| How to Make Up with Your Partner After a Fight Posted: 04 May 2022 05:00 PM PDT It's normal to fight with a partner, but how do you make up afterward? It's important to be mature in how you handle a fight. This means taking responsibility for your actions and apologizing for any wrongdoing. Communicate openly with your partner and make sure to be an effective listener. When moving past the fight, give your partner positive attention and show that you're willing to make changes for the benefit of your relationship. [Edit]Doing Your Part to Make Up - Stop the argument so that you can resolve to make up. Avoid holding grudges or letting the argument spill over into a new day. Make a resolution together to end the conflict. Mutually agree to make up so that you can both begin to heal.[1]
- Acknowledge your role in the argument. Recognize that regardless of what the fight was about, you played a role in it. Be humble and admit where you went wrong. Leave out the "but" or "you should have" and focus on how you contributed to the fight.[2]
- For example, you may have snapped at your partner or talked over them when they needed you to listen.
- You can say, "I made assumptions without hearing you out first. I didn't listen to you, and I admit that was wrong of me."
- Deal with your anger. Fights often lead to anger and upset. If you are angry, recognize that you are in control and that your partner does not "make" you angry. Take steps to help calm your anger, such as deep breathing. Think about what causes your anger and try and see the big picture.[3]
- Journal your feelings to help you explore them and understand them better. For example, if you're upset that your partner didn't call you, write about your experience and how it made you feel. You might discover that your anger is really about feeling neglected or wanting more attention.
- Put the relationship first. If being right is more important than having a harmonious relationship, it's probably time to soften and let go. Instead of focusing on why you are right, focus on understanding your partner's perspective. Be curious about what they think and say and remember that your relationship is more important than being right.[4]
- For example, instead of saying, "I know I'm right and you're wrong," say, "I understand my viewpoint, but I don't understand yours. Can you elaborate?"
- Remember that you are both on the same team. Neither partner in the relationship necessarily needs to accept full blame, and you should both work together to find a resolution.[5]
- Apologize for your wrongdoing. Express your understanding of what you did, then express your regret for doing it. Show empathy by acknowledging their emotions and how you impacting them. Specifically, say "I'm sorry" so that your partner knows you are explicitly apologizing for your wrongdoing.[6]
- For example, say, "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's unkind of me to yell, and I know it makes you feel disrespected. I feel bad about yelling at you, so I apologize."
- Forgive your partner. Don't hold a grudge against your partner. Tell your partner that you forgive them and do not want to harbor negative feelings toward them or the relationship. You can also write a letter to your partner saying that you forgive them. Let them know that you are letting go of grudges and leaving the past in the past.[7]
- Forgiveness doesn't mean that you forget what happened or that it didn't matter. It's a way to release your negative emotions and choose a new beginning. Forgiveness doesn't happen all at once, it's a process.
[Edit]Moving Past the Fight - Take some space. Time away from your partner can help both of you clear your heads and calm down. Be clear in your actions by communicating your need for space. Before taking space, agree to meet up or speak within a few days so that the issue doesn't linger on. This will allow both of you to sort through your emotions and come to solutions on your own. It will also let your partner know you don't intend to break up.[8]
- For example, if you live together, consider going away for a day or a weekend on your own or spending some more time outside of the house. If you do not live together or are long distance, agree not to communicate for a short period of time, like a day or two.
- Set boundaries. When making up, it's important not to start the fight all over again. One way to do this is to set boundaries. You might decide to only discuss solutions or shut down any statements that are hurtful or blaming. The boundaries you set should be agreed upon by both people in order to keep the conversation positive and moving forward.[9]
- For example, agree to not yell at each other or call each other names. If your discussion gets heated, it might be time to take a break or talk about it later.
- Listen to your partner with an open heart. Once you're able to talk about the fight with your partner, put your focus into listening. While it's easier to think about what you want to say or defend yourself, shift into making your priority understanding your partner. Avoid interrupting or thinking about what you will say while they are speaking. Instead, give your full attention, make eye contact, and affirm your understanding.[10]
- For example, summarize their statements when they finish by saying, "What I hear you saying is that you'd like me to communicate my feelings better to you."
- Avoid absolute language like "always" and "never."
- Resist the urge to be "right." Instead, be humble and listen to your partner's side of the issue. Acknowledge that they may be right about some things too.
