| How to Speak More Positively Posted: 13 Jan 2021 12:00 AM PST Have you ever caught yourself being so focused on the negative that all the energy drains out of a conversation? You're not alone—our brains are actually wired to hang onto negative thoughts more stubbornly than positive ones.[1] That can make it hard sometimes to speak in a positive way. However, even small changes can make a big difference in the way you speak to yourself and others. [Edit]Building a Brighter Outlook - Smile, even if you don't feel like it. You already know that being happy makes you smile, but did you know that smiling can actually make you happier? Even a fake smile can trick your brain into a more positive state, so whenever you feel a little down, try flashing a quick grin in the mirror. You might just discover it's an easy way to get the mood boost you need![2]
- If you can, try finding something you can laugh at. That will create a true smile where your eyes are engaged, which is even more effective at boosting your mood.
- Slow down so you can really soak up positive experiences. We're all in such a hurry these days that it can be hard to really appreciate the present. Instead of worrying about what you're going to do next, take the time to really be in the moment when you're doing something you enjoy. When you're getting the most out of the positive moments in your life, it will be easier to overcome negative thoughts and speech.[3]
- For instance, if you get a blueberry muffin from your favorite bakery, put your phone down while you eat so you can really pay attention to the flavors in every bite.
- When you go on a walk, try to spot a few things you find interesting or beautiful, like changing foliage or cool architecture.
- This can be hard sometimes, but if you notice you're rushing through one of your favorite things, just remind yourself to slow down a little so you can enjoy it more.
- Start a daily gratitude practice. Push yourself to find things every day that make you happy. The more attention you give to things that you're thankful for, the more likely you are to notice them in your every day life. Over time, this will help you have a sunnier outlook on life, which you're sure to notice in your speech.[4]
- For instance, each night before bed, you might stop and think about something that happened that day that you're grateful for, like a stranger who was kind to you, a friend who was there when you needed them, or a really delicious lunch.
- You can also keep a gratitude journal where you write down a few things every day that make you feel thankful. When things get tough, you can go back and read through your journal for a reminder of the good things in your life.
- Focus on what can go right. When you feel apprehensive about something, you might find yourself focusing on everything that could go wrong. You might also start picturing the worst possible outcome. This is called catastrophizing, and it can actually sabotage your chances before you start. Instead of doing that, try picturing yourself succeeding—you'll have a better chance of getting the outcome you want![5]
- For example, if you're feeling nervous about the first day of school, picture yourself feeling confident, making new friends, and enjoying all of your classes.
- Avoid thinking in terms of "always" and "never." When you're feeling down, it can sometimes be tempting to think that you will always feel that way, or that no one ever listens to you. However, words like that are hard to overcome. Instead, try to reframe them in more of a situational way.[6]
- For example, instead of thinking, "My sister and I never get along," you might tell yourself, "We've been arguing a lot lately. Maybe we should spend some quality time together so we can reconnect."
- Spend time around people who make you feel good about yourself. Unfortunately, there are always going to be people in the world who make you feel bad about yourself, whether it's intentional or not. If you find that you always leave a certain person feeling down in the dumps, try to put a little distance between you. Instead, make it a priority to hang out with people who uplift you and encourage you to think highly of yourself.[7]
- Remember, you can't control what other people do, or even what they think about you. It's better to focus your energy on the positive relationships you have, instead.
- It's not always practical to cut negative people out of your life entirely, at least in the short term. For instance, you may live or work with the person. However, try to limit the time you spend around them, as much as you're able.
- Keep trying, even if you feel discouraged. According to research, your brain doesn't respond as quickly to positive thoughts as it does to negative ones. In fact, to become more positive, you have to train yourself to have 3-5 times more positive thoughts for each negative one. Because of that, it can take a while for your attempts at positive self-talk to really take root—so be patient and don't give up![8]
- Researchers think this is because in prehistoric times, our brains needed to quickly detect and process dangerous situations. Since most of us aren't in constant physical peril these days, that same impulse just leads to anxiety and stress, but it can still be hard to overcome.
[Edit]Practicing Positive Self-Talk - Be compassionate with yourself. When you make a mistake or fall short of a goal, it can be tempting to beat yourself up about it. However, when you tell yourself that you're not good enough or you can't do anything right, you're reinforcing that negativity in your brain. Instead, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and give yourself another chance to succeed.[9]
- For example, instead of saying, "I'm a failure because I got a bad grade," you might say, "I'm disappointed that I didn't do my best on that assignment. I need to study harder next time so I can improve my grade."
