| How to Overcome Shame Posted: 11 Mar 2019 01:00 AM PDT Overcoming your shame will not be a linear process. You may go through these steps again and again before you get a handle on shame. It all starts with practicing forgiveness and allowing yourself to be human. Shame also makes you feel unworthy, so counter that with confidence-boosting practices. Then, cultivate self-love and compassion so that you are better equipped to deal with shame in the future. EditForgiving Yourself - Recognize how shame is holding you back. Shame is a very strong emotion that can convince you that you are flawed or unworthy. It shuts down, inhibits and separates you from others. Recognize the story you've been telling yourself, so you can figure out how to change it.[1]
- Spot what you have been narrating about yourself, your abilities, or your life. Your shame story probably pops up whenever you feel down about yourself.
- For example, when you fail to connect with others, you might tell yourself "I'm unlikable" or "People find me boring."
- Shame might stem from difficulty in your personal history, such as poverty or domestic abuse.
- Sit with your emotions without pushing them away. A part of dealing with shame involves letting yourself feel the emotions underlying it. Name the emotion beneath your pain and sit with it.[2]
- For instance, maybe you feel humiliated about your divorce. Because you wouldn't acknowledge the humiliation, shame crept in.
- Say something like, "I feel humiliated about my divorce. I think everyone sees me as damaged goods." Afterwards, sit with that feeling without trying to push it away.
- Consider journaling about what you feel when you feel shame. Whether it's a person or other feelings you normally keep buried, it is important to acknowledge them to yourself.
- Forgive yourself for being human. Shame causes you to judge yourself harshly for something you did. However, when you acknowledge that any mistake you made was human and that others have also done it, the shame is reduced.[3]
- Repeat aloud, "I am only human. I forgive myself for making a human mistake."
- Share your story if you want to. Shame isolates you from others. The more you play into it, the more you withdraw. Counter that by opening up and showing vulnerability to someone you trust.[4]
- Tell your shame story to someone close to you. You will likely find that telling your story frees you from the feeling of shame.
- If you don't feel comfortable sharing your story, consider writing or blogging about it. You don't have to publish it or share it with anyone else, but this does let you get everything out.
- Secrecy can make shame worse.
EditSeeing Your Worth - Develop a "good things" list for when you need reminding of your worthiness. Overcome shame with a much-needed confidence boost. Write out a long list of your best traits and accomplishments. Review this list whenever you feel unworthy.[5]
- You might list things like "great listener" or "fast-learner."
- Try something new to build self-esteem. Shame can keep you trapped in your comfort zone. Taking a risk and challenging yourself in a new way can help you break out of that pattern. This can be something really big or minor—it's up to you.[6]
- Sign up for a foreign language course, go back to school, pick up a hobby, or join a club or organization.
- Small challenges could be speaking to a stranger or reading a book from a new genre.
- Help someone to feel useful. Shame ensures that you focus on yourself, but you can overcome it by focusing on others. Dedicate your time to volunteerism, donate to charity, or simply lend a hand to a neighbor or friend in need.[7]
- Set a small, actionable goal to work towards. Think about some part of your life in which you'd like to advance and set a small goal. Break it down into several steps and take action towards it daily. Reaching a goal--no matter how minor--could help you combat the shame you feel.[8]
- For example, maybe you've been wanting to lose weight, but it feels overwhelming. Set a small goal, like drinking more water or eating more vegetables. Changing just one small thing can help you get closer to where you want to be.
EditPracticing Self-Love - Start a mindfulness practice. Commit to sitting in silence for at least 10 minutes daily. Focus completely on breathing deeply. If your mind wanders, return your focus to your breath.[9]
- Mindfulness helps you gain awareness about the thoughts and feelings you experience. It also helps keep you in the present moment, which is useful if you're dwelling on the past.
- Speak to yourself like you would a friend. Battle shame by changing the narration in your head that you've been telling yourself all along. Instead of harsh judgments or criticism, reframe your internal script to loving, compassionate statements.[10]
- For example, rather than saying "I can never do anything right," say "I am doing the best that I can right now."
- Build a supportive social circle. The people you spend time with can actually reinforce shameful feelings and beliefs, particularly if they are narrow-minded or judgmental. Make an effort to form relationships with people who are positive and supportive.[11]
- Review your social connections. Start spending more time with the people who make you feel good about yourself and less time with the people who don't.