- Support your partner's emotions. If your partner is angry, support them in their process and help them to feel calm. If your partner expresses how they feel to you, hear them out and don't interrupt. Let them express their emotions, even if you think they are outrageous or uncalled for. If your partner feels heard, this can help bring closeness and understanding.[11]
- Let your partner speak and try to understand how they feel. Make your goal to understand, not judge or dismiss their feelings.
- Communicate your thoughts and feelings. When you express yourself, do so intentionally so that your partner can relate and understand you. One way to do this is by using "I" statements, which shift the focus to how you feel instead of what your partner did. When you want to blame or criticise your partner, stop and instead, state how you feel.[12]
- For example, say, "I felt hurt that you made dinner for your friend but not for me." This feels less threatening than saying, "You left me out and only thought of your friend."
- You can follow your statements up with what you want. For example, say, "I felt left out. I'd like to feel included in the future."
- Find common ground. Start with what you both agree about and work from there. If you're struggling to find common ground in this particular argument, remember that you both love each other. That can be your common ground.[13]
[Edit]Repairing the Relationship - Act on their feedback. If your partner gives you constructive feedback following a fight, act on it. This shows that you listened to them and want to make positive changes. Recognize that you're not perfect and that there are areas where you (and your partner) need to improve. Swallow your defensiveness and make the effort to follow through.[14]
- For example, if your partner asks you to help out with chores, do them without having to be asked. Take the garbage out, buy groceries, and anticipate the needs of your partner and the home.
- You shouldn't have to bend over backward or give up your life to please them. Feedback should feel constructive and not overwhelming or controlling.
- Give your partner positive attention. The sooner you two can experience some form of joy and lightheartedness, the better. Actions that create genuine positive feelings will help you and your partner feel connected. Give your partner positive attention in ways that are meaningful to them. Backing away after a fight can lead to distance between you, which, over time, could end your partnership.[15]
- For example, tell them how attracted you are to them, take them on a date, or cook them dinner.
- Share affection. Affection can help foster feelings of connection with you and your partner, which is especially helpful after a fight. Hold your partner's hand, put your arm around them, or touch or caress their leg. Make sure you touch your partner in a way that they enjoy.[16]
- Affection can also lower stress levels, so both you and your partner benefit from touch.
- Do something fun together. It's important to repair your friendship as well as your romantic relationship. Plan a fun date together. Go out to your favorite restaurant, take a hike, or go to a museum. Do something that you both enjoy doing.
- Make a grand romantic gesture. If it was a major fight and you're having a hard time reconnecting with your partner, a romantic gesture may be just the thing. Buy your partner a gift that they want or make an appointment for a massage. If you want to go big, book a trip together or take them on their dream date. The gesture should make your partner feel cared for and loved.[17]
- A romantic gesture, however, does not take the place of an apology or a solution to your problems.
- See a couples' counselor. If you and your partner are committed to each other yet can't find a way to work through a fight, couples' counseling may help. A couples' counselor can help with negative communication, growing distance, resolving differences, and repairing positive feelings for one another. Seeing a counselor can be a difficult decision, but keep in mind that counseling can help your relationship heal and grow.[18]
- Be willing to seek counseling early instead of leaving it as a last resort. Getting help and support are signs of strength, not weakness.
- Find a couples' counselor by contacting your insurance provider or a local mental health clinic. You can also seek a recommendation from a friend or do an internet search for a therapist close to you.
- Accept the changes in your relationship. After a fight, you may see your partner differently or feel like you've seen a different side of them. It's normal to move past the "honeymoon stage" in relationships and recognize that your partner is a normal person, flaws and all. If the fight changed your relationship or your perception of your partner, accept these changes without holding them against your partner. The fight may introduce a new dynamic in the relationship, so be willing to be flexible with these changes.
- Some couples yearn to go back to "the way it was." However, it's important to realize that relationships evolve and shift, so it's best to accept the relationship and create positive experiences to move forward.
- Use the experience as a learning experience to help you strengthen your relationship in the future.
