| How to Accept an Apology Posted: 22 Jan 2021 12:00 AM PST Accepting an apology can be tough, especially if the person apologizing really hurt you. Maybe the apology isn't sincere enough, maybe you need more time to think about it, or maybe you just don't have the right words to express your feelings. However, once you make up your mind to accept the person's apology, you can say so with your words and then work on forgiveness by yourself. If the apology seems genuine and sincere, for your own sake, try to accept the apology and then act on that acceptance by practicing forgiveness. [Edit]Assessing the Apology - Pay attention to the phrasing of the apology. Note if they use "I" statements, such as "I realize now what I did was wrong and I regret what I did." This shows that the person is taking responsibility for their actions, a key part of an effective apology.[1] Also, listen to their tone of voice and their body language. Most people maintain eye contact and use a sincere tone of voice when they are apologizing. Avoidance of eye contact, or a flat or sarcastic tone, may signal that a person isn't being serious.[2]
- An authentic apology should be direct and heartfelt. For example: "I realize now that what I did was wrong and I regret it. I apologize for my actions and hope you can find a way to forgive me."
- Keep in mind that body languag can vary based on a person's background and disability. For example, someone with social anxiety might avoid eye contact while being sincere. However, apathy speaks all languages, so a person who is ho-hum about saying sorry will be evident.[3]
- Beware the "fauxpology" or non-apology. This can include such phrases as: "I am sorry you were offended by that"; "I'm sorry you feel that way"; "I didn't intend that"; "Mistakes were made but we can move on now", etc.[4] These types of "apology" are a form of distancing the person who is apologizing from the act that caused harm and shows an unwillingness to take responsibility.
- Watch for any passive aggressive phrasing in the apology. This may be a sign the apology is not genuine. If someone doesn't really want to apologize, they may be quick to point out how you were wrong, or blame you for most or all of what happened. This type of phrasing could be a sign that the apology is not heartfelt and is really a way for the person to pass responsibility or blame for what happened onto you or to not have to deal with the consequences of their actions.[5]
- For example, a passive aggressive apology might be: "Well, I asked you to go to the party with me, but you refused. I went alone and lied to you about it. If you'd said yes in the first place, I wouldn't have had to lie. Sorry."
- In the above example, this person may not be giving you an authentic apology and may just be leaning on a bad habit of using an insincere apology to get out of a sticky situation.
- Rely on your gut instinct. For all the analysis you can do on a person's intentions, often your gut instinct can be a good gauge of whether or not to trust and accept the person's apology. Take a moment to consider the apology and listen to your gut feelings about the person and their apology. Ask yourself:[6]
- Is your gut telling you the person is being honest and sincere?
- Did they ask for forgiveness and promise to not repeat the behavior? These are two key elements that are essential to a sincere apology. (The other key element discussed above is acceptance of responsibility and not blame-shifting.)
- Do you have any feelings of doubt or confusion around the person? If the apology creates in you a sense of "fear, obligation, guilt" (FOG for short or emotional blackmail), then it isn't an apology but rather a manipulation tactic designed to keep you under their control and to stop you from questioning their actions.[7]
- Does the apology to you sound sincere?
- Consider if you are ready to accept the person's apology. Before you accept the apology, you may want to consider the context around the apology and how well you know the person. For example:[8]
- If the person apologizing is a close friend or family member who already has a history of bad behavior, ask yourself if they're using apologies to try to avoid facing consequences. Prior bad behavior with promises to change that didn't eventuate can reveal a tendency to use apologizing as a crutch to evade taking responsibility for their actions.
- If a family member or partner is apologizing to you for something out of character and rare, you may be more amenable to accepting their apology.
- Is this person an habitual apologizer? In this case, it can be difficult to know when an apology is genuine because of their habit of excessively saying sorry can immunize you against their genuine apologies.[9] To move beyond their "I'm sorry," check they've taken responsibility, shown regret, asked for forgiveness and have promised to not do it again.