- Accept that you may go in and out of episodes of shame. The process of overcoming shame is not a straight line. You may backtrack several times before getting control. Even then, certain situations may cause shame to rear its ugly head. Be patient with yourself and repeat the steps as needed.[12]
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| How to Find Scholarships Posted: 10 Mar 2019 05:00 PM PDT One of the scariest and most challenging things about going to college can be figuring out how to pay for it – especially if you're going to college in the US. However, the process of finding scholarships is not as daunting as you may think. Schools, corporations, and nonprofit organizations give out millions of dollars in scholarships each year. Some are merit-based, meaning you need particular grades and test scores to qualify. You qualify for others based on your background or membership in particular groups.[1] EditSearching for Scholarship Opportunities - Make a list of your hobbies and interests. While many scholarships are merit-based, there are plenty of scholarships available specifically for students that have particular interests or participate in various activities. Even your obsession with a TV show or movie could land you a few hundred dollars in scholarship money.[2]
- Think of your strengths and talents as well. For example, if you're a good writer, you might include "writing" as an interest on your list. Go further and specify the types of writing you enjoy, such as short stories or poetry.
- Some hobbies and interests require you to provide samples when you apply for a scholarship. For example, if you apply for an art scholarship, you might need to submit a portfolio of your work.
- Write down your affiliations and characteristics. You may qualify for scholarships based on your religious, social, or political affiliations. Scholarship opportunities may also be available based on your gender identity, race, ethnicity, or sexuality.[3]
- Make a list of people you know who could possibly serve as references for you based on each particular affiliation. For example, if you want to look for religious-based scholarships, you might need a reference letter from the pastor of your church.
- Have your parents check with their employers about scholarships. If you have a part-time job while in school, your employer also may have scholarships available.
- Be honest with your affiliations. Claiming an affiliation you don't really have could get you in serious disciplinary trouble.
- Start researching during the summer before your senior year. Some scholarships have relatively early deadlines, particularly those that can be applied to your cost of attendance at any school. You'll find more opportunities if you start looking as soon as possible – ideally, during your junior year of high school.[4]
- The reference section of your public library is also a good place to look for scholarships. A research librarian can point you in the right direction and help you find scholarships you might qualify for.
- Talk to your high school guidance counselor. High school guidance counselors have training in locating scholarships for students. Your guidance counselor may be able to point you toward opportunities that would take you a lot of time and effort to find on your own.[5]
- Larger public high schools may have a single guidance counselor who works on nothing but college acceptances and financial aid. Smaller schools, however, may have fewer resources.
- Contact the financial aid offices of schools where you've been accepted. Many scholarships are offered directly by colleges and universities. If you've filled out financial aid forms, you may be entered for some of these scholarships automatically. However, you typically have to indicate interest and complete a separate application.[6]
- The financial aid office's page on the school's website often will have information on various scholarships that are available.
- Check scholarship opportunities at several schools before you decide where you want to go. Most outside scholarships can be used at any school, but school scholarships can only be applied to your cost of attendance at that school.
- Try free online search engines to find scholarships. There are many large scholarship databases provided by government agencies or independent organizations. You can search these for free using keywords based on your lists of interests and affiliations.[7]
- FastWeb, FinAid.org, and Scholarship.com have large online scholarship search engines. The U.S. Department of Labor also has a scholarship search tool available at https://www.careeronestop.org/toolkit/training/find-scholarships.aspx.
- FinAid.org includes some more unusual scholarships available for students with more obscure hobbies, interests, and affiliations.
- Ask about scholarships from religious or community organizations. If you are a member of a religious or community organization, you may be able to find a scholarship there. You can also ask any organization or group that you've volunteered with.[8]
- Even if your specific group or organization doesn't offer scholarships, they may be able to point you to scholarships offered at the regional or national level.
EditApplying for Scholarships - Check the requirements and qualifications. Each scholarship has its own specific application requirements. Many applications may be similar, but none will be exactly the same. Some may require you to write an essay, while others may need letters of recommendation.[9]
- It can help to group similar scholarships together so you can complete the applications at the same time. Since you'll be repeating a lot of the same information, doing them at the same time will be more efficient.
- Make notes about essays you need to write, letters of recommendation you need to get (with names), and other documents or information you need to gather before you can complete the application.
- Mark deadlines on your calendar. If you miss a deadline, you may be disqualified from a scholarship that you otherwise would have been awarded. Make an estimate of how long it will take you to complete an application so you can work on it a little at a time.[10]
- Schedule intermediate steps towards completing the application so you're not trying to do everything at the last minute. For example, if you need a letter of recommendation, schedule a day to request that letter and give the person a deadline several weeks before the scholarship's deadline.