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| How to Quit Caffeine Posted: 04 May 2022 09:00 AM PDT Caffeine can help us feel more awake and alert, but too much for too long can be bad for our health. Quitting caffeine to reset your body and move away from the highs and lows of caffeine can be difficult, but most people feel the benefits of a caffeine-free life fairly quickly. If you have just consumed too much, you can get caffeine out of your system, but that's different than quitting caffeine for good. Caffeine is a drug, and like any drug, in order to free yourself from addiction, you have to be committed to your plan of action and be ready for the withdrawal symptoms and a serious dip in your energy levels. [Edit]Preparing to Stop - Get mentally ready. Do you love the taste of your caffeinated drink and the jolt of energy it can give you? Most people drink caffeine for one or both of those reasons, but too much caffeine can do serious damage to your system. If you're constantly sipping on your caffeinated drink of choice, it's probably time to slow down and help your body return to a more normal state. Up to 400 mg a day is okay, but any more is too much. FYI, 400 mg of caffeine is equal to the amount in 4 or 5 cups of coffee.[1]
- Think of the benefits. If you are drinking more than 3 caffeinated drinks per day, your health might be affected. In moderate doses, caffeine is healthy, but larger amounts can cause serious problems. Some of negative side effects of long-term caffeine use include:[2]
- Anxiety
- Insomnia
- Ulcers
- Headaches
- Irritability
- Dizziness
- Muscle tremors
- Weakness
- Fatigue
- Irregular heart rate
- Low blood pressure
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Choose a replacement beverage. If caffeinated drinks are an essential part of your day, you might need a replacement. Drink more water—it is the healthiest and best choice. Switch things up with green tea, fruit-infused water, or sparkling water, but steer clear of sodas, many of which are caffeinated.[3]
[Edit]Quitting Slowly - Start phasing out caffeine. It's best to start small when quitting caffeine. Slowly decreasing the amount you ingest can minimize your withdrawal symptoms.[4] Try cutting your caffeine consumption in half the first week. Then, cut it in half again for the second week. You might also switch to half-caf, then decaf, then switch to a non-caffeinated beverage altogether.[5]
- Allow lots of time for rest and recuperation. Giving up caffeine can be pretty stressful for your mind and body. You might experience withdrawal symptoms like anxiety or nervousness and headaches.[6] Make time to relax and remind yourself that these symptoms are temporary.
- Drink water. Caffeine is a diuretic that can cause you to lose fluid and can lead to dehydration, especially in warm weather or if you're exercising intensely. Too much caffeine along with not enough water intake can easily lead to dehydration which causes numerous health issues. Make sure to stay hydrated by drinking water throughout the day.[7]
- Make it hard to drink caffeine. Allocate your caffeine money at the beginning of the week, so that if you over-consume it at the beginning of the week, you will have nothing to fall back onto at the end of the week. If you allocate less and less caffeine money as you go on, you will gradually reduce your intake.
- Don't go at it alone. Find someone to quit with you. If you can't find that kind of support, promise to someone whom you love and respect that you will quit caffeine. Thus, consuming caffeine in any form will make you break your promise, and this will provide you with another incentive to stay on the wagon.
- Even just telling a friend that you are trying to cut out caffeine can help to provide you with some support. Try sending a daily text or calling a friend daily to update them on your progress.
[Edit]Recovering from Caffeine Cravings - Be ready for withdrawal symptoms. Depending on how much caffeine you drank, your body might be at risk of getting a shock with the change from daily caffeine to no caffeine. The following caffeine withdrawal symptoms are possible and can last for a few days after you have stopped ingesting caffeine:[8]
- Fatigue and sleepiness
- Headaches
- Irritability
- Nausea
- Difficulty concentrating
- Get plenty of rest. For many of us, caffeine is a way to combat too little sleep and a lack of energy during the day. Make sure as you are quitting caffeine that you have made it possible to sleep as much as you need each night—this will help your body reset and get used to your new caffeine-free system.[9]
- Limit your alcohol consumption. This, along with drinking plenty of water, is especially important during the first few days as your body is adjusting. Alcohol can dehydrate you and it's also a depressant.[10] This means that drinking could increase your cravings for the upside in caffeine the next day.
- Find positive distractions. As your body is withdrawing from caffeine, come up with ways to keep your mind off it. Think in advance when your weakest moments are likely to be (i.e. in the morning, when you're driving by your favorite cafe, etc.) and turn to a comfort item to get you through these times. This can be anything that comforts you and helps you take your mind off of caffeine. It could be a stuffed toy, a pocket video game, calling your best friend, or doing a crossword puzzle. You can have as many security blankets as you need, just make sure you always have one close at hand.
