| How to Write a Cover Letter Posted: 29 Nov 2021 12:00 AM PST Cover letters. As much as they require more work, cover letters are a great opportunity to cover qualifications we can't fully explain in our resumes. In addition, they help personalize job applicants to enable them to come across more as real people to potential employers. If you throw together a cover letter in the hopes that nobody will actually read it, you might be missing a chance to land the job. To take advantage of a cover letter's full potential, follow these steps below. You'll find advice on formatting, reviewing, and researching cover letters. You will also find links to three free samples, which you can copy and adapt to your own personal cover letter. [Edit]Sample Cover Letters Here are some well-written sample letters you can copy and use as a starting point. [Edit]Write an Email Cover Letter - Include a salutation. There are a number of cover letters to choose from. And, the greeting you choose will depend on how much information you have about the company.
- Write the first paragraph of your letter. This is where you will mention the job for which you're applying and how you found the job listing. It only needs to be 1 to 2 sentences in length.
- Write the body paragraphs of your letter. Most cover letters will only have 1 or 2 body paragraphs. You don't want to overwhelm the hiring manager or use up a great deal of their time.
- Write the final paragraph of your letter. This will be where you wrap up and discuss how you will proceed with the application. Your final paragraph is your chance to sum up your letter, emphasizing why you'd be great in this position. You'll also talk about how you'll proceed with your application before thanking the manager for their time and signing off.
- End your cover letter with a respectful closing statement.
"Best" or "Sincerely" are both classic options. Also, since you won't be able to sign your email, finish the letter by typing your full name.
[Edit]Write a Paper Cover Letter - Add a letterhead at the top of the letter. Your letterhead should include your full name, address, telephone number, and email address. You can align your letterhead along the left hand margin or place it horizontally across the top of the page with a separating line—a good option if you want it to take up less space.
- Write the recipient's name, address, and the date below the letterhead. It doesn't matter whether you put the date first or last, or how many blank lines you include between them, as long as it looks professional.
- From here on out, use 12-point Arial or Times New Roman throughout the entire letter, set your margins to one inch, and use single spacing. Be sure your font is black, and if you're printing your letter out, use standard-sized paper (8 1/2" by 11").
- Address the recipient. Be sure to refer to the recipient by his or her proper title (Mrs., Mr., Dr., etc.). If you're not sure who the recipient is, write, "To Whom It May Concern:" or "Dear Sir or Madam"; however, it is always best to address a cover letter to a real person to make it look like you're not sending form letters.
- State your purpose in the first paragraph. Tell the employer why you are writing to them in two or three sentences. State the position for which you are applying (or the one you would like to have should it become available).[1]
- You don't necessarily need to include how you became aware of the position unless it was through a mutual contact or recruiting program—in which case you should make the most of the connection.
- If you are writing a letter of interest (also known as a prospecting or inquiry letter) in which you are asking about positions that might be available, specify why you are interested in working for the employer.
- Outline your qualifications in the middle paragraph(s). Make sure to match them to the requirements of the position. If you are writing to inquire about open positions, tell the employer how you can contribute to their bottom line, not what you want to get out of the deal. To do this, use what you have researched about the employer's background and history.
- Include a positive statement or question in the final paragraph that will motivate the employer to contact you. Make this closing paragraph
between two and four sentences. Direct the employer to your enclosed resume and make sure you specify that you're available for an interview. Finish off by thanking the recruiter for their time and consideration, and welcome them to get in touch with you to continue the conversation. - Write an appropriate closing. It's a good idea to thank the reader for his or her time. After that, write "Sincerely," "Respectfully," or "Regards," leave several spaces, and print your name.[2]
- Add your signature. If you will be submitting your cover letter digitally, it's a good idea to scan and add your signature, write it in with a digital writing pad, or make a digital signature stamp with appropriate software.
- Make a notation of the enclosures. If you enclose something, such as a resume, with a letter, you should indicate that the letter contains enclosures by making the notation "Enclosure" or "Enclosures" at the bottom of the letter.
[Edit]Review Your Cover Letter - Spell-check and proofread. If you have a spell-check feature, use it. Some programs, such as Microsoft Word, also include a grammar check that you should use. Proofread your letter yourself.
- Read your letter aloud to hear how it reads. Do not rely on the spelling and grammar checks to catch mistakes.