- Give yourself time or have a longer conversation if you need to. People make mistakes or hurt others for a variety of reasons. It's important that you are willing to move past the person's mistake, especially if they offer a sincere apology. If you are still questioning whether or not you believe the person's apologetic tone, you may want to have a longer conversation with them about your concerns.[10]
- This may be a better approach than accepting an apology you do not believe is sincere and remaining resentful or upset, despite appearing to be okay with the situation. It also allows you to express clearly what it is exactly that has hurt you and to identify the harm they've caused that you'd like them to address.
[Edit]Accepting the Apology - Thank the person for the apology. Start by telling the person you appreciate their apology and their willingness to make amends. This could be a simple, "Thank you for apologizing" or "I appreciate your apology, thank you."[11]
- Listen sincerely. It is both right and normal to expect a sincere apology but there is also a responsibility to genuinely listen to the apology. This means not interrupting, not criticizing and not starting an argument during or about the apology.
- Avoid brushing off the person's apology by saying "It's fine" or "It's nothing". This can hurt their feelings by making their apology seem unimportant and leave the situation unresolved. It can also give them a sense you are feeling hostile toward them, which can fester and prevent true resolution of the matter. If you need time to digest things still, make that clear, such as saying: "Thanks, I appreciate your apology. I am hurting still and just need time before I can feel that it's okay to trust this won't happen again."[12]
- Be willing to show gratitude to the person for getting up the courage to apologize and admit their mistake.
- Explain that your feelings were/remain hurt. Once you thank the person for their apology, it is valuable to make it clear that your feelings were/remain hurt and be specific about how the person has hurt you. This will indicate that you are being honest about your emotions and you are not being casual or flippant about the situation. You may say: "Thank you for apologizing. I was really hurt when you lied to me" or "I appreciate your apology, thank you. It hurt my feelings when you yelled at me in front of my parents."[13]
- Be clear and direct about how you felt when the person behaved badly, but don't use a passive aggressive tone and avoid criticizing them. Be as sincere and honest as they were when they apologized.
- Say "I understand" rather than "it's okay". Finish the acceptance by saying you understand why the person did what they did and that you are willing to accept their apology and move forward. You may say: "I understand why you felt the need to lie and I accept your apology".[14]
- Phrases like "it's okay" or "let's forget it" won't make it clear if you accepted the apology. It may also come across as flippant, belittling and disrespectful, especially if the person was serious about their apology. Try to remember that it takes a lot of courage for anyone to admit they're wrong about something and treat their attempt as genuine until proven otherwise.
- Reply to an apology text with clear, concise language. Getting an apology over text isn't as good as getting one in person, but it's the next best thing. If you do get an apology from someone via text message, you can follow the same steps as a normal acceptance, but make sure to spell it out clearly so the person knows how you're feeling. Don't let them off the hook just because they're not in the room with you, and make sure they know how much they hurt you.[15]
- For example, you could type out, "Thanks for your apology, I needed to hear that. I was really hurt the other day when you were ignoring me in class, but I understand what you were going through and how bad your day was."
- You can also request to talk to the person face to face or via video chat instead of texting about it.
[Edit]Putting Your Acceptance into Action - Try to get back to normal. You've accepted someone's apology—now what? Things might feel a little awkward at first, and you both might get a little uncomfortable. However, if you can push through that and change the topic of conversation or move on from it, you can begin to accept the person back into your life and get your relationship back on track.[16]
- Things might not feel normal right away, and you might still need some time after the person has apologized. Expect a little bit of a rough patch following the apology.
- You can even address the awkwardness (if there is any) by saying something like, "Well, that's over now. Should we get back to business as usual?" Or, "Okay, let's stop being so serious now."
- Work on forgiveness by practicing self-soothing. Although you accepted someone's apology, it might be harder to get over than you thought. When you think about the bad thing that happened to you, you might feel anxious, sad, or stressed all over again, which is totally normal. If you are working toward forgiveness, you can do some self-soothing methods, like deep breathing, meditation, or other self-care methods that relax you. That way, you can ease the pain of what happened and work on feeling better about the person you are forgiving.[17]
- Forgiveness doesn't happen immediately, and it may never happen at all. Be open to forgiveness, but don't expect it overnight.