- The way you feel about yourself is going to come through in everything you do. Because of that, improving your internal self-talk will impact how you speak to others, as well.[10]
- Make it a habit to reframe negative thoughts as they happen. We all have negative thoughts sometimes—it's perfectly natural. However, negativity tends to grow, and if you embrace that type of thinking, it's going to come out in the way you speak. Check in with yourself every so often, and ask yourself if there's any way to reframe your thoughts into something more positive.[11]
- For instance, if you're thinking, "There's no way I'm going to get that job," you might try replacing that thought with something like, "No matter what happens, I'm so proud that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone!"
- Over time, this will actually help you have less negative thoughts.
- Create a positive mantra that you say to yourself. Getting into the habit of saying kind words to yourself can boost your self-esteem and your overall sense of well-being. Science shows that saying positive words like "love" and "compassion" can actually lower your stress levels. On the other hand, saying negative words like "no" out loud can make you feel more stressed.[12]
- To boost your self-esteem, you might say something like, "I am smart, strong, and capable," in the mirror each morning, for instance.
- Visual reminders can have a similar impact on your brain. Try writing words like "Peace" or "Confidence" on sticky notes and placing them around your bedroom, workspace, or another spot you'll be sure to see them.[13]
- Imagine that you're your own best friend. Every once in awhile, check in with yourself to make sure you're not thinking badly about yourself. If your thoughts are negative, think about what you would say to your best friend if they were talking that way about themselves. What encouragement would you offer? Then, try to apply that same advice to your own thinking.[14]
- For example, if you catch yourself looking in the mirror feeling bad about your reflection, give yourself a best-friend pep talk. Point out some of the features you do like about yourself, and remind yourself of all your good character traits. You could even try on some of your favorite outfits to boost your spirits!
- Look for the silver lining in tough situations. When you're struggling, it can be tempting to magnify the worst parts or a situation. You might also polarize things, where you see them as all good or all bad. However, it's important to try your best to find some bright spot whenever you can, even if it's really hard sometimes. By intentionally focusing on something positive, it will be easier to handle some of the difficult things that happen in life.[15]
- For instance, if you're feeling stressed because you're out of work, you might remind yourself things like, "I'm glad I have extra time to spend with my family right now," or "This is a good opportunity to figure out what I want to do with my life."
- It's okay if you can't find anything good about a situation right away—some things are just really awful. However, you may be able to look back later and see some small good that came out of it, especially if you make a habit of looking on the bright side when you can.
[Edit]Being More Positive with Others - Pause before you speak so you can be more intentional. Don't be tempted to fill up silence with the first thing that pops into your mind. Instead, intentionally pause and think about what you're going to say. That can help prevent you from accidentally reacting in a negative way, even if you're feeling angry or upset.[16]
- Speaking in a slow, deliberate way can help override your brain's natural inclination to think in a negative way.
- Keep your tone of voice positive. Your words aren't the only way negativity can creep into a conversation—the way you say them has an impact, too. When you're speaking, try to listen to how you sound. If you sound annoyed, cynical, or angry, take a deep breath and try to soften your voice a little. It will make you sound more positive, even if the conversation itself is a little unpleasant.[17]
- For instance, if you're agreeing to do something you're a little reluctant about, you might feel inclined to sigh and say, "That's fine," in a grumpy tone. It makes a big difference if you smile and say, "Ok, that's fine!" nicely, instead.
- Talk about some of the happy events in your life. When you're having a conversation with someone, don't just automatically jump into whatever bad news you heard that day. Instead, dig deep and try to think of a funny story or a sweet moment that you can share. Over time, the people around you will start to see you as someone who always brings a positive energy.[18]
- For example, instead of recapping a political argument you read on social media, you might talk about a time you met a famous person, a new trick your dog learned, or one of your favorite childhood vacations.
- Speak your mind without apologizing. If you have something to say, don't kick it off with "I'm sorry, but..." or "I don't want to bother you..." Instead, hold your head up and speak with confidence. Just try to be respectful so you don't offend the other person.[19]
- Apologizing too much can make you seem less confident. That can be perceived by others as a negative trait, especially if you seem like you're down on yourself.
- Use forward-thinking language when someone asks you for help. If somebody comes to you with a request—whether your boss needs a report done or your toddler wants a sandwich—avoid using negative language like "I can't" or "I won't." Instead, focus on what you can do, then find a way to phrase your answer in a way that moves the conversation forward.[20]
- For example, if a coworker asks for your help with an important project, don't say, "I can't do that." Instead, you might say, "I think I can move some things around so I'll be free for an hour this afternoon, if that works for you," or "It will be tomorrow before I have time to work on that."