[Edit]Increasing Your Energy Without Caffeine - Listen to your favorite up-tempo songs. If you can listen to music at work, why not put on some tunes that will get your heart pumping and make you want to dance? It's a surefire way to beat the mid-afternoon slump. Plus, listening to up-tempo music while you exercise can even increase your endurance![11]
- Get moving. Believe it or not, exercise actually increases your energy and can be a healthy alternative for you if you've decided to quit caffeine. Try taking a brisk 20-minute walk instead of having a cup of java.[12]
- Use natural lighting. Your body responds naturally to changes in light, so if it's unnaturally dark where you're working or sleeping it may make staying alert a lot harder. Conversely, if you keep on too many lights, your body won't be able to tell when it's truly tired—and you will need more rest while you're quitting caffeine. Try keeping your blinds or window coverings open so that natural light can signal to you when it's time to wake and sleep. Plus, natural light can increase alertness, mood, and productivity![13]
- Stop slouching. Slumping down at your desk isn't doing you any favors in the alertness category. Sitting up, in an ergonomically friendly way, can make you feel more alert and ready to work. Consider standing up while you work or bring a yoga ball to the office to sit on. Why not include a sit-in workout to increase your energy level? [14]
- If you wish to reintroduce caffeine into your diet on a non-addicted basis, limit yourself to one cup of tea or coffee every other day, preferably in the morning and no later than early afternoon. Caffeine addiction is often born out of habit, so, therefore, don't slip back into the habit of reaching for a tea, coffee, or Diet Coke whenever you feel like it.
- If you give in, don't give up! Step down one rung on the ladder rather than just jump off. Maybe that's all you need if you were pushing yourself too hard.
- Kicking the habit all at once may work well for some, even with the symptoms. Feeling the headache and fatigue can actually demonstrate just what the caffeine is doing to your system. It does also give some an important sense of accomplishment since some people may not notice the difference when giving it up gradually.
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| How to Care For Unmanageable Hair Posted: 04 May 2022 01:00 AM PDT Does your hair have fly aways and a rough texture? Is it uncontrollable and filled with tangles and matted bits? Frizzy and unmanageable hair means your hair is lacking in moisture.[1] Frequent hair salons, eat a proper diet, and take care of your hair like a pro at home. [Edit]Managing Hair Basics - Wash your hair. Squeeze a dime-sized amount of shampoo for short hair and a quarter-sized amount for longer hair. Use cool water when rinsing off shampoo and conditioner. How often you will wash your hair depends on hair thickness, scalp oiliness, and personal preference.[2]
- Wash your hair with a sulfate-free shampoo every 2-3 days if you have curly hair.[3]
- Wash your hair with a volumizing shampoo for finer hair, straight hair.[4]
- Maintain regular washing with shampoo once or twice a week, and co-wash (use conditioner to wash only) on other days for curly, relaxed ethnic hair.[5]
- Squeeze moisture from hair after shampooing. Pat dry with a clean towel, and comb it thoroughly. Don't brush when it is dry as it will cause more frizz.[6] Treat your hair like you would your favorite sweater.
- Keep in mind that wringing out moisture, towel drying, and blowdrying can be damaging to your hair. Do this gently.
- Trim your hair regularly. Even a month or every six weeks makes all the difference in the health of your hair.[7] If you are trying to let your hair grow out, nip the damaged and split ends for health just the same. You will still gain length! Hair that is allowed to grow untrimmed will eventually start to break at the ends from wear, and you will lose hair faster than it can grow.
- Short hair should be trimmed every 4-8 weeks to maintain your style and cut.[8]
- Medium length hair should be trimmed 6-12 weeks.[9]
- Long hair should be trimmed every 8-12 weeks.[10]
- Get a low-maintenance haircut. Find a style that fits your face shape and your hair type, and get runway ready in 10 minutes or less!