Consider asking a friend, or even two, to proofread your letter as well. If no one is available to help, another good strategy is to spend some time away from your final draft (a few hours or even a whole day) so that you can return to it with a fresh perspective.
[Edit]Checklist for Preparing Your Cover Letter - Double-check some of the most-overlooked basics before you do anything. While misspelling or misidentifying the name of the company you're applying to isn't the end of the world, it's not exactly starting off on the right foot. Double-check the following:
- The complete name of the company to which you are applying for a job
- The name of the person to whom you are addressing the cover letter
- The address of the person to whom you are sending the letter
- The title of the job for which you are applying and/or its reference number, if it exists
- Ask yourself what skills do you possess that you are not using enough in your current role. Would the ideal candidate for this new role be required to make more use of those types of skills? What opportunities are missing in your current role? Answering these questions will help you explain why you are interested in leaving current position. For example, are you looking for:
- "room for advancement"
- "an opportunity to learn new skills"
- Hammer down your current job or educational position. This may seem like an obvious question, but knowing how to clearly define your current role is a tremendous asset. For example, you could be a:
- "graduate student in environmental science"
- "customer service professional specializing in the high-end retail market"
- Provide a general description of your accomplishments/experiences in the field to which you are applying. For example, you could have:
- "fifteen years of excellent customer service experience"
- "an outstanding background in scientific research and discovery"
- "a solid history of dependability in the automotive industry"
- Identify the assets can you offer to the company to which you are applying. List a few in your cover letter, such as:
- "extensive experience with start-ups"
- "demonstrated ability to solve problems"
- "refined ability to manage teams"
- What will you help the company accomplish, if given the job you desire?
- "increase its bottom line"
- "meet its goal of providing only the best in customer service"
- "expand its customer base and increase its revenue"
- Specify the type of job or level of the position you are seeking. Is it:
- "entry-level"
- "management"
- "senior level"
- Tweak your cover letter depending upon your target. If you are applying for specific jobs then make it as relevant as possible. Include the job reference number and address your cover letter directly to the company contact (if you have their name). Alternatively, if you are applying speculatively you can start with the salutation 'Dear Sirs,' and finish with 'Yours faithfully' rather than 'Sincerely'
- Consider name-dropping if you are confident that the person you know at the company you are applying to will vouch for you. Sometimes a bit of inside help does go a long way, so don't dismiss this option if it is open to you.
- Be concise. Never use two words when one will do. Always strike the word "very" and eliminate the word "that" as much as you can.
- Do not overdo the style elements. Choose a font that is simple but elegant. Avoid uncommon decorative fonts unless you are applying for a job where being quirky is of greater value than being businesslike and the people who are doing the hiring are on board with this philosophy.
- Make sure your cover letter is visually appealing and coordinated with your resume. Use the same personal information block in the heading of your cover letter and your resume. A cohesive resume package is a very attractive selling point. If using paper (i.e., not online), use the same high quality paper for the cover letter as for your resume.
[Edit]Warnings - This is not your autobiography. Keep it well under a page.
- Avoid generic, empty language ("I will bring a depth of experience," or "I believe my qualifications and experience suit the demands of the position"). Be specific and concrete about what you can bring to the position.
- Be careful not to overplay your cover letter's role in the job application process. Yes, a good cover letter is important and a well-written cover letter should help entice the employer to read your resume. Even so, you should still be aware that your resume/CV is the main player, whereas the cover letter's role is a supporting one. If you get the balance wrong and place too much emphasis on the cover letter (making it too long and complex), then it could deter the employer from reading your resume.
- If you're doing a thorough job search, you will get rejected sometimes. If you're not getting rejected, you're not putting yourself out there enough. In addition, if you don't learn to see rejection as a chance to improve your approach, then you'll have a very difficult time getting a job.
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| How to Celebrate Hanukkah Posted: 28 Nov 2021 04:00 PM PST Hanukkah, a wintertime holiday in Judaism, is also known as the Jewish "festival of lights" as its focus is on lighting the eight Chanukah candles during the eight days of the festival. Although not one of the more serious holy days of the Jewish tradition, it is still traditionally celebrated with specific foods and ceremonies.[1] [Edit]Lighting the Menorah - Begin lighting the menorah at sunset or nightfall. Avoid lighting your menorah during the day since it's not per tradition.[2] Instead, wait until sunset on the first evening of Hanukkah, which is the 25th day of the month Kislev on the Jewish calendar. Wait until the sun starts setting or until after nightfall, which is typically 20–30 minutes after sunset, to light your menorah.[3]
- Wait until your family members are home to light your menorah so you can all celebrate together.