- Get letters of recommendation from teachers and community leaders. When asking for a letter of recommendation, approach the person as soon as possible so they have plenty of time to work on it. Give them a deadline for their letter, but also let them know your final deadline to apply for the scholarship.[11]
- People who write your letters of recommendation should be people who know you well. A recommendation from a well-known or highly successful person won't help you win a scholarship if they aren't personally familiar with your background and accomplishments.
- If you're applying for a scholarship related to a particular affiliation or interest, make sure the person who writes your letter knows about you and your accomplishments in that context. For example, if you're applying for a religious scholarship, you might ask for a letter of recommendation from your youth group leader or the pastor of your church.
- Write your scholarship application essays. Many scholarship applications require you to write an essay describing your background and interests and why you think you deserve to win the scholarship. Be honest in your essays, and avoid exaggerating any experiences or accomplishments.[12]
- Creating an outline will ensure that your essay is organized and cohesive.
- Have a teacher or other trusted adult read over your essay before you submit it – and listen to their advice. Be prepared to go through several drafts to reach your best work.
- Submit your application before the deadline. To make sure you're not late, have your applications ready to go at least 2 weeks before the final deadline. That way you'll have time to polish and make any final changes before you send it off.[13]
- If you need to mail in a paper application, use certified mail with return receipt requested so you'll know when your application was received.
- Even if you can submit your application electronically, don't wait until the last minute. Unexpected internet or computer problems could cause you to miss the deadline.
- Continue to apply for scholarships while in college. Keep in contact with your school's financial aid department and let them know that you're interested in new opportunities. There are many scholarships that are only available for continuing students, or students in certain years.[14]
- For example, there are some scholarships and grants that are only available to students who will be graduating within a year. These opportunities are typically designed to help cover graduation costs.
- Some scholarships are only available to students with a certain major. Typically you need to be at least a sophomore before you can declare a major, so those scholarships wouldn't be available to you until then.
EditAvoiding Scholarship Scams - Be suspicious of guarantees or "easy money" claims. Nobody just gives money away for people to go to college. No matter how well-qualified you are, no scholarship is ever guaranteed. There will always be others who are just as qualified as you are. If a business or organization claims it can guarantee you a certain amount of scholarship money, it's likely a scam.[15]
- A scam is especially likely if the business or organization makes a guarantee without seeing any information about you. Absent access to your grades and standardized test scores, no one can even make a prediction about how much scholarship money you could get – much less a guarantee.
- Many scammers will use simple, one-page applications to target students who've grown weary of long, complicated scholarship applications, or who feel intimidated by the thought of having to write essays or gather substantial information and documents. These minimal applications will seldom yield much, if any, scholarship money.
- Ignore high-pressure sales tactics. Legitimate companies that want to help you find scholarships have no reason to pressure you into signing up with them. If you see phrases such as "hurry up and call today" or "limited space available," the company may be trying to scam you.[16]
- You may also get a phone call or email stating that you've already won a scholarship, but you have to attend a seminar or pay a fee first.
- Review communications for spelling and grammatical errors. Any communication from a legitimate scholarship assistance firm or foundation offering scholarships would be professionally proofread. Obvious errors are a sure sign that the offer is a scam.[17]
- Strange or messy formatting can also be a sign that an email is coming from a scammer rather than a legitimate source.
- Double-check credentials before providing personal information. Sometimes a scammer will impersonate a legitimate scholarship and send you an email asking for additional information before processing your application. Don't click any links in the email – go directly to the legitimate scholarship site instead.[18]
- These emails are used as an attempt to gain personal information from you, such as your birthday and Social Security number, that the scammer can use to steal your identity.
- Refuse to provide credit card or bank account numbers. While some perfectly legitimate businesses charge a fee to help you organize your scholarship search, you can get the same assistance for free. If a service requires you to provide a credit card number or banking information before you sign up, it's usually a scam.[19]
- Even legitimate commercial advice services may cost more than $1,000, and they typically won't give you any more information than you could find yourself for free.
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| How to Style Short Straight Hair Posted: 10 Mar 2019 09:00 AM PDT Short, straight hair can easily be styled to look cute, edgy, sophisticated, or neat with a little practice. There are plenty of different ways to style a pixie cut, including tucking it back, blow drying it forward, or creating a fauxhawk. Similarly, you can tie back or add curls to a bob to create a variety of different looks. Accessories and products are all part of the fun of styling your hair, so play around with hairspray, dye, or headbands to find a look you love! EditExperimenting with Different Pixie Cut Looks - Blow dry your pixie cut forward for a fun, messy style. Start with freshly washed hair that's still damp. Place a dollop of volumizing mousse onto your fingertips and run it back through your hair. Blow dry your hair forward so that it brushes your forehead. Use your fingertips to ruffle the hair on your crown to create a bit of volume.[1]
- Alternatively, use a spray bottle to make your hair damp.