- Remember, it's okay to say "no" sometimes to avoid stretching yourself too thin! To keep things positive, try helping the person find another solution. For instance, you could say something like, "I have a full schedule this week so I'm not free to drive you to the airport tomorrow. I could give you the number of a car service I use sometimes, if you'd like!"
- Use compliment sandwiches to give feedback. If you need to talk to someone about a behavior they should change, open the conversation with something that they do well. Mention what you'd like to see the person improve, then end by talking about how you can work together to meet that goal.[21]
- This is a strategy often used by leaders in the workplace when they're giving constructive feedback to their employees. However, the same approach can be really helpful when you're dealing with kids or even your spouse.
- For instance, you might say, "Ashley, I love that you had such a great time playing blocks earlier. That tower you built was amazing. But, now you've moved on to putting together a puzzle, and the blocks are spread all over the floor. Let's work together to pick up all the blocks!"
[Edit]References |
| How to Make a Kitchen Look Bigger and Brighter Posted: 12 Jan 2021 04:00 PM PST When it comes to interior design, perception is the name of the game. While you can't magically make your kitchen bigger, you can definitely open and brighten up the space with a few decorative changes. Don't worry—there are plenty of ways to renovate your kitchen without breaking the bank. [Edit]Choose light colors. - Open up your living space by repainting the walls in a lighter color. Dark colors can make your kitchen feel a lot more cramped and crowded. Make your room a little more spacious with a lighter paint color, like off-white, cream, light gray, or light yellow.[1]
- White can be a simple but powerful way to brighten up your kitchen and make it feel a lot bigger. Try adding white to the walls, cabinets, counters, and ceiling to really open up your space.[2]
[Edit]Get brighter bulbs. - Unscrew your bulbs and check the current wattage. Take a peek inside your light fixtures and see if there's a recommended wattage. If the fixture allows it, screw a brighter light bulb in place.[3]
- Warm white light bulbs fall somewhere between 3,000 and 4,000 Kelvin, and offer a cozy lighting option for your kitchen.[4]
- Bright white light bulbs are between 4,000 and 5,000 Kelvin. They're brighter than warm white bulbs, but aren't quite as cozy.
[Edit]Avoid big color contrasts. - Keep your kitchen decor light-colored. Don't mix and match light and dark color schemes in your kitchen. If you're working with a small space, big color contrasts will make your kitchen feel imbalanced and closed-off. Instead, stick to a light color scheme throughout your kitchen, so your room feels a lot more spacious.[5]
- For instance, don't have white kitchen walls with black cabinets. Instead, repaint the cabinets white, or another light color.
[Edit]Use accent lights. - Install lights below your cabinets. Accent lighting adds an extra dimension to your living space, and helps brighten up the central counter space. The extra light cuts out a lot of the lighting contrast, which helps your kitchen feel a bit bigger.[6]
- You can also install lights along the top of your counter to create a similar effect.
- Some under-cabinet lights can be installed with magnetic strips or an adhesive. Other types of lights might need to be screwed into your cabinet, or connected to your wiring system.[7]
[Edit]Get rid of clutter. - Place all of your gadgets and appliances in an assigned place. Extra clutter will definitely make your kitchen feel congested. Thankfully, there's an easy fix—put away all of your tools and supplies as soon you're done using them. The less clutter you have, the more open and expansive your kitchen will look and feel.[8]
- If your kitchen is pretty small, take advantage of creative storage. Hidden storage racks are a great way to store your items without taking up too much space.
[Edit]Pick smaller furniture. - Make the most of your floor space. You can't change the size of your kitchen, but you can change what's in your kitchen. Replace large, clunky tables and other furniture with a small island—this will leave a lot of open floor space, while still giving you a place to get your meals ready.[9]
- You might also like foldable furniture, like a foldable table that you can shrink down when you're not eating.
[Edit]Prioritize natural light. - Take down your curtains or drapes. It may seem a little strange at first, but bare windows can add a lot of light to your kitchen.[10] If you're worried about privacy, hang up a set of sheer curtains that will let plenty of light into the room.[11]
[Edit]Hang up mirrors. - Reflect some extra light into your kitchen with a tasteful mirror. Find some open wall space in your kitchen where a mirror could fit. It doesn't have to be huge—any size mirror will reflect light and add a little life to your kitchen.[12]
- For instance, you might install 2 large mirrors that take up an entire wall of your kitchen.[13]
- You might hang up a small, circular mirror on the wall as a more subtle decoration.[14]
[Edit]Switch to open shelves. - Remove your cabinet doors to open up the space. Closed cabinets can really make your kitchen feel boxed in and cramped. To expand your space a little bit, grab a screwdriver and remove the doors from your cabinets completely.[15]
- If you aren't a fan of open shelving, install glass-front doors on your cabinets instead.