- You can light your menorah any time after sunset but no later than a half-hour before dawn.
- Place your menorah near a doorway or in front of a window. If you have the mezuzah, a scroll with portions of the Shema, on a doorpost, then set your menorah on a small table or chair near the opposite side of the doorway. Keep your menorah on a metal or ceramic tray to protect your table. Otherwise, you can set your menorah in a windowsill facing the street so others can see the lights at night.[4]
- Be careful not to put your menorah within of curtains or other flammable material.
- Set your first candle in the far right space. You can place the candle in your menorah at any time during the day, but wait until the evening to light it. Choose a candle that's large enough to burn for at least 30 minutes after nightfall. On the first night of Hanukkah, take one of your candles and place it in the rightmost slot on your menorah. Don't fill any of the other slots yet since you'll add more candles later on.[5]
- You can buy candles specifically made for menorahs and Hanukkah online or in big box stores. Standard menorah candles usually burn for 30 minutes.
- You can also use oil lamps instead of candles.
- While electric menorahs make great decorations around your home, it's tradition to light a candle or oil lamp menorah during Hanukkah.
- Light the shamash candle. The shamash candle, also known as the "servant" candle, is separate from the other Hanukkah candles and used to kindle the others. Wait until you and everyone in your home are gathered around the menorah. Use a lighter or match to start the shamash candle and hold it in your dominant hand.[6]
- Always light the other candles on your menorah with the shamash candle rather than using a match or lighter.
- Recite the menorah blessings. While the shamash candle burns, stand next to your menorah and say the blessings out loud. You only need to recite the blessings if you're the one lighting the menorah. On the first night, there are 3 blessings you'll say to thank God for the Hanukkah miracles. On each of the remaining nights of Hanukkah, you only need to recite the first 2 blessings.[7]
- The first blessing is: Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tsivanu l'hadlik ner shel Hanukkah. (Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us to kindle the Hanukkah light.)
- The second blessing is: Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, she-asah nisim la'avoteinu bayamim hahem bazman hazeh. (Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our forefathers in those days, at this time.)
- The third blessing is: Baruch atah adonai elohenu melech ha'olam, shehecheyanu, v'kiyimanu, v'higiyanu lazman hazeh. (Blessed are You, Lord our G‑d, King of the universe, who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this occasion.)
- Use the shamash candle to light the other candle. Once you recite all of the blessings, hold the flame of your shamash candle against the wick of the candle in your menorah. Wait until the wick catches on fire before pulling the shamash candle away. Set the shamash candle in the slot on your menorah that's raised or in a different row than the Hanukkah candle.[8]
- Keep the shamash candle lit since you may use it to relight the Hanukkah candle if it goes out.
- Sing or recite the Hanerot Halalu hymn. The Hanerot Halalu hymn praises God for the Hanukkah miracles and it's a tradition for you to say it each night. If you're the one lighting the menorah, then you'll recite the hymn in Hebrew. Say or sing the following:[9]
- Hanerot halalu anachnu madlikin, Al hanissim ve'al haniflaot, Al hatshu-ot ve'al hamilchamot, She-asita la'avoteynu, Bayamim hahem, bazman hazeh, Al yedey kohanecha hak'doshim. Vechol shmonat yemey Chanukah, Hanerot halalu kodesh hem, Ve-ein lanu reshut lehishtamesh bahem, Ela lirotam bilvad, Kedai lehodot lihalel, Al nissecha veal nifleotecha, ve-al yeshuotecha.
- When you translate the Hebrew into English, it reads, "We kindle these lights to commemorate the saving acts, miracles and wonders which You have performed for our forefathers, in those days at this time, through Your holy priests. Throughout the eight days of Chanukah, these lights are sacred, and we are not permitted to make use of them, but only to look at them, in order to offer thanks and praise to Your great Name for Your miracles, for Your wonders and for Your salvations."
- Allow the candle to burn for at least 30 minutes after nightfall. While the candle burns, just relax with the members of your household and avoid doing any work. Leave the candles alone while they burn so they don't accidentally go out. If the candle extinguishes and it hasn't been 30 minutes since nightfall, relight it with your shamash candle. If the candle goes out afterward, you do not have to relight it and can throw it away.[10]
- You will put new candles in your menorah every day during Hanukkah.