- Sweep your pixie cut back for a sleek look. Start with damp hair and create a side parting to the right or left side of your head. Comb your hair out from the parting and use a blow dryer to sweep your hair back from your forehead. Add small amount of a styling paste or gel to your roots to give your hair a light lift.[2]
- Avoid adding too much product, as this can weigh your hair down and create a slicked back look. Aim for a light, tufty look.[3]
- Create a small fauxhawk for a fun, edgy style. Begin with damp hair and run through a dollop of volumizing mousse to give it a lift. Draw your fingers through the hair on your crown so that it sticks up slightly. Use a blowdryer to sweep your hair up and off your head.[4]
- Keep the hair on the sides of your head neatly combed down.
- Add a small flower or a headband to your fauxhawk to help it stand out even more.[5]
- Try a shorter pixie cut for a retro look. Get your pixie cut trimmed so that it doesn't go past your ears. Ask for a few subtle layers to give it volume and texture. Keep this look trimmed regularly, as it will grow out fast![6]
- Very short, retro pixie cuts look great with large hoop earrings.
- Tuck your pixie cut behind your ear to keep it out of your face. Create a side parting and sweep the longer side of your hair behind your ear. This look is for longer or overgrown pixie cuts and it's both practical and cute!
- If your hair won't stay in place, use a bobby pin to help it stay tucked in.[7]
EditTrying out Bob Hairstyles - Get a classic bob for a sophisticated, short hairstyle. Trim your bob regularly to keep it angular and the length between your earlobes and shoulders. Use a side parting and comb your hair away from this to create a sleek look. Tuck each side behind your ears.[8]
- Choose a half up half down style for a relaxed look. Part your hair from ear to ear and gather the top half of your hair on the crown of your head. Tie an elastic around it to create a quick ponytail. Alternatively, twist the top half of your hair into a bun and use an elastic to keep it secure.[9]
- Either leave the bottom half of your hair natural or brush through it with a round brush while it's damp to keep it tidy.[10]
- Tie your bob up in a low ponytail for a neat, casual look. Gather your hair close to the base of your head, around earlobe-height. Run your fingers through it to get rid of any tangles or kinks. Remove 3-4 small sections of hair from the top of your forehead and let these loosely hang to frame your face. Wrap an elastic around the ponytail to keep it secure.[11]
- This is a great hairstyle for when you are short on time, as it only takes around 10 seconds.
- Add light curls to your bob for a messy, carefree style. Mist your hair with a heat protectant product to help prevent heat damage. Then, use a curling iron or wrap small sections of hair around a straightener to add some volume. Frame each side of your face with soft curls and work your way around your hair, adding a few light curls to each side.[12]
- Try an asymmetrical bob for an edgy look. The sharp angles help to frame your face and define your features. Keep the length between your earlobes and chin. Asymmetrical bobs go well with bold, dark hair tones.[13]
- To soften the look, try adding a small curl to end of the longer section which frames your face. This makes the bob more relaxed.[14]
EditUsing Products and Accessories - Use hairspray to flatten flyaways. Short hairstyles look best with little to no frizz. Apply it to your wet hair and then style it with a comb. Use plenty, as the alcohol in hairspray makes it evaporate fast.[15]
- Alternatively, use a spray gel. You can find these at hair product stores or online. Both hairspray and spray gels are great for reducing frizz, however, spray gels don't have the same crunchy feeling that hairsprays do.
- Shape your hairstyle with pomade to give it texture and shine. Spread a dime-sized dollop of pomade over your fingertips. Run it through your hair from the back to the front to prevent build up at your hairline.[16]
- Comb your hair to style it after adding the pomade.
- Wear simple or statement earrings with your short, straight hair. Show off your favorite earrings with your short and sleek hairstyle. Try small studs for a simple, cute look or bold, extravagant drop earrings for a look that stands out.[17]
- Wear a headband to keep your pixie cut in place. Pixie cuts are great hairstyles but can easily get messy throughout the day. Use a floral or jeweled elastic headband to tame your pixie cut and keep your bangs in place.[18]
- Choose a bold color for a fun, edgy look. Short, straight hair looks great in bold, bright tones. Try blue ombre or blonde highlights for a cropped or pixie style.[19]
- If you have bangs with your short hairstyle, adding a few bright blue or red highlights will also look good.[20]
- Get your hair trimmed regularly to keep it short and looking neat.
EditSources and Citations
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