
- Don't make direct eye contact with your cat, talk to it, or try to touch it unless it approaches you first.
- If your cat does approach you, reward the behavior with praise, treats, or gentle petting.
- Getting down on the cat's level can also make you seem less intimidating, such as by kneeling or even lying on the floor. Avoid looking down at the cat while standing up.
- Use treats to bond with your anxious cat. Treats can help your cat build positive associations with you and its environment. Try offering treats to reward your cat when it approaches you or behaves calmly. You can also put treats around to encourage your cat to explore and get comfortable with the different parts of your home.[7]
- If your cat is nervous about coming near you, try placing a treat in the palm of your hand. Sit quietly with your hand outstretched and see if the cat will come and take the treat from you.
- If the cat is too anxious to get close to you, try tossing a treat to it at a distance. As your cat gets more comfortable, you can toss the treat closer to you.
[Edit]Using Medications and Anxiety Aids - See your vet to rule out any underlying medical problems. Sometimes anxious behaviors can be a sign of a more serious physical condition. If you're worried about your cat's behavior or haven't had any luck with adjusting your cat's home environment, talk to your vet. They can give your cat an exam and try to determine what's going on.[8]
- Many common signs of anxiety, such as irritability, changes in appetite, or urinating outside the litter box, may also be symptoms of illness in cats.
- Let your vet know when the behaviors started and if you've noticed any other symptoms.
- If your vet can't find any physical cause for your cat's symptoms, they may refer you to a feline behavior specialist.
- Try a pheromone spray in your cat's living areas. A pheromone spray, such as Feliway, mimics the soothing scents that cats produce naturally from their facial glands. Your vet may recommend spraying a pheromone spray around your cat's living and sleeping areas or placing a diffuser in rooms where your cat spends time.[9]
- You can purchase pheromone sprays and diffusers online or from pet supply stores, such as Pet Remedy.[10] You may also be able to buy these products directly from your vet's office.
- You can also buy "calming collars" that are saturated with synthetic pheromones. Place one of these on your cat like an ordinary collar so that it can smell the calming pheromones at all times.
- If you use a diffuser or calming collar, check the instructions to find out how often it needs to be replaced.
- Ask your vet about using anti-anxiety medications. If your cat has severe anxiety and other treatment approaches don't work, your vet may prescribe an anti-anxiety medication for your cat. Follow your vet's directions for administering the medication, and don't hesitate to reach out to them if you have any questions or concerns.[11]
- Most anti-anxiety medications work by adjusting the balance of natural feel-good chemicals, such as serotonin and dopamine, in your cat's brain.
- You may need to give the medication for a few weeks before you notice a major difference in your cat's behavior.
- Let your vet know if your cat experiences side effects, such as vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, or difficulty urinating.
- Discuss using a calming supplement for your cat. While there are numerous supplements on the market that claim to treat anxiety in cats, there's not always a lot of evidence for their effectiveness. Before trying a supplement, ask your vet to recommend one that may be safe and effective for your cat. Some supplements that may help include:[12]
- Milk proteins, such as casein or alpha-casozepine. You can get prescription foods or tablets that contain these proteins.
- L-theonine, an amino acid found naturally in tea.
- Cat-safe botanical extracts, such as Magnolia officinalis and Phellodendron amurense.
- Melatonin, a hormone that helps regulate sleep patterns and reduce stress.
- Tryptophan, an amino acid that helps stimulate the production of serotonin.
[Edit]Recognizing the Symptoms of Anxiety - Watch for withdrawal and hiding behaviors. Many anxious cats will run from people and spend a lot of their time hiding. If you hardly ever see your cat, or if it gets skittish and runs away when you try to approach or touch it, that's a good sign that your cat is feeling anxious.[13]
- Your cat may retreat under the bed or hide in a high place, such as the top of a wardrobe or even your refrigerator.
- Make note of your cat being extra clingy. While some cats react to anxiety by hiding, others won't leave your side. If your cat won't stop following you around and pestering you for attention, that may be a sign that it is feeling anxious.[14]
- Some cats suffer from separation anxiety, and may become restless and destructive when you leave them alone.
- Keep an eye out for changes in appetite. If your cat starts eating more or less than usual, this can also be a symptom of anxiety. Keep an eye on your cat's food habits and pay attention to any changes.[15]
- Listen for unusual vocalizations. An anxious cat may yowl, cry, or meow more than usual. Listen for meowing at unusual times, like the middle of the night.[16]
- Like many other symptoms of anxiety in cats, this behavior can also be a sign of a physical illness. For example, yowling at night can be a symptom of a thyroid condition.[17]
- Notice aggressive behaviors. Cats that are anxious may become irritable and lash out at humans or other pets in the home.[18] While it may seem like your cat is being "mean," aggressive behaviors often signal that your cat is feeling stressed and fearful.
- Always consult your vet if you notice sudden or unusual aggressive behavior from your cat.
- Check for problems with using the litter box. Urinating of defecating outside the litter box are common signs of stress or anxiety in cats. In particular, cats that are anxious may spray urine in inappropriate places to try to mark their territory.[19]
- If you notice your cat having litter box issues, contact your vet. These behaviors may also mean that your cat is sick. For example, a cat that urinates outside the litter box could have a urinary tract infection.
- Be mindful of changes in grooming. An anxious cat may neglect its coat, causing it to appear dirty or scruffy.[20] On the other hand, your anxious cat might also overgroom itself, leading to bald or stubbly patches and skin sores.[21] Call your vet if you notice changes in your cat's grooming behaviors, since these can be signs of either behavioral or physical problems.
- For example, a scruffy coat, bald patches, or skin sores can also be signs that your cat has a flea allergy.
- Your vet may be able to prescribe short-term anxiety medications or sedatives to reduce anxiety in high-stress situations, such as a move, a long plane or car ride, or a vet visit.
- If you notice changes in your cat's behavior, try to think of possible triggers, such as the addition or loss of a pet or human family member in the household, or unusual noise or activity in your home.
[Edit]Warnings - Most of the symptoms of anxiety in cats can also be signs of pain, injury, or illness. Don't assume your cat is anxious just because it displays some or all of the common symptoms of anxiety.
- Be patient with your cat. Getting angry at it or trying to force it to overcome its anxious behaviors too quickly will only make your cat feel more stressed and fearful.[22]
[Edit]References |
Nenhum comentário:
Postar um comentário