- Add another candle in the next rightmost slot each day. On the second day of Hanukkah, place another candle in the first slot on the right. Then put a second candle in the slot immediately to the left of it. When you light your menorah, start with the candle that's furthest to the left and work toward the right side. On the following days, add 1 additional candle to the menorah. On the 8th day of Hanukkah, you'll fill every slot in the menorah.[11]
- Remember to recite the first 2 blessings each night of Hanukkah.
- Always use a new shamash candle when you light your menorah.
- Start lighting your menorah before sunset on the Friday before Shabbat. Shabbat is the day of rest and it's forbidden to light a fire after sunset on Friday through nightfall on Saturday. On Shabbat, you also need to light specific Shabbat candles 18 minutes before sunset. Start lighting your menorah before the Shabbat candles on Friday while the sun is still out. Use larger candles since standard Hanukkah candles won't stay lit 30 minutes after nightfall.[12]
- If a candle on your menorah goes out after sunset, don't relight it.
- On Saturday, wait to light your menorah until nightfall so you don't start a flame on Shabbat.
[Edit]Observing Hanukkah Traditions - Tell Hanukkah stories when you sit by the menorah. As you relax with your family around the menorah, you can share the story of how Hanukkah started to explain the holiday to children. You can also share personal stories or experiences you've had with family and friends during Hanukkah. While you don't have to tell stories each night of Hanukkah, it can be a great time to bond with others.[13]
- Recite the Al Hanisim liturgy during daily prayers and grace after meals. Whenever you do your silent daily prayers or say grace after a meal, say, "Al hanissim, v'al hapurkan, v'al hag'vurot v'al hat'tshuot v'al hamilchamot sh'asita lavoteinu bayamim hahem baz'man hazeh." This translates to, "We thank thee also for the miracles, for the redemption, for the mighty deeds and saving acts, wrought by thee, as well as for the wars which thou didst wage for our fathers in days of old, at this season."[14]
- The Al Hanisim prayer is used to give thanks to God for his miracles.
- Spin a dreidel if you want to play a fun game. Gather as many players as you want and give everyone equal numbers of game pieces, such as chocolates, pennies, candies, or nuts. At the start of the round, have everyone put one of their items in the middle to form the pot. Take turns spinning the dreidel and wait until it falls over. Read the symbol on the face-up side and do the following:[15]
- If you spin nun, then you don't take anything from the pot.
- If the dreidel lands on gimel, then you get everything in the pot.
- If you get hey, then you take half of the pieces from the pot.
- When you land on shin, then you need to add a piece to the pot.
- If you run out of pieces, then you're out of the game.
- The person who ends the game with all of the pieces is the winner!
- Give small gifts to children each weeknight. After lighting the menorah, hand out gelt, or small gifts, to any children in your household. You can give things like candies, treats, or small amounts of money for a festive surprise. When you give the children gelt, encourage them to share or donate a small portion of it so they learn more about charity.[16]
- Hand out a larger amount on the fourth or fifth night of Hanukkah since it's tradition.
- Donate extra to charity if you're able to. If you already give money, give out a little extra each day during Hanukkah to show your appreciation and to spread charity. On the Friday during Hanukkah, give double the amount you normally would since you won't be able to donate anything on Saturday since it's Shabbat, or the day of rest.[17]
- It's okay not to give more if you're not financially able to.
- Attend a public menorah lighting if you want to spend time with others. Look online or at community event pages for Hanukkah celebrations to see if they have any public lighting events. Usually, they will light a giant menorah so it's easy for everyone to see. After the lighting, recite blessings, sing hymns, and enjoy food with one another to spread the holiday cheer.[18]
[Edit]Serving Hanukkah Food - Incorporate more oil and dairy into your meals. In the story of Hanukkah, the Maccabees found a small jug of olive oil that miraculously lasted 8 nights after taking back a temple. To honor the miracle, cook and fry foods in oil throughout Hanukkah. Dairy also honors Judith, who saved her village from Syrians with an offering of wine and cheese, so enjoy more foods with milk, cream, and cheese in remembrance of the holiday.[19]
- Any oil will work for cooking and frying.