- Thicker hair types should choose to maintain long hairstyles at least below your shoulders, as short cuts can poof out and appear frizzy. You should also ask your stylist for long layers around your face to create a flattering shape.[11]
- Thin hair should avoid layers and embrace an easy one length cut. Any length is fine, but make sure you don't add bangs![12]
- If your hair is curly, opt for an angular lob that is longer in the front than in the back. You should also ask your stylist for layers to thin out your hair.[13]
- Wavy haired styles can go either any length. Just make sure to ask for layers and touch up any frizz with your favorite styling product.[14]
- For straight hair, well-blended layers and long locks are your best friends.[15]
- Take hair vitamins and maintain a nutritious diet. Lacking a good diet can lead to anemia, fatigue, weakness, constipation, loss of appetite, and weight loss.[16] Drink water to hydrate yourself. Eat foods rich in in B12.
- Some foods you can include are meat, fish, poultry, milk products, and eggs.
- For vegetarians and vegans, your fortified breakfast cereal often includes part of the daily dietary guidelines.
[Edit]Managing Curly or Dry Hair - Use the right tools and processes. Use deep moisturizing shampoos and conditioners. Layer light de-frizzing products at every stage in your grooming process rather than using one heavy product at a time. Use a wide-toothed comb instead of a brush. Never brush your hair when wet.[17]
- Comb your hair starting from the ends to your roots. This will help you manage tangles better.[18]
- Use conditioner and moisturizing products liberally. If your hair is very dry, lacks oils, and extremely unmanageable, you do not need to use shampoo. If you use shampoo, choose a sulfate-free shampoo and concentrate on lathering it onto your scalp. Allow it to rinse off to the ends of your hair. If your hair ends up being over-hydrated and greasy, decrease the amount of and frequency of conditioner.[19]
- Apply deep conditioner to your hair once a week before you shower. Protect it with a shower cap. The steam from the shower will be enough.[20] Move on to wash your body, shave, and whatever else you need, then rinse out your hair with cool water as normal.
- Instead of drying your hair after your shower, apply conditioner in your hair while you're still in the shower. Comb your hair afterwards, and don't rinse the product out.[21]
- Air dry or use a diffuser. It is best to air-dry to minimize frizz; if you must, use a diffuser attachment on your blow dryer at a medium to low setting.
- You may also try using a t-shirt to dry your hair instead of a towel. Towels tend to absorb too much of the moisture your hair needs. The smoothness of the t-shirt allows you to leave as much as naturally possible.[22]
[Edit]Managing Straight or Greasy Hair - Use shampoo and conditioner rich in protein and glycerin. These ingredients help protect your hair from breakage.[23]
- Never skip conditioner, and consider using only conditioner to wash your hair two days a week. Conditioners include small amounts of surfactants, which shampoo uses to clean your hair.
- The conditioner will still clean your hair without stripping it of natural oils.[24]
- Protect your hair. Use sprays that will coat your damp hair with a molecule called OFPMA. this will protect your hair up to 450 degrees and help decrease the frizz.[25]
- Use argan oil if you have thicker hair.
- Air-dry and use a cool blow-dry setting. Ideally, you should allow your hair to air dry 90% of the way before you blow-dry. Too much hot hair can dehydrate your hair.[26]
- When drying, keep the nozzle facing down on your hair, otherwise it can cause unnecessary frizz.[27]
- Straighten your hair minimally, and reduce heat exposure. Ironing causes a circular problem. You may desire to straighten it, but the heat causes even more frizz. If one section of your hair is more curly than the rest, like your hairline, try to straighten only the "problem" areas. Use a good ceramic round brush to straighten the rest to minimize heat exposure.
- Invest in good straightening tools. Ensure that your flat iron has a thermostat, and use minimum heat to straighten your hair. Stay in a range of 200-350 degrees.[28]
- Do not straighten the same parts over and over again. Section out your hair, and use clips to stay on track.[29]
- Talk to a professional about which products are best for your hair type. Don't fall for the hard sell!
- For curly hair, avoid washing your hair on rainy or humid days. Spray a mixture of leave-in conditioner and water instead.[30]
- For curly hair, wear your hair to sleep in a loose "pineapple" bun to maintain curl shape.[31]
- Switch to a satin or silk pillowcase to prevent matting and frizz.[32]
- Put a leave-in conditioner in your hair before a workout.[33]
[Edit]Warnings - Rinse out the products thoroughly from your eyes and body.
- Always turn the tools off after use.
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