[Edit]Pick out striped wallpaper. - Switch to vertically striped wallpaper so your kitchen looks and feels bigger. Vertical stripes help guide the eye in a vertical direction, which can make your room feel a bit larger.[16]
- If you don't feel like adding new wallpaper, that's totally fine! Long, straight cabinet handles can also create the same effect.
[Edit]Add a white backsplash. - Brighten up your space with a white backsplash. Pick a backsplash made with subway tile or marble, which will reflect a lot of light. Add the white tile above the entire stretch of your countertop, which helps make your room feel a bit brighter.[17]
- If you're on a budget, focus on your backsplash and countertops, rather than your cabinets. It's a good value because those updates will last a lot longer.[18]
[Edit]Play with bold patterns. - Decorate your kitchen with geometric or diagonal patterns. Choose a wallpaper with these types of patterns, or pick out rugs and other furnishings with these designs. Geometric and diagonal patterns draw your eyes in several different directions, which can make your room feel a lot bigger.[19]
- For instance, you might hang up geometric wallpaper, or spread a diagonally-striped rug on the floor.
[Edit]Install reflective surfaces. - Decorate your kitchen with shiny appliances and materials. Add some metallic surfaces to your kitchen, like a stainless steel refrigerator or microwave. You can also add a glass tile backsplash to your kitchen counters, which will reflect a lot of light and brighten up the space.[20]
- Reflected light will make your kitchen feel a lot bigger.
- Don't forget about the hardware! You can make a big impact by updating simply your faucets and drawer pulls.[21]
- If you don't feel like repainting your kitchen, a few colorful accents can really brighten up the space.[22]
- Metal decor is a great way to brighten up your living space.[23]
- If you don't mind spending a little extra money, consider adding pendant lights to your kitchen. These lights dangle down from the ceiling, and can help make your space feel a bit brighter.[24]
- Tall cabinets can help your kitchen feel a little bigger.[25]
[Edit]References |
| How to Do Winged Eyeliner with Eyeshadow Posted: 12 Jan 2021 08:00 AM PST If you love the look of winged eyeliner but are interested in creating a softer, flirtier look, you can absolutely have the best of both worlds. Using eyeshadow instead of eyeliner is the perfect way to make your winged eye look more romantic and gentle while still having the drama and definition. All you need is a favorite color of eyeshadow—black and brown work great, but don't be afraid to branch out to more unique colors—and a thin, angled brow brush. [Edit]Prep Work - Wash away oils and old makeup before doing your makeup. A clean face is important for your foundation, but it's super essential for your eye makeup! When you wash your face, pay attention to your eyelids and the area surrounding your eyes to make sure you rinse away any leftover residue.[1]
- Most people do the rest of their makeup before doing their eye makeup, which is totally fine. Just make sure to start your routine with a clean face.
- Apply eyeshadow primer to keep your winged liner from smudging. Use your fingers, a makeup brush, or a beauty sponge to apply and blend primer over your eyelids and around your eyes. The last thing you want is for your perfectly-applied eye makeup to crease or smudge during the day![2]
- Make sure to get the area outside the corner of your eye where the winged part of your liner will be.
- Set your entire eyelid and the surrounding area with a powder. Apply a light layer of translucent powder with a soft makeup brush. With using both primer and powder, you might worry about your makeup looking cakey, but rest assured that your finished liner is going to look great (and stay in place!).[3]
- Prepping your skin is the best way to create a defined and dramatic look.
- Put on your eyeshadow if you're planning on wearing it. By this, we mean shadow on your eyelids and not the shadow you're going to use to create your winged look. Winged eyeliner looks perfectly fine all on its own, but you can also combine it with a regular eyeshadow style for even more oomph. Wait to put on your mascara until your makeup is all done.[4]
- Start by applying a base color to your lid and then use a slightly darker shade for the crease. This technique adds dimension and makes your eyes pop.[5]
- If you want your brows to stand out, apply a lighter, shimmery shade along your brow bone.[6]
- Check out this great article on how to apply eyeshadow if you're looking for some inspiration.
- Pick a thin, angled brow brush to apply your eyeshadow-liner. With winged eyeliner, it's all about that sharp point and defined edge! Using a thin, angled brush gives you more control over the application and shaping of your winged eyeliner.[7]
- A brush that's too wide, soft, or flexible won't work well for this makeup technique.