- Suggest spending quality time with the person. Another way to put your forgiveness into action is to show the person that you are actively striving to accept their apology by setting the restart button. Suggest spending quality time together to show the person you still enjoy their company and want to continue to be friends. If you need to, remind them that you are working on forgiveness but that while pain is still fresh, ask that they don't try to act like things are normal again; after all, both of you are now trying for a new normal and that this is about healing after the harm.[18]
- Plan an activity where you both have to work together, like playing a sport, going on a day hike, doing a community class together, etc. This could show that you're willing to rebuild trust and renew friendship.
- Suggest doing something that you both enjoyed in the past as a way to show you're willing to move past any negativity and focus on the positive times instead.
- Be prepared if any issues or problems arise between you and the person again. While you should commit yourself to trying to fully trust the person again, especially if they give you a heartfelt apology and you accept it, you should also be on the look out for warning signs. These could be small moments that indicate the person may make the same mistake again or may be falling back into bad habits that could lead to an issue and the need for another apology. Try to steer the person away from making another mistake or hurting you again like they did before.[19]
- For example, if the person is starting to show up late for your dates again, mention it, as they may not be aware of it. Remind them that you find it hurtful when they do this. This may help encourage them to work harder.
[Edit]Dealing with Tough Situations - End the relationship if you can't move on. Forgiving someone is one thing, but forgetting is another. Even if you forgave someone, you might not be able to move on from what they've done. In that case, you should end the relationship for the benefit of both of you. Healthy relationships can't thrive if there's resentment on either end.[20]
- You can say something like, "I accepted your apology the other day, but I'm just not sure I can move on from what you did. I'm sorry, but I think we're going to have to split."
- Or, "Your friendship means a lot to me, but I'm still thinking about what happened last month. I don't think I'll be able to move on, and I need to take some time for myself."
- Be wary of people who continue their bad behavior. Giving someone a second chance is fine. But a third one? Or a fourth? There comes a time when someone is only apologizing because they know you'll accept it and they can walk all over you. If your friend or partner continues to do something bad and then apologize for it, they may not be apologizing for the right reasons. Eventually, you may have to end the relationship if they don't correct their behavior.[21]
- The best apology is done with actions, not words. If someone continues to do something that they know will hurt you, they aren't actually sorry about it.
- Agree with someone who over-apologizes. If there is someone in your life who won't stop apologizing, it's probably because they feel really guilty. However, hearing "I'm sorry" 20 times in a row can be grating, and it might make you feel worse than what they did before. To get the person to stop apologizing, try agreeing with them. Instead of saying "It's okay, it's fine," try "You know what? You're right. You did hurt my feelings, and I'm glad you're apologizing."[22]
- Usually, this will be enough to snap them out of it and it might make you both feel better.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Hit Your Irons Higher Posted: 21 Jan 2021 04:00 PM PST Hitting a golf ball high with your irons is a great skill that gives you an edge on the green. More height can send the ball further and help you get over hills and traps on the course. But this is easier said than done! If you're frustrated about hitting line drives all the time, don't give up— there are lots of ways to fix this problem. Try some of these simple setup and swinging tips to send the ball flying high every time. [Edit]Starting Position - Stand close to the ball so you can swing straight down at it. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart with the ball just slightly in front of the line where your toes are. In general, a good position is closer to the ball than you'd normally stand. This should give you a nice, vertical swing plane to lift the ball up.[1]
- If you want to test your ball positioning, take a slow practice swing. Find the ball position that lets you keep the club as straight as possible.
- If you're too far away from the ball, your swing plane will be more horizontal. This will keep the ball low and hit it off to the sides.
- Position the ball closer to your front foot. First, position the ball right in the middle of your legs. Then move it forward 1-2 ball lengths, closer to your front foot. This helps you hit the ball in the ideal spot to send it flying high.[2]
- Don't put the ball any more than 1-2 ball lengths towards your front foot. Otherwise, you'll hit it on the top and it won't go very high.