- Fry latkes in oil for a traditional Jewish meal. Latkes are traditionally potato pancakes, but you can make them with carrots, zucchini, or anything else that fries easily. Finely grate 5 potatoes and 1 onion, and strain out any excess water. Combine the potato mixture with 3 eggs, ⅓ cup (43 g) of flour, 1 tsp (6 g) of salt, and ¼ tsp (0.6 g) of pepper. Heat of oil in a skillet and pour some of the mixture into the pan. Cook each side of your latke for 5 minutes or until it's golden brown.[20]
- This recipe makes 4–6 servings.
- Top your latkes with sour cream or cheese to incorporate dairy into your meal as well.
- Enjoy applesauce with fresh latkes for a sweet and salty dish. You can either buy applesauce from the store or make your own. Try using different varieties of apples to make the applesauce sweeter or more tart. When you eat your latkes, dip them in the applesauce to combine the flavors.[21]
- You can make applesauce earlier in the year and preserve it in jars until Hanukkah.
- Make jam-filled doughnuts covered in powdered sugar for a sweet treat. Jelly doughnuts, or sufganiyot, are traditional sweets fried in oil and stuffed with any jam of your choice. Start by making a dough with milk, sugar, flour, eggs, butter, and yeast, and kneading it until it's smooth. Let the dough rise for 2 hours before rolling it out so it's thick. Cut out rounds and let them rise until they double in size. Then fry each doughnut for 1–2 minutes per side. Use an icing bag or squeeze bottle to put the jelly inside of the doughnut once they're cool.[22]
- Coat the doughnuts with powdered sugar or cinnamon for additional sweet flavors.
- Bake challah if you want a delicious bread. Challah is a braided bread that doesn't contain any butter or milk. Make your bread dough with yeast, flour, sugar, salt, eggs, and oil and knead until it's thoroughly combined. Let the dough rise until it's doubled in size before cutting it into 3–6 equal rope-shaped pieces. Braid the pieces together and let it rise for an hour. Brush the dough with egg whites before cooking it in your oven.[23]
- You can add honey or dried fruit if you want your bread to have a sweeter flavor.[24]
- Don't forget that Hanukkah is a time for fun and enjoyment, so spend time with your friends and family to celebrate.
- Hanukkah can be spelled a number of ways, including Chanukah, Chanukkah, Chanukah, and Hannukah. All are correct, as the word is a transliteration of a word in Hebrew.
[Edit]Warnings - Do not blow the candles out unless it is absolutely necessary. The object is to let the candles burn until they are gone. Unless you are leaving the house and have no one to attend to the candles, let them go for as long as possible. If you're worried about creating a mess, use non-drip candles, or place foil underneath the Hanukkiah.
- Always watch lighted candles carefully. Do not place the Hanukkiah on a ledge, near the edge or a surface, or near anything that might catch on fire. Be sure that small children, long hair, and loose clothing stay away from the flames.
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| How to Be Down to Earth Posted: 28 Nov 2021 08:00 AM PST You want to be more down to earth. People who are considered "down to earth" tend to act humble, practical, and unassuming.[1] This is a way of being, and it is certainly something that you can cultivate. Begin by confronting your ego and looking beyond yourself. [Edit]Working on Your Habits - Consider why you want to be down to earth. Perhaps you want to change your demeanor because your behavior bothers other people. You may seek to reform your habits for the sake of peace or happiness, or to bring your life into greater balance. Perhaps you feel that you are living beyond your means, or that you can't control your feelings, or that you spend too much of your life with your head in the clouds.
- Start small. There is no one way to be "down to earth," and there is no single big change that you can make to immediately become "down to earth." It is a lifestyle, a demeanor, and a label. It is a collection of habits. Thus: if you want to be more down to earth, you'll need to start by changing your habits. Try to identify specific behaviors that do not feel "down to earth," and begin by gradually changing these behaviors.[2]
- There are many ways to be "down to earth." Ultimately, this is a quality that you want to see in yourself, and a quality that you may not find in your current way of being. Start from where you are.
- Hold yourself accountable. It can be hard to stay self-aware, especially when you are evaluating the way that you act on a day-to-day basis. Look for someone that you trust to hold you accountable – a friend, a family member, a teacher, a counselor. Speak frankly with this person about your desire to be more down to earth. Together, identify specific habits and behaviors that you can change to reach your goal. Ask the person to keep an eye on the way that you're acting, and check in with them periodically to review your progress.