- Use matte or shimmery eyeshadow to line your upper lid. Matte shadow works best for a bolder, more defined look, while shimmery eyeshadow will make your winged liner look softer and more delicate. Put a little eyeshadow on your angled brush. Use the sharp edge to gently line your lash line. Create a more "open" eye by stopping about two-thirds of the way across your lid, or go for a more dramatic look by lining the entire thing.[8]
- Some people wait until the end for this step, but it's easier to fix a mistake at the beginning before your wing is in place.
- If your liner tends to smudge near your tear duct, don't bring it fully across your lid. Stop about halfway or two-thirds of the way across.[9]
[Edit]Winging It - Look straight ahead and don't pull your skin to make it tighter. It's easier to apply a winged look if your skin is taut, but that can mess up your edge and make it look strange when it's back to its natural relaxed position. Resist the temptation to pull your skin and instead just relax your face and look straight ahead into the mirror.[10]
- This tip is especially helpful if you have hooded eyelids.
- Draw a slanted line from the outer corner of your eye toward your brow bone. Imagine a line connecting the outer corner of your eye to the end of your eyebrow. Use light pressure as you work so you don't smudge the eyeshadow into your skin, and stop once the tip is as long as you want. Make sure to stop at the same point on either side so your wings look as even as possible. If you have trouble keeping the edge straight (we all do at times!), try one of these hacks:[11]
- Use the bottom edge of a tube of foundation or cream to create a straight line.[12]
- Stick a short piece of tape from your brow bone to the outer corner of your eye. Just keep in mind that this might mess up or smudge your foundation.
- Conversely, some people find it easier to start the winged line out toward the brow line and bring it down to the corner of their eye. In the end, you have to find out which works best for you![13]
- Make a triangle by drawing a second line from the slanted one to your eyelid. Go about three-fourths of the way up the winged line you just made and draw across to about halfway down your eyelid. You can adjust these proportions to make your wing either thinner or thicker, depending on the look you're going for.[14]
- For example, take the line all the way to the inner corner of your eye for a dark, dramatic look.
- If you're nervous about making both sides look even, try lightly tracing the lines with an eyebrow pencil first. You can check that they line up before covering them up with eyeshadow.
- Fill in the triangle you just made with eyeshadow. Add more eyeshadow to your brush if needed. Carefully cover up all the skin in the wing of your eyeliner and add more layers to darken the shading if you want to.[15]
- Try holding the brush closer to the tip for better control.
- Lengthen the wing by dragging it out further with your brow brush. If the length seems good to you, then skip this step. But, if you'd like a little more length for a slightly more dramatic look, it's simple to do! Just be careful that the ends of the two lines blend well.[16]
- The length of your wing is a total matter of preference! Some people prefer a super short wing for just a hint of flair, while others prefer a long, bold look.
[Edit]Final Touches - Clean up the outer edge of your winged eyeliner with your fingernail or Q-tip. Drag your nail right along the edge of your eyeliner, up toward your eyebrow. If you'd rather not touch your face with your hands, a pointed cotton swab works just as well. This essentially sharpens that edge and makes it look super defined.[17]
- If your line looks good to you, there's no need to mess with it!
- Apply highlighter along the edge of the liner if you want it to pop more. If you don't have highlighter, a light-colored eyeshadow will work just as well. Just be careful not to cover up the actual wing accidentally.[18]
- This is entirely optional, but it can give your look just a touch more radiance.
- Curl your lashes and apply mascara to finish your look. If you don't have a lash curler, just skip ahead straight to putting on your mascara. Beautiful, long lashes are the best complement to your winged eyeliner.[19]
- Mascara makes your eyes look more alert.
- Apply a setting spray to lock your look in place. In general, hold the bottle about away from your face, close your eyes, and spritz your entire face. Let it dry completely before getting dressed or heading out for the day.[20]
- Always read the instructions to make sure you're using best practices for your particular product.
- You might want to use hairspray as a kind of DIY setting spray, but you should avoid this. The ingredients in hairspray can irritate your skin and eyes.
- Winged eyeliner is definitely a skilled makeup technique! Don't feel bad if it takes you a while to master it.
- Keep in mind that if you do a winged look with eyeshadow, it probably won't last as long as liquid liner.[21]
- If you made a small mistake, don't panic! Grab a pointed cotton swab and put a little makeup remove on it. Use it to wipe and dab until you're back on track.[22]
- Keep in mind that you can use any color of eyeshadow to make your winged eyeliner. It doesn't have to be brown or black—you can use orange, green, blue, or any other shade that strikes your fancy.
[Edit]Things You'll Need - Eyeshadow primer
- Translucent powder
- Makeup brushes
- Eyeshadow
- Angled brow brush
- Eyelash curler
- Mascara
- Setting spray
[Edit]References |
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