- Put the ball on a tee to raise it up about . If you don't normally use a tee, then give it a try. The tee lifts the ball off the ground a bit and lets you get under it for a higher trajectory. A common height for the golf tee is , but teeing the ball at will give you a higher shot.[3]
- The legal tee height for golf is up to , so don't go above that when you're practicing.[4]
- Bend your knees slightly so you can get underneath the ball. Standing straight up makes it harder to get under the ball for a high shot. Bend your knees slightly before you start your backswing. This way, you'll get under the ball for a higher trajectory.[5]
- You might have to adjust your ball position again after you bend your knees, since your club might scrape the ground. Do another slow practice swing to make sure you can keep the club as straight as possible without hitting the ground.
- Raise your front shoulder a bit higher than your back shoulder. Tilt your front shoulder up a bit to move your head and center of gravity back. This keeps you behind the ball and gives you more lift.[6]
- Tilt the club head slightly away from you, towards the ball's outside edge. This gives you more lift and height at impact. If you're right-handed, open the clubface by aiming slightly to the right of your target. If you're left-handed, aim to the left instead.[7]
- Grip the club loosely and stay loose throughout your swing. It's harder to get under the ball if you're stiff, so don't squeeze the handle.[8] Position your hands slightly ahead of the ball on impact to gain more height.[9]
- If you're worried about the club flying out of your hands, use good-quality gloves with a strong grip.
[Edit]Swinging Technique - Shift 60% of your weight to your rear leg before your backswing. Get set up and stand with roughly 60% of your weight on your rear foot and 40% on your front foot. This helps you stay behind the ball throughout your swing and lift it higher.[10]
- Don't throw all your weight forward when you swing. Maintain this weight distribution through the whole swing for a high shot.[11]
- Rotate your hip and shoulder back to generate power. You'll need a lot of power to hit the ball high, and that power comes from your body. Start your backswing by turning your rear hip and shoulder back, away from your target. Then, raise your club up, following your shoulder and hip.[12]
- Avoid sliding your hips back and forth during your swing. This won't give you any power and it throws your swing off. Be sure to actually your hips and shoulder back to get more power.
- Bring your hands up behind your head on the backswing. This high backswing helps you keep the club straight and maintain a vertical swing. If your hands are lower, like around your shoulders, you probably won't get a high shot.[13]
- If you can't tell where your hands are going on your backswing, have someone watch and tell you. You could also put a camera behind you during your swing and review the video later.
- Swing with your body for a lot of speed and power. Don't be afraid to hit the ball hard! This is key to sending the ball flying high. Rotate your hips and shoulders forward, with the club following. This gives you a hard, fast swing so you can hit the ball with a lot of force.[14]
- When your swing is complete, your rear hip and shoulder should be facing your target. This is how you know you swung enough.
- Keep your head back behind the ball while you're swinging. This gets a lot of weight behind the ball for more lift and power.
- Hit the golf ball right in the center for a strong shot. You might think you need to hit the ball in a different spot to send it flying high, but that's not true. Try to hit it square in the center on your downswing for a strong shot.[15]
- If the ball is flying too low, then you may be hitting it above the center. Check your swing trajectory to see where you're making contact, and adjust your stance or swing if you have to hit the ball lower.
- Follow-through vertically to send the ball high. Continue swinging straight up after you make contact with the ball. Follow the trajectory of the ball with your head and look upward.[16]
- Remember to keep about 60% of your weight on your back foot during the whole swing, including the follow-through.
- If you're not sure about your swing trajectory, videotape yourself while you practice. Then you can review the tape later and break down your swing.
- Like with everything, practice makes perfect! Be patient and work on your swing to get high shots every time.
[Edit]References |
| How to Fold Curtains That Are Too Long Posted: 21 Jan 2021 08:00 AM PST Curtains can be pricy, so if you accidentally bought a set that are too long, you're probably not in a big hurry to replace them. However, you're probably also not super excited about seeing your curtains puddled on the floor every time you walk into the room. Luckily, there are a few simple solutions to get your curtains to the perfect length—and you don't even have to sew them unless you want to! [Edit]Using Curtain Clips - Choose curtain clips that are attached to hooks or rings. Curtain clips have a small alligator clip on the bottom and either rings or hooks on the top. Either style will work—it really just depends on the look you're going for.[1]
- You can use as many or as few clips per panel as you'd like, but in general, using more clips will give your curtains a more luxurious, pleated look. On the other hand, using fewer clips might make your curtains look kind of stretched out. We recommend using 9 clips per panel because it makes the spacing super easy![2]
- If your curtains are a really heavy material, like velvet or brocade, purchase heavy-duty curtain clips. Check the packaging or online product listing to see how much weight each clip can support.