[Edit]Being Down to Earth in Your Demeanor - Be humble. Do not inflate your own self-worth. Do not let your identity become wrapped up in wealth, or status, or material things. Remind yourself that other people's needs and perspectives are just as important as your own. You may be better at certain things than most people, but you may not be so good at other things. Let go of the ego, and keep perspective.[3]
- Think before you speak. Slow down and say exactly what you mean. Catch yourself when you are not being mindful of the people around you. Be straightforward and unpretentious. Try not make assumptions about people or situations, and try not to needlessly hurt anyone with your words.[4]
- Learn to express what you want without making demands. Explain yourself, when possible, and ask rather than order. Instead of saying, "Take out the trash," say "Do you mind taking out the trash so that I can keep cooking dinner?"[5]
- Look beyond yourself. Maintain personal hygiene, but seriously consider how much time you spend looking in the mirror. Think about how often you mindlessly check your phone or your Facebook account. Try to spend less energy on your social and physical appearance, and spend more energy on things beyond yourself. Volunteer your time, and go out of your way to help others. Do this until it is second nature.
- Accept people for who they are. Instead of trying to change them or criticize them: try to learn from them.[6] Focus less on how people are different, and more on how people are similar. Try to see the silver lining in every situation.
- Confront hate in your life. If there is someone that you strongly dislike, try to objectively consider why you dislike them. Think about whether they're really doing anything wrong.
- Treat everyone as a human being. There is no reason to feel inferior or superior. Try to treat people on the basis of character, not personality.
- Listen to people. Be present and attentive, and don't just wait for your chance to speak. Value someone's right to speak, even if you do not agree with what they're saying. Never turn your back on people or interrupt them while they're talking. Respect people as you would like to be respected.[7]
[Edit]Leading a Down to Earth Lifestyle - Keep the big picture in mind. Try to not to get too tangled up in the details. Remind yourself that things will work out one way or another, and that even the worst of situations will eventually pass. Don't give up on the important things, but try to recognize the details that are merely distracting you.[8]
- Lead a simple life. Separate your needs from your wants, and try to focus on the things that are truly important. Consume only what you need, and be mindful of how much waste you produce. Live within your means, whatever that means for you.
- Avoid overspending. Buy things for their practical function, not for how they look or how they will make you look.
- Simplify. Go through your possessions, and sell or donate the things that you don't use or need. Stop holding onto things just because they're "yours."
- Live in accordance with your values. Connect with the people, the places, and the causes that are important to you. Care about the planet, the future, and the people in your life. Learn to live a more environmentally friendly lifestyle, and think seriously about your impact.
- Be grateful for what you have. Appreciate how wonderfully lucky you are to be alive, breathing, and growing in this moment. Show your gratitude for the people who make your life worth living: friends, family, loved ones, acquaintances.
- Accept your life for what it is. Don't give up on your dreams and aspirations – but do not try to make a fantasy a reality.
- Cultivate a gratitude practice. Make a habit of thanking people and complimenting people. Every morning, write down five things for which you are grateful.
- Be patient and thoughtful. Accept the things that you cannot change, and work to thoughtfully change the things that you cannot accept. Be aware of your surroundings, particularly the way that your behavior affects the way that other people feel. Don't be afraid to wait, or to go with the flow.
- Sit and listen to music for a while. It will calm you down.
- Getting a good therapist may help you become more down to earth.
- Learn how to play a musical instrument. This can help you express yourself in beautiful ways.
[Edit]Warnings - Don't become too detached when trying to be down to earth. You still should be able to maintain connections with others.
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| How to Take Compliments Posted: 28 Nov 2021 12:00 AM PST Congratulations! You've earned somebody's respect and admiration. What do you say to that? If you're flustered by praise, it's time to learn how to take a compliment at face value and appreciate the sentiment. Refuse the urge to put yourself down or minimize your efforts. Instead, acknowledge the compliment and say thank you. After all, you're worth it, right? [Edit]Responding to Compliments - Simply say, "Thank you." Don't overthink it or read into anyone's comment. If someone pays you a compliment, the easiest response is just to say "thank you."[1]
- For example, if someone compliments your outfit (yet you think you look sloppy), simply say, "Thank you."
- Don't look for "hidden meanings" or make your own interpretations of the compliment to diminish it. Accept it at face value. For example, someone may say, "Your hair looks great today!" Don't take that to mean your hair doesn't look great every other day.
- Express your gratitude. Whether you agree with the compliment or not matters very little. The other person's motivations also matter very little. Acknowledge that somebody spent a moment saying something nice about you and accept that moment graciously.[2]
- For example, if someone compliments your dog's good behavior, say, "That's kind, thank you."
- Give credit where credit is due. If someone pays you a compliment yet other people were involved, give them credit as well. This is especially important when receiving recognition. Give credit to anyone who helped you or contributed.[3]
- For example, if you are serving a meal that your sister helped prepare, make sure to include her when accepting a compliment. Say, "Thank you, Abby and I worked on it together. We're so glad you enjoyed it."
- Return a compliment. Remember when a person has complimented you and note that it's nice and courteous to return it. While you don't need to immediately say something nice, do keep in mind their compliment and find something to compliment them on as well. Take note of the things people do and show them recognition.[4]
- Get into the habit of making regular compliments through seeing the good in others and expressing this openly.
- People appreciate being acknowledged for hard work and kind gestures. Show that their kindness does not go unnoticed.
- Be gracious. Many people worry about appearing overly confident or stuck up when receiving compliments. The trick is to accept the compliment as is. Saying, "I know, thank you" can come across as rude, even though you're acknowledging your own abilities. Focus on being gracious, warm, and receptive.[5]
- For example, if you worked hard on your presentation and you know you nailed it, you don't have to say so when complimented. You can, however, acknowledge your hard work by saying, "Thank you. I worked so hard and it's nice to hear you enjoyed it."
- Demonstrate appropriate nonverbal behavior. Show that you are receptive to the compliment through your body language. Maintain steady eye contact and indicate interest and engagement through your facial expression. Crossing your arms may indicate that you're not receptive or that you're skeptical.[6]
- When taking a compliment, smiling says a lot without requiring you to say anything.
- Respond to a backhanded compliment. A backhanded compliment is an insult disguised as a compliment. For example, "Your holiday decorations look great -- I'm always amazed at what you do with so little money." Responding to a backhanded compliment can be tricky. If someone gives you a backhanded compliment, assess what they might mean from it. If they are seeking attention or sympathy, feel free to ignore it or respond to the positive part of it only. If the person appears genuinely clueless in their misstep, just say thank you and move on.
- For example, a family member might give you a backhanded compliment for your recent marriage. Instead of taking offense, just say "Thanks, Aunt Maude!"
- If the person is seeking attention (for example, saying, "You look nice today. Why don't you dress this way more often?") respond to the positive part. Say, "Thank you for noticing."
[Edit]Being More Receptive to Compliments - Own your strengths. If you shy away from compliments because you don't want to appear conceited or full of yourself, recognize that you deserve recognition. It's not conceited to accept a compliment. If someone points out that you look nice or did a great job on a project, acknowledge that you put work into it and that they are recognizing you.[7]
- For example, if you put a lot of work into a presentation and someone says, "Great presentation!" acknowledge your hard work by saying, "Thanks! I worked hard on it."
- Avoid disconfirming the compliment. You might feel tempted to disagree with the comment as a way to appear humble. However, by saying things like, "It was nothing" or, "Don't mention it," you downplay your role, the compliment, and the person giving it. Besides, the person might feel rejected if you disagree.[8]
- For example, if someone compliments your clean house, resist the urge to say, "I haven't cleaned in a week. It looks horrible!" This might make them feel bad or that you think they are sloppy.
- See yourself the way that others see you. Take a moment and reflect on the compliments you receive. Whether you believe them or not, take the chance to see how others see you. You might learn something about yourself or the work you do and feel more positively.[9]
- For example, if you often receive compliments about your job performance, that means that other people are noticing the great work you do.
- Understand that your self-evaluations will tend to be harsher or more demanding than other people's evaluations of you. If you find yourself constantly second-guessing compliments, maybe there is something you need to change about your self-evaluations.
- Boost your self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself, you may feel good when someone else notices something positive about you. Increasing your self-esteem can make you less resistant to compliments.[10] Do this by thinking positively about yourself and recognizing your worth.[11]
- For example, write down the things you like about yourself and think about them when you feel low.
- Don't change the topic without acknowledging the compliment. If they took the time to compliment you, it was likely genuine and should be handled as such.
- Keep it brief. Don't try to fill a loss for words with a lot of extra words that don't belong.