- Fold the top of the curtain over so the curtains are the right length. Measure the length you want your curtains to be, then fold them over from the top. Make sure the fold goes toward the back of the curtain.[3]
- Don't worry about spoiling the look of your curtains—you won't be able to see the fold from the front![4]
- If your curtain has tabs for the rod to slide through, cut these off with sharp scissors first. Otherwise, the tabs might be visible through the curtain when the sun shines through.
- Clamp the curtain clips onto the fold so they're evenly spaced. If you're using 9 clips per panel, you don't have to do any measuring to make sure the clips are spaced perfectly. Start by placing a clip on either end of the curtains, then another right in the center. Add 1 more clip exactly halfway between the leftmost clip and the center, then 1 halfway between the middle and the right. You should have 5 total now. Place each of the remaining clips exactly halfway between the ones already in place, for a total of 9![5]
- No matter how many clips you're using, make sure they're spaced out evenly. Otherwise, some parts of your curtains will be too taut, while others will sag.
- Slide the rings or hooks onto the curtain rod. If you're using rings, feed the rod through each ring individually, then mount the rod on brackets. If your clips are attached to hooks, just slide each hook over the curtain rod—you don't need to take the rod down.[6]
- To keep your curtains from sliding too far when you close them, place the last ring or hook outside of the bracket on your curtain rod.[7]
[Edit]Creating a No-Sew Hem - Read the care label for ironing instructions. Some synthetic fabrics will melt if you iron them, while other materials require low heat so they don't get burned. If the tag doesn't specifically say anything about ironing, look for a symbol that looks like an iron—or sort of like the lowercase "a" on a computer keyboard. If you see:[8]
- A plain symbol—it's safe to use any heat setting on your iron.
- A symbol with 1 dot—only use the lowest heat setting.
- A symbol with 2 dots—use medium heat.
- A symbol with 3 dots—use the highest heat setting.
- A symbol with an X—do not iron this fabric. Try creating a rod pocket or using curtain clips to adjust the length, instead.
- Fold the bottom of the curtains under so they're the right length. There are two ways you can do this. The easiest way is to hang the curtains, then fold the bottoms under so they just graze the floor. However, you can also measure the length from the top of the curtain rod to the floor, then measure down from the top of the curtains. Just be sure to fold the fabric under, or toward the back of the curtains.[9]
- If you're measuring, make marks with a disappearing-ink fabric pen, then fold the bottom of the curtains under so they match that measurement. Also, if the curtains will be hanging from clips or hooks, be sure to account for that.[10]
- If you're folding the curtains while they're hanging, you don't have to take any measurements at all.
- For curtains that are way too long, you may have a lot of excess fabric left. You can trim this extra material at the end, but if you don't want to cut the curtains, make 2 or 3 folds so the excess material is tucked in neatly.
- Pin the hem into place. As you fold the curtains under, slide straight pins horizontally through the fabric to secure it. You'll take these pins out later, so don't worry if they show through the front of the curtains.[11]
- Sometimes curtains can actually be a little longer on one side than the other. If you're working by measurements, measure from the top down in several spots along the curtain's width to make sure the length is even—don't work from the bottom up!
- If you're worried about the pins falling out, use safety pins instead of straight pins.
- Iron the fold to create a crease, removing pins as you go. Place your folded hem onto an ironing board and heat your iron to the appropriate temperature. Slowly run the iron along the bottom fold, but don't iron over the pins, since they could snag the fabric. If you used straight pins with plastic heads, be especially careful to remove them all, as the plastic will melt.[12]
- If you pinned the curtains while they were still hanging, you can just put the ironing board right under the window where the curtains are hanging—no need to take them down!
- Iron both the top and bottom folds if you had to fold the curtain on itself more than once.
- Ironing the crease down will help keep the fold in place even without the pins.
- Place a strip of iron-on hem tape inside the folded hem. If you made a small fold or you're planning to trim away the excess fabric, keep the tape close to the bottom of the fold. If you folded the curtain on itself several times, place the tape closer to the top crease so it will lay flat. Just make sure none of the tape is showing outside of the fold—if the adhesive touches the iron, it will make a sticky mess.[13]
- It's okay to work in sections if the whole hem won't fit on the ironing board at the same time.
- If you're handy with a sewing machine, it's totally fine to stitch them down.[14] However, iron-on hem tape will allow you to get a neat hem even if you don't have any sewing skills!
- Press and lift the iron over the fabric to secure the tape. Place the iron onto the fabric right over the hem tape and press down for 1-2 seconds, then lift the iron straight up. Move the iron over to the next section of the adhesive and press down again. Keep going until you've gone down the whole length of the curtain.[15]
- Double-check that the adhesive is completely covered by the fabric. Don't let the iron touch the hem tape, or it will stick to the iron plate.
- The heat will cause the adhesive to stick to both sides of the fabric, creating a durable hem.
- Always use a pressing and lifting motion. Don't run the iron over the adhesive—you might pucker the fabric, and it could stick that way.
- Trim the excess fabric, if you'd like. If you left a lot of extra fabric folded up, you can trim it now with a sharp pair of fabric shears. Cut slowly so you get a straight line, but don't stress too much—the raw edge will be on the back of the curtains, so it shouldn't be visible.[16]
[Edit]Folding a Rod Pocket - Fold the curtain down twice from the top. Be sure to fold the fabric toward the back of the curtain so the pocket won't show. Make two folds—that way, you'll still have a pocket for the curtain rod after you glue down the first layer of fabric. However, if your curtains already have a rod pocket, just fold that over once—you'll still have a pocket when you're finished.[17]
- Be sure the fold you create is at least twice the width of the curtain rod you're planning to use. This will ensure you can easily mount the curtain when you're finished. You can measure the distance if you'd like, or you can just eyeball it.
- If your curtains don't have a rod pocket and you only want to fold them over once, or if you're planning to sew the hem in place, leave a seam allowance.
- Add pins to secure the pocket in place. Slide straight pins horizontally through the bottom of the fold that you made, or use safety pins if you'd prefer. This will create the bottom hem, but will leave the pocket open so you can slide the rod through.[18]
- If you're just looking for a temporary fix, it's fine if you want to stop here! Just slide the curtains onto the curtain rod and hang them in place.
- Place hem tape under the bottom fold for a no-sew fix. Place a section of the folded curtain on an ironing board in front of you. Remove a few of the pins, then place a strip of iron-on hem tape between the curtain and the innermost fold you made.[19]
- Make sure none of the adhesive is showing—if it touches your iron, it will stick to the iron plate, making a big mess!
- If you'd prefer to stitch the curtains, use a heavy-duty sewing machine and work slowly. Just be sure to sew along the very bottom of the fold, and don't sew up the sides—you need the pocket to be open.[20]
- Iron the hem tape to secure it. Press your iron down over the folded fabric and hold it in place for 1-2 seconds. Then, lift the iron straight up. This will heat up the hem tape, making it stick to the fabric. Keep pressing and lifting until you finish that section, then repeat for the next section all the way down the curtain.[21]
- Check the care tag to make sure your curtain fabric is safe to iron before you do this. However, since you won't be pressing the iron to the fabric very long, this will work on most fabrics—just place a cloth between the curtains and the iron and test it on low heat in an inconspicuous area.
- Slide the rod through the pocket you made. There should be a gap between the second and third layers of folded fabric. This is your rod pocket, so just run the curtain rod through that gap. Then, you can hang your curtains like normal![22]
[Edit]Things You'll Need - Curtain clips
- Measuring tape (optional)
[Edit]No-Sew Hem - Straight pins or safety pins
- Iron-on hem tape
- Iron
- Ironing board
- Measuring tape (optional)
[Edit]Rod Pocket - Straight pins or safety pins
- Iron-on hem tape
- Iron
- Ironing board
- Wash and dry the curtains first to be sure of the length—curtains will sometimes shrink when you wash them.[23]
[Edit]References |
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