- Remember that you are just as entitled to receive compliments as everyone else. Don't try to shy away from them.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Love Someone the Way They Need Posted: 27 Nov 2021 04:00 PM PST We all express and receive love in different ways. What works for you might not work for your loved one, and vice versa. If you're struggling to love someone the way they need to be loved, don't worry—you're not alone. Read through these tips to learn how you can get to know your partner more and show that you love them in a meaningful way.
This article is based off an interview with clinical psychologist, Sarah Schewitz, PsyD, founder of Couples Learn. Check out the full interview. [Edit]Communicate consistently. - Be sure you're staying open and honest with your loved one. Ask them what kind of love they need and what they'd like to see from you in the future. It might be a little tough to hear now, but it will drastically improve your relationship. Try asking questions like:[1]
- "What do I do that makes you feel loved?"
- "How do you want me to express my love?"
- "What can I do to make you feel more loved on a daily basis?"
[Edit]Ask your partner how they want to feel. - Love might feel different for your partner than for you. For instance, you might like feeling like the center of attention, while your partner prefers to hang out in the background. Or, you might like seeking thrills and adrenaline rushes, while your partner prefers to have a calm, quiet night in. Aim for the mood that your partner wants to be in.[2]
- You might ask them by saying, "How do you want to feel this weekend?" or, "What vibes are we going for on your birthday?"
- You can also ask how your partner's family shows love to get an idea of what their used to. Say something like, "What did your parents do growing up that made you feel loved?" If their family showed love with praise, try praising them more often.
[Edit]Listen to the details they give you. - When someone tells you what they need, believe them. Asking questions and communicating is important, but it won't do any good if you aren't actively listening and adapting your behavior. As you and your loved one talk about what they need, really take it in, and listen to them attentively.[3]
- It might even be helpful to write down what they're saying so you really lock it into your brain.
[Edit]Tell your partner why you love them. - This is a words of affirmation approach to love. Try telling your partner exactly why you love them or what you appreciate about them, and don't be afraid to get specific. If this is how your partner wants to be loved, they'll probably be touched or let you know how much they appreciated your words.[4]
- If you aren't super good at saying your thoughts out loud, try writing them down or sending them in a text instead. It's the actual content that counts!
[Edit]Try giving your partner gifts. - Your partner's love language might be gift giving. If they really appreciate it when you bring them home a souvenir or grab them a snack from the grocery store, this is probably the way to go. It's not about how big or expensive the gift is, it's about the thought behind it.[5]
- Your partner might also appreciate homemade gifts or something that shows you were thinking about them when they weren't around.
[Edit]Touch them more if they respond to affection. - Some people receive love through physical touch. If that's your partner, they might like a long hug after a long day or holding hands in public. Make sure you touch your partner throughout the day, and try not to make every physical touch sexual.[6]
- You could also pat them on the arm, rub their back, or give them a foot massage.
[Edit]Do things to help your partner out. - Acts of service can show your partner you love them. If your partner really likes it when you pick up around the house or do the dishes, their love language is probably acts of service. Try doing more chores after your partner has had a hard day to make them feel loved.[7]
- You might also do things that your partner really hates. For instance, if they can't stand doing the laundry but you don't mind it, show your love by taking over that chore.
[Edit]Spend quality time with each other. - Quality time means a lot to many people. If quality time is your partner's love language, make an effort to plan dates and spend time together just the two of you. Stay off your phone and really try to connect with your partner while you're together.[8]
- Oftentimes, people spend a lot of time with their partner, but it isn't quality time. Make sure you actually connect with each other and talk about things besides chores, kids, or responsibilities.
[Edit]Express how you want to be loved. - It might give your partner a better idea of what they need. If, for instance, you really like it when your partner does a few chores or cleans up around the house, you can tell them that you appreciate their acts of service. The more you express how you feel, the more comfortable they'll feel letting you know about their own needs.[9]
- Or, maybe you really like it when your partner gets specific about the reasons why they love you. That means you probably like words of affirmation.
- Say something like, "I really love it when you give me a long hug or grab my hand in public. It makes me feel like you really care, and it makes me feel closer to you."
[Edit]Get feedback from your partner. - If you're making an effort, check in to see how you're doing. Maybe you can ask your partner once a week about what you did well and what they still need from you. Try not to take any negative feedback personally—your partner's only telling you so that you can both be happier.[10]
- You might say something like, "This week I really made an effort to communicate my love with words. How do you feel?"
- If you're having a hard time figuring out what your loved one needs from you, a mental health professional may be able to help.
[Edit]